Unfit For Him, Now His Regret

Seraph 

The divorce papers felt like a platter of stone on my palm as I read its content. 

My eyes were blurry from the tears that refused to fall down from my cheeks. Realization dawned on me that very moment, making my legs give away. 

"What's this?" My lips managed to move, my voice barely above a whisper. 

Ronan cocked his brow at me before he chuckled. Slow. The one that made my heart hurt badly, it made me sound stupid. 

"You've got to be joking. The company... My company can't have someone like you as the CEO's wife." He said it like I was a shit. My chest tightened. 

"I've been married to you for three years, Ronan, three years... That's no joke." My eyes fell on my body. A part of me realizing where this would go. 

"You're chubby, Seraph. I need a woman who'd meet my standards and you're damn far from it. You told me you'd work on yourself, but it has only been you adding more pounds since this marriage started. I wouldn't have gotten married to you if I knew this would happen." 

His voice was icy. His facial expression was frustrated. So this was it. He never loved me from the start. It has always been my fantasy. One that would never be fulfilled no matter how I tried because I was considered a plus size and unwanted. 

" You know I've always been chubby, Ronan" I tried to defend myself, but my voice was weak. 

"You've always been chubby and a little curvy. Emphasis on a little curvy, now it's just fat everywhere I see. And that's disgusting, Seraph. You are unfit. "

Those words washed away every little confidence I had. My neck throbbed as I gulped down saliva, hoping this was a dream. 

" You want me to sign a divorce paper after three years of marriage?"I asked, my voice shaking. 

Silence stretched between us, telling me the answer. I slowly grabbed a pen next to him and signed away three years of believing he'd love me one day. Three years of thinking things would go right. Three years of trying to change my body because of him. 

I threw the papers at his face, anger rushed in my adrenaline. "This is exactly what you want, right?" I said loudly, my voice breaking. 

He sneered, picked up the papers and filed them into one. "I'd help you out. I know you have no place to go because your very own parents would reject you.." 

My heart sank for the second time. Once again, he mocked me because of my family being against me. 

"You could stay in the guestroom. I want your things out of my room." He didn't even spare me a glance. Just like every other day,I curled back, short of words because I felt bad about my body being chubby. It has always been this way. Everyone bodyshaming me because they felt I didn't belong and fit their expectations. 

"I suppose you ain't daft, Seraph," he said to me. 

"You realize that once I go out of that room , out of this house with my things... I'd never come back, right? "I said calmly. So calm that I felt it would affect me later. 

" I never wanted you to answer Edward's surname, "he said to me, his words cutting deep. 

" Why didn't you say this right after we got married? I would have left... You wasted three years of my life! "I shouted, my anger boiling over. 

He scoffed, looking at me with disgust." Who'd accept you? It was out of sheer pity.. you've got to be dreaming if you've thought I loved you these past years, Seraph." 

I held the pen tightly, hoping it wouldn't be ruined." You vowed on the altar, Ronan. "

There you go again Seraph. There you go again with that little mentality of yours. Vows are meant to be broken... Meant to be severed, woman." 

The tears that refused to fall all this while he ranted rubbish, fell freely from my eyes. I didn't stop it .

"I'd compensate you handsomely," he said, like it was a transaction. 

Every fiber in me wanted to retort everything he said back at him. Word for word. How it felt in my blood. But I could only gulp as fluid came out of my nose. 

" You think this is a joke? You think I stayed with you for three years because of some silly crush I had on you then? You think I'm that low ? "I sniffed. 

He operated his phone like I was a ghost. Just like every other day, my words and actions were never taken as anything. 

" You'd regret this, Ronan," I said calmly. 

He chuckled, his fingers relaxing his tense brow." I regretted three years of having something with you. "

My lips curved. It was a bitter smile. One that signified I was tired of trying. I dragged my feet on the floor to the room I'd always called ours. I lied to everyone who cared to listen that my husband loved me so much, even though I was chubby. He lived up to the falsehood, acting lovey dovey at occasions and family gatherings, but back home, he'd never lay on the same bed with me. 

This happened for three years.... Three full years and I never counted it as red flags