Monster? Hell no! Anzania was no monster. Matt didn't know what a real monster was. I know it very well. Came face to face with it and lived under its roof. I know exactly what a monster was and I don't think Anzania was that. When my parents loved me irregardless of me telling them I'm attracted to women... I was so happy. I've watched news and heard stories about parents disowning their own flash and blood once they discovered they were homosexuals. So for me it was something special to be loved for me still.The only thing I was told was that they would have to look for a mate for me. It was weird because at some point I was scared they'd find me a boy but was shocked when they presented Cecelia. God! she was an angel... From hell. Two years older than me and all sorts of perfection that you could think off. Always had her outfit on point, walking posture, the way she talked or worked. It was with authority. I wondered why she was picked for me. She could definitely do better.
When the new week started I tried to compose myself as possible. I tried not to come out physically looking like the mess I was deep inside. So I put on make up here and there to hide the sleepless nights and had energy drink or coffee every single day. It felt like shit but at least I was getting by. I went to work as always. Anzania on the other hand was the cutest, checking up on me here and there to make sure I was okay. Not pushing, but making sure I was okay. There was no doubt that I was in love with her and she was just making everything hard for me. I was lite2 thinking about leaving, in all the places I have ever been in these past years nothing like this has ever happened, so this meant something... And my mind wondered if I should stay and face what has always been coming for me, or flee like I always do. As for Matt, I never saw him. Which was very good, but also strange because it was like he warned me and then disappeared... Got swallowed by the monster he kept talki
I sat there and watched her leave. I couldn't tell what she was feeling or how she was because she didn't dare to look at me. She just walked and walked and walked until I heard the door shut.Tears fell down my cheeks as I replayed that conversation over and over in my head. How I stupidly opened up to her. Why did I do that to myself? I was damaged, I should have known that no one would want to be associated with me after finding out that I was raped. I should have stayed quiet like I have been all my life. Why did I have to feel differently with her? Why did I love her? Couldn't I just push time with her like I've been doing with everyone else? I felt like shit and so stupid. How could I fall in love and think someone will love me back? Maybe I was meant to be with Cecelia. Maybe I was meant to take the abuse because right at this moment I was sure no one was ever going to love me. As much as I had to deal with being forced to sex, maybe being with Cecelia was the only thing for
Saturday came and I thought the least that Sophie deserved for being a good person to me here was a goodbye.I planned everything I'd say when I got to her. I planned on talking about some vacation I needed to take because I needed some air from the scary drama this town was in.I mean it was reasonable. There was no way this was going to not work.I took the rest of my clothes that I had not packed and got ready to them also. 3 weeks was long. If they knew where I stayed it was only a matter of time before they came to take me.My mind wondered around, it wondered to the hell hole I'll be taken back to. What were they going to do to me now? Would I still be expected to myy father in law's sex slave even now? Would I still have to sleep with him to pay being married to his daughter? Would she allow it still? Would she sit there and console me as she watched her father do this to me?I felt so small and like I was literally going back in there. The whole weekend I spent cuddled up in m
I stood there not believing that she could manipulate me like this. Use my feelings to get away with whatever she did.She sighed when I didn't say a word and disconnected our hands but still stayed closer to me, "please... Okay.. Don't leave.""I have no choice Anzania. I just feel so stupid that when my past hunted me I didn't want to leave because of you."She smiled, "oh yeah? Then listen to that. Don't leave."I laughed and turned back around to take my phone and see if Jeremy can't at least leave me outside the small village to the freeway. I know I was a bitch to him but I needed to get out of here. "Allison it was shitty of me to leave like that. Totally. But I needed time to think of a way forward. I wanted to know what to do from now onwards.""well thank you so fucking much for the heads-up. But I'm sorry I can't stay. You made me feel the exact same way I have been feeling. Like I'm damaged goods. You make me trust you and convince me that I can talk to you about anything
Wanna know what's awful about quick decision making? When they come to bite you in the ass or when you have to take back anything you said... Like having to unquit my job. Honestly I didn't think there was anything she'd say that would make me rethink me leaving... But after this, I knew she had more power than I did. My feelings for her were beyond control. We laid there on the floor where she was sitting 30 minutes ago and stared at the roof. We didn't say anything. We just let our thoughts wonder in silence. I on the other hand was worrying about the big elephant in my life. I had no idea what I'd do workwise because it seemed like I was going to be here for a while because of Anzania...and I was sure the principal was already looking for my replacement as we spoke."what are you thinking?" she asked not even moving an inch. Her eyes were still looking up at the ceiling over us. I sighed, "is it that obvious?"She smiled, "yeah... Your breathing keeps changing and your heart is
"umh.. Ava..." I said, the sound of her name so foreign in my mouth. We never talked about names. We just did what we did and stopped. She laughed, "God to think you didn't even know my name... You met me at a bar three times.. Took me back to your place those three times.. And then disappeared after that...is that what you do?"I cleared my throat not knowing what to say. I knew exactly what she was talking about because I was there and I was doing exactly what she was saying. But I had no idea what I was supposed to do now.. And what were the chances that we would meet 4 years later in a different country? I thought zero... But apparently we live in a small world if it was this possible."you won't say anything?" I shrugged and got out of the car to stand up in front of her, "Ava what do you want me to say? I'm sorry okay.. I am sorry I did that to you. I was dealing with my own things back then." "so what? You deal with your things by fucking people and leaving them hanging? Did
We got my stuff from my apartment and moved them to her place. When we got there she created a whole new room for me. Told me I shouldn't feel the need to sleep in the same bed with her, that as much as she was my girlfriend and she'd love to share a bed with me, she also wanted me to feel secure and safe.I was thankful for that because I didn't think I'd be ready to share a bed with her with the secret I was hiding. Ava was working for them. I mean it made so much sense. The pictures I got were sent from when I was in Egypt until here.. And I met her in Egypt. She was the one. She has been following me all this time."hey.. Hey...." I was startled when I heard Anzania call me.I put the bod down and turned to her, "hey..""are you okay?" she asked and I nodded my head, "yeah...""I've been talking to you but you seem miles away."I sighed, "I'm sorry... Something is worrying me a bit but I'm not sure if I should worry. I mean I know I'm not making sense but I'm not fully okay... And