Chapter 41

Cassian’s  pov

I stood outside Selena’s door again.

The hallway was quiet.

I could see a small light through  the crack of her door.

I didn’t knock.

Didn’t speak.

Just stood there like a coward, hand hovering inches from the wood.

If I knocked… if I opened that door… I didn’t know what would happen.

I could ruin everything.

Or

I could finally begin again.

But my heart pounded in my chest like a warning.

Not yet.

I turned away.

And as I walked back toward my room, I whispered to myself

“Not yet.”

***

By morning, I hadn’t slept a wink.

Sisi had slept off on my bed.

I kept one arm around her the whole night like if I let go, the world would unravel again.

Julia’s presence in the palace was like a curse I’d foolishly invited back in. And now, the woman I wanted to protect most wouldn’t even look me in the eye.

Selena hadn’t spoken a word to me since yesterday. Not since she asked if I told Julia this was all “just a contract.” The words still echoed through my head like a slap.

Just a contract.

Like I hadn’t bled trying to undo the cold between us.

I didn’t know what burned more …that she believed it… or that I had given her every reason to.

Still, I didn’t have the courage to knock on her door this morning either.

Coward.

I skipped breakfast 

I wanted some time to myself 

And by the time I was done woth my morning tasks amd finally went outside my study.

I found Sisi curled on the garden bench with Kimiko and Adeline, her little fingers weaving flower stems together while she hummed to herself.

“She’s been at it since breakfast,” Adeline said as I approached. “Apparently, she’s making crowns for a ‘family tea party.’”

“She said she wants Mommy and Daddy to wear them,” Kimiko added with a grin. “And that Aunt Julia isn’t invited.”

A smile tugged at the edge of my mouth despite myself.

“Has Selena come down?”

Adeline shook her head. “Not yet.”

My jaw clenched.

I wanted to respect her space.

But the silence between us was beginning to feel like a war.

By the time I returned to the palace, Julia was seated in the parlor.

She looked up when I entered, smiling lazily.

“There you are,” she purred. “I thought I might’ve bored you to death already.”

“You’re still here,” I said, less a question than an accusation.

“You said I could stay the week.” She stood, brushing imaginary dust from her dress. “And I do plan to take full advantage of your generosity.”

I didn’t answer.

She stepped closer. “Cassian… I know you. I know you’re only doing this little domestic act with that girl out of guilt.”

“Don’t,” I said flatly.

Julia’s eyes narrowed. “She’s not your equal. You know that. She’s not even a—”

“I said don’t.”

She flinched.

“I let you stay because of Sisi. Because I didn’t want to cause a scene. But don’t mistake that for anything else,” I said, voice low. “You do not speak about Selena. You do not interfere with her. Or with Sisi.”

Julia’s expression wavered. “So… she matters now.”

I didn’t respond.

Because yes. She did.

Too much.

She tilted her head. “Is this really who you’ve become? A soft Alpha with a broken woman and a child clinging to your leg?”

“I’m the man I should’ve been years ago,” I said.

And with that, I turned my back on her.

I was headed toward the dining hall when I saw Selena.

She hadn’t seen me yet. She was walking slowly, her fingers trailing across the polished walls, her eyes distant.

Her hair was loosely tied back, the ends curling at her nape. She was dressed in simple clothes, but she looked like royalty anyway 

 not because of what she wore, but because of the way she carried herself.

Wounded.

But standing.

I froze.

For one heartbeat… she looked up.

Our eyes met.

She held the gaze.

And then… she turned the corner and disappeared.

My hand reached out  almost involuntarily brushing against the stone she’d just passed.

The ghost of her remained  in the air.

I couldn’t stay in my room.

Couldn’t sleep.

So I walked. Past the sleeping guards. Past the closed doors. Down to the library, and then back up again.

I didn’t even know what I was looking for.

At some point, I found myself outside Selena’s door.

Again.

This time, I knocked.

Light footsteps approached on the other side.

The door opened — just a crack.

Selena’s face appeared, half in shadow.

“Yes?” she asked.

Her voice wasn’t cold. But it wasn’t warm either.

“I wanted to check on Sisi,” I said, though I didn’t know why I bothered lying.

“She’s asleep,” she replied.

I hesitated. “And you?”

“I’m… here.”

That was all she gave me.

But I nodded.

And when she started to close the door again, I found myself saying—

“I told Julia not to come near you.”

Her hand paused on the door.

“I told her not to interfere. Not to talk about you. Or Sisi.”

Another beat.

“Why?” Selena asked quietly.

I swallowed hard.

“Because she doesn’t belong here.”

“And I do?” she asked — not with anger. Not even with hope.

Just… confusion.

I didn’t answer.

Because if I said yes, I’d have to admit how much she mattered to me.

And if I said no, I’d be the monster she thought I was.

