Letting go

LUNA’S POV

Staring at myself in the cracked bathroom mirror, I took in my appearance just as I did every morning before tending to my cuts. I wasn't particularly sure why I did such a thing every day but all I can recall was that I was hurt. Knowing it's been a year since I’d lost my mate and lover Raven to the attack.

A lot apparently had changed. Every now and then I may have a new cut or bruise to cover from me hurting myself. But besides that, my dark-brown hair, light olive skin and blue eyes remained unchanged.

It's not like it mattered how I looked anyways, no one noticed me. A few of the Omegas I worked with would around to chat with me every now and then but for the most part of even they avoided me. Even though I was tagged an Omega, I was still ranked above them. 

Raven always made sure of that… But now with him gone, I was back to being the Omega girl I’d always been. My Omega scent now dulled with grief. 

It was dark again, and the lightning struck in areas further away. I took a deep breath stepping into the ruins of my bathroom, as I had my eyes glued to my reflection in the mirror in front of me.

I closed my eyes and took several more breaths to calm my nerves down, staring at the silver scissors in one hand. With memories of Raven’s attack swirling in my mind, making it so hard to focus one damn thing.

Images of when I’d knelt by his side, with both hands covered in blood watching him struggle to live. With glossy eyes I could remember the look the once 22, kind and protective mate had on that night. Even worse for the fact that he’d been this close to having a sanctuary for injured wolves opened.

This grief in particular felt like being stuck underwater for years, crushed by sadness. And just when you think you’re surfacing, a familiar scent——a memory would always be there to pull you back down into the depths again.

My eyes trailed down to my clothes which were now wet from sitting on the floor of the bathroom for long hours that my fingers and toes had become numb from the cold. 

Pain was all I felt. It was a cold feeling of disappointment that lingered from the invisible bullet wound in my heart into my veins and to the pit of my stomach as I stood there watching my reflection.

I stood frozen in time, staring in deep thought at my appearance in the mirror. And clearly, I couldn't recognize myself. 

Although my state seemed calm, inside I was a bundle of emotions. Millions of thoughts ran through my head and one in particular kept grazing my mind. More memories of what had happened on that night.

It was chaos. Pack members were running, screaming, mothers in search of their kids and husbands in search of both. There were dead bodies of my pack and the rival pack warriors. I stood there, trying to process what the actual fuck was going on.

On getting to the border where the attack was mostly happening at, I realized the smell of blood was overwhelming that I couldn't stand to watch. With as much strength I could muster, I scrambled off to the woods, hoping I could find Raven. Wondering why on earth he was nowhere to be found. 

As an Alpha, he was probably out there fighting those Rival pack warriors off like some damn hero. Running through the woods, I kept calling and yelling, hoping he’d hear me and I’d finally get the chance to see him again with all the chaos happening. 

Unfortunately when I did, he’d been attacked. I fell to my knees, with both hands pressed over his side to stop the bleeding. 

“Luna, go!” He’d said. 

“You have to run, get out of here. Run…as…fast…as…you can!” 

“No Raven!” I’d protested. But in a couple of minutes, I was met with a cold, dead mate and lover, lying in the pool of his own blood.

It's been a year since the attack, but all that lingered in my mind for months was the cold, stiff look on his face struggling to live.

A tear ran down my cheeks at the bundle of emotions in my head, as I had the silver scissors from earlier placed back down on the bathroom sink sobbing my eyes out. Which was apparently what I hadn't done in months.

I felt a pang to the chest at the realization that I was alone and was never getting a better chance to life with Raven gone. With that in mind, I swore and cursed my existence wishing I’d been taken by the cold hands of death other than my mate being taken away.

As my sobbing continued, my breathing turns shallow and my hands grow clammy by the minute. In pain, I thumped by head against the bathroom sink top as I let out all my pent up emotions which I’d been hiding for months ever since his death.

A heavy weight of foreboding presses down on my shoulders but I trudged through it taking in deep long breath in calming my nerves.

Staring back at my reflection, seeing how puffy and swollen my eyes and cheeks had gotten I finally decided in letting go.

I had the silver scissors from earlier raised and then without any hesitation but still in tears, I cut right through my long brown hair. Letting go of those memories of Raven running his fingers through my strands, telling me how it felt like moonlight to him doing that.

Apparently, this was my way of letting go. It was my way of shedding my old skin. I didn't know or even care what I’d be after this but all that mattered was that I was alive and slowly moving on. 

And sadly, for an Omega with no pack that's something.

I guess…