Chapter 53

Selena’s POV

I was ashamed.

My heart drummed rapidly against my ribcages each time the memory resurfaced on the top of my mind

No I didn’t want to dwell on it…i had already talked way too much about the kiss and I wasn’t going to let it define my life

My fingers moved on muscle memory, stroking sisi’s back for the semblance of comfort she offered.

Controlling a lot of things was something I was used to, except when it came to my mind. She just had a way of spiraling beyond what I could tame.

So my feet moved before I could protest. It followed the path Cassian had left through..hoping I could find him.

I owed him that…the health status of his daughter. And just as though my mind had found what she was all so desperately searching for, my legs came to an instant halt.

I recognized that voice.

Heck, it’s the voice that shakes the very bane of my existence

I could recognize it even in the darkest part of the hallway.

It always carried the same tinge.

Low. Rough. Familiar.

“Draft a letter to the council elders. Tell them I’ve picked a date.”

I stopped breathing.

My fingers froze around the edge of the doorframe.

A date?

No.

No, it couldn’t be—

But the tone in his voice left no room for doubt. No hesitation. No guilt. Just a cold, simple command.

He was preparing for a mating ceremony.

And he wasn’t talking about me.

I hadn’t even known he was seeing anyone.

Hell… I didn’t even know if he could feel anything at all.

But clearly, someone had been chosen.

And it wasn’t me.

Of course it wasn’t.

What did I think? That he’d kiss me once and suddenly forget his duty?

That he’d breach the contract because I meant something?

No.

He breached it because it was over.

And I had let myself fall… just in time to be discarded.

I was so stupid.

Stupid for thinking the way he looked at me meant something.

Stupid for believing I was different.

Stupid for hoping I could belong to someone again.

I pressed a hand to my stomach. Nausea coiled like a snake beneath my ribs.

I remembered how the noblewomen had fawned over me earlier that night. I thought maybe…

Just maybe…

It had been real.

And now?

Burned from the inside out by the heat of that kiss and the ice of reality I now stood in.

It was nothing to him.

Nothing.

The touch. The kiss. The way he had whispered against my mouth like I was made for him.

It was nothing.

Just a lapse.

A mistake.

And now… he was correcting it.

Probably with someone from a noble house. Someone worthy. Someone beautiful. Someone whose past didn’t need to be hidden under layers of disgrace.

Not me.

Not the girl they’d thrown out.

Not the woman who returned in servant clothes, pretending to be reborn.

I bit down on my tongue until I tasted blood.

Then, silently, I stepped back.

One foot. Then another.

Retreating back into my shadow.

Because I couldn’t hear another word. I couldn’t bear another confirmation that I was just passing through his world.

I couldn’t bear the thought that everything we had shared.

Everything I thought we shared…was nothing more than borrowed affection. Pretend significance.

I slipped back into Sisi’s room and closed the door behind me with a quiet click.

Then knelt beside her again, pressing my forehead to the edge of her bed.

She shifted toward me in her sleep. Even in dreams, she reached for me.

At least she needed me.

At least she wanted me near.

I stroked her damp curls gently.

And for the first time in a long, long time… I didn’t feel strong. Or brave. Or composed.

I just felt tired.

And alone.

And used.

And if I let myself cry now… I might never stop.

I didn’t know how long I stayed there, kneeling down and running my hands mindlessly through her hair…anything at all to keep my mind from focusing on the ache that was unraveling my insides.

But I could still hear his voice.

I’ve picked a date.

It was a decision and that decision didn't have me on the agenda.

I trained my mind, tried talking her into understanding that we had no right to feel betrayed. I tried making her understand that it was all a plan to begin with…a contract we were meant to follow strictly…just that this time, it was cut abruptly.

But i was hurt anyway…not just my mind but my heart as well.

Because I wasn’t his. I wasn’t anyone’s.

Just a hired presence in his palace.

A body he’d kissed once.

Twice, maybe.

But only because his wolf needed release.

My fingers subconsciously found their way to my lips, massaging it as though trying to erase the evidence that it ever happened.

I forced my hands away and returned my attention to sisi, whose breath seemed to have even out even further.

Maybe what I had with her… maybe that was the soul tie the maid had talked about.

And that should’ve been enough.

But my mind wandered anyway.

And I hated myself for it.

Hated that I had let him in.

Hated that I’d believed his silence could still mean something.

Because hope….hope for someone like me, it meant danger. A danger that bloomed too fast and withered even faster.

And now, all that was left were roots rotting in my chest.

I didn’t hear the door open.

But I felt him.

His presence filled the room before he even stepped inside.

I didn’t turn. I didn’t want him to see what I looked like. That beneath all that wit and sass was a woman who was slowly giving her heart to him

“She’s stable,” I managed quietly.

I hoped he heard me.

I didn’t have it in me to say it twice, so instead I watched his shadow step closer and closer to me, till he finally walked past me and towards the other end of the bed.

“Thank you”

Those two words were the only things that he could afford to tell me. I guess I hadn’t mattered as much as I thought I had.

But still a part of me waited. Hoping he’d offer something…anything to be honest…. An explanation, a word, anything.

But he said nothing.

Just stood there.

Like he hadn’t kissed me until the world went still.

Like it hadn’t cost me everything to let him close.

He was just… watching.

Distant, like I was a plague he was trying so hard to avoid.

But me? I wanted to scream.

I wanted to ask, Who is she?

Who did you pick? Who’s the woman you’ll stand beside while I’m here pretending that kiss didn’t shatter me?

But I didn’t ask.

Because I wasn’t sure I could survive the answer.

I stood instead, “I’ll stay with her tonight,” I offered. “You should rest.”

his brows furrowed and his lips twitched, while I silently prayed the moon goddess be merciful to me and let him speak a few words. “All right.” He nodded and my heart sank.

That was all he said.

After everything.

I didn’t meet his eyes as he left.

But the door closed behind him leaving behind whatever feelings I thought he had.

Like he had chosen.

Like he had let me go without even realizing it.

Maybe he had.

Maybe I was never his to begin with.

Maybe I was just the means to calm a storm.

And now, he had found clarity.

But gods… I had burned for him.

And all I had left were ashes