Too Fat for Love

Maybe tomorrow, I told myself as I grabbed the bread out of the toast maker and placed it on the plate. Yes, from tomorrow on, I will start a healthier breakfast. Oh god, at this rate it will forever be tomorrow, and tomorrow will never arrive.

Ever felt like that? The night before you have it all planned out; a healthy breakfast, maybe a few sit ups or crunches, or ten start jumps — jumping jacks. But when you wake up, it's just so damn bloody cold you think, I'll do it tomorrow. And,that's exactly what I was feeling now, tomorrow it will be.

I nearly moaned at the smell of Nutella as I spread it on my toast. I just loved the smell of chocolate… but the taste, not so much. Yes, I know, a bit weird. The thing was I didn't like chocolate that much because large amounts gave me headaches. But every once in a blue moon, I get this craving that convinces me that the headache was worth it. I blame the wonderful — present once a month — period. It makes me crave sugar like no other thing on earth, especially when I wanted to hate it.

The door opened and I looked up to see Jenny stroll in like she owned my apartment — she might as well with the amount of time she spent here.

"Violet!!" she screamed as she barrelled into me,squishing me into a hug. I choked on the piece of toast in my mouth as it went down my throat — dry and scratching the sides.

"Dude, you are going to kill me," I said as I released myself from her hold.

She looked at my Nutella toast and frowned, "man, I wish I can eat it."

"Here, I can just make some more, you know," I told her, but she refused and backed away.

"Please, I can't indulge in that stuff, I need to lose weight."

I rolled my eyes, Jenny was perfectly skinny enough already — she didn't need to lose anything.

"Jenny darling, I need to lose weight," I snapped.

"Are you kidding me! You're so skinny Violet! You have, like, the perfect figure!"

I just rolled my eyes and continued to eat. The truth was, I didn't. I may have toned legs and arms, but that's where it stopped. That massive amount of flab that resembled a cushion around my stomach, back and — even now — forming between my shoulder blades, was gross.

I couldn’t even suck in my stomach to look skinny anymore — cause if I did, I still had flab showing, and that's when I knew I needed to work out.

But that's what tomorrow is for right? No, really, I should today.

Summer is in three months and, for once, I want to wear a nice Summer dress that didn’t require me to pretend to be skinny, or suck in my stomach.

"Come on, we're already late," I told her as I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on. After taking a glance at myself, I relaxed my stomach — seeing that the jacket cover everything, and sighed in relief . Ah, I nearly forgot the feeling. Every time I went out or had company, even if it was my bestest friend, my stomach went in.

I know I had a serious case of low self esteem, but I felt like all I did was complain about it, not actually try and work out or anything — at least, not enough.

Seeing as Jenny and I had our own business — we worked as wedding and event planners — you’d think that we’d find time to work out. But, as usual, ain't nobody got time for that.

I stared in envy as I watched Jenny pull on her jacket and button it up with no problems. She had perfect curves, like an hourglass — unlike mine— with the smooth curve. My curves, on the other hand, were getting wider, and I needed to stop it before it turned as wide as my neighbor’s door.

"Hurry up," I muttered as I left and ran down the apartment stairs. Jenny was already puffing at the top. I just didn't get it. I was way more fit than her, but she was still skinnier. Maybe it was because I would train,stop, and then train — so my body wasn't used to that cycle and I put it all back on… and kept it.

I tried to keep up with the training, but most of the training came from playing hockey — another reason why people would have thought I was skinny, or at least not fat. But, it's been nearly a year since I quit, and I hadn't done any sport since. I was grateful for the shapely legs it gave me, but that stopped mid-thigh were the flab had started to come back. I guess that was something else I had to work on too.

But, at least when I went on tippy toes, or the stair climber, you could see the muscle in my calves. I had muscles in my arms as well, but they were probably coated in a layer of fat by now. It wasn't that much fat, to be honest, but enough to make me uncomfortable. However, my real problem was my stomach.

I really, really needed to get rid of it and, I knew that it would be so damn hard. But, I wasn't going to starve myself, because if did, I got to the size I wanted and started eating again, it will just come back on.

No, I wanted to eat healthy, or moderately healthy, and work out. I felt like that's the only way me to be fit for life; eat what like you want to, and still maintain that body.

It was hard work, but I was prepared for it … tomorrow.

When I reached the bus stop, I validated my ticket and moved to get onto the bus, nearly crashing into the person in front of me — since I was too busy thinking. Way to go Violet.

"I’m so…rry," I said as he turned around and his blue eyes met mine. Oh my.