chapter 19

I grab my softest sweater, my favourite, and ball it up. I bend down, arranging my face into something I hope is friendly, then wrap his arms around it. He holds it while I walk away to the vault. I have the pills to arrange and store. On my return he is in the exact same spot, his arms still hugging a sweater that lies cold on his feet. I'm such a shit. He's in total shock and I'm arranging my wares. This is why he needs a mom, not some hopeless teen. I go back to him and pick him up just like I did in the old train. At first he is stiff but then he melts into my body, his arms limp, dangling like a doll. Without being aware of it my left hand rises to stroke his back. Then he begins to cry softly, wetting my shirt. I thought kids were supposed to cry loudly, not this guy apparently, he cries like an old man beaten down with sorrow.

In this life you make me stable, then you pull every little thing from beneath my feet and are indifferent to the fact that I can no longer stand - until