So I let her close the door.

And stood there in the silence that followed.

Haunted.

I didn’t go back to my room.

Not right away.

I felt my chest tearing open

Almost.

Because even in silence, Selena’s voice echoed in my mind.

“And I do?”

She wasn’t accusing me. She wasn’t testing me.

She genuinely didn’t know.

And that was the part that gutted me.

Because she should have known by now.

She should’ve known how every inch of me tensed when she walked into a room. How I’d memorized the sound of her laugh — the real one, the one she tried to hide. How I couldn’t sleep anymore unless I knew she and Sisi were okay. Safe.

She should’ve known how often I found myself watching her when I wasn’t supposed to. Wanting her. Respecting her. Needing her.

But the truth was, I’d spent so long pretending none of it mattered — hiding behind duty and control — that maybe I’d fooled her too well.

Maybe I’d fooled myself.

The torch beside me flickered, casting gold across the stone railing.

Footsteps approached from behind.

I didn’t need to turn to know it was Conrad.

Only he walked like he didn’t care who heard him coming.

“Thought I’d find you sulking out here,” he said.

I sighed. “Not in the mood.”

“Tough. I brought wine.”

I didn’t look, but I heard the uncorking of a bottle and the glug of red being poured into two metal goblets.

He shoved one into my hand and leaned against the balustrade beside me.

A long silence passed.

Then…

“So… you gonna tell me what the hell is going on with you and Selena?” he asked.

I took a sip. “Nothing’s going on.”

“That’s the problem,” he muttered. “It’s like watching two ghosts float past each other. I mean, gods, Cass, I’ve seen better chemistry in council meetings.”

I didn’t answer.

“Julia’s presence working exactly how you wanted?” he added dryly.

I tensed.

“So you did let her stay to get a rise out of Selena,” he said, confirming his suspicion.

“She wouldn’t talk to me,” I muttered.

“So you thought jealousy was the answer?”

“I thought…” I trailed off, realizing I had no defense. No smart comeback.

“I don’t know what I thought.”

Conrad made a sound of dry amusement. “You’re losing it, man.”

“Yeah. I know.”

Another pause.

Then, quieter—

“She’s good for you, Cassian.”

I stared at him.

“She’s not afraid to call you out on your shit. She sees through you. I think that terrifies you more than anything.”

I didn’t reply.

Because he wasn’t wrong.

He nudged me with his elbow. “Look… you’re not the easiest bastard to love. But if anyone could do it, it’s her.”

I took a long breath.

“I don’t want her to love me.”

“Bullshit.”

“I want her to be safe.”

Conrad was quiet for a moment.

Then, softly—

“She could be both, you know.”

I looked away.

The firelight crackled behind us.

The air was cooling fast now, the sky turning a deeper navy above the trees.

Then came a voice — small, half-asleep — echoing from behind the terrace doors.

“Daddy?”

I turned.

Sisi stood there, her hair wild from sleep, a stuffed bunny clutched to her chest.

“I had a bad dream,” she whispered.

I moved toward her at once and crouched down. “What happened?”

“There was thunder,” she said. “And you weren’t there. Mommy wasn’t there. Only Aunt Julia. And she kept smiling like it was funny.”

I exhaled and scooped her up.

Conrad gave me a look …one I couldn’t name — and slipped away without a word.

Sisi clung to my neck.

“I don’t like her,” she mumbled into my collar.

“I know, sweet girl.”

“She pulls my hair when Mommy’s not looking. And she says mean things in my ear.”

I stiffened.

“She does what?”

“She says Mommy’s only pretending to love me. But I don’t believe her.” Sisi pulled back to look at me. “Right, Daddy? Mommy loves me, right?”

I kissed her forehead. “Of course she does. Don’t you ever believe anything else.”

Sisi leaned against me again, relaxing a little.

Then she whispered, “Can I sleep in Mommy’s room tonight?”

I hesitated.

“I miss her,” she added. “She’s been really sad lately. I think she needs me.”

My throat tightened.

I stood, carrying her through the hallway until we reached Selena’s door.

I knocked.

No answer.

I knocked again — softer.

Finally, the door creaked open.

Selena stood there in a loose shirt, her hair down, her expression unreadable.

Sisi reached for her immediately.

Selena took her in her arms, holding her tight.

“She had a bad dream,” I said, voice low. “She asked for you.”

Selena nodded, brushing back Sisi’s hair.

“Thank you,” she said — not looking at me.

I lingered in the doorway.

“Selena…”

She looked up.

I swallowed. “I meant what I said earlier. Julia’s presence isn’t about you. It’s not about us. It was a mistake.”

Her gaze softened — just a little.

“I know,” she whispered.

And with that, she closed the door gently between us.

But this time, it didn’t feel final.

It felt like a pause.

A deep breath between storms.

And for now… I could live with that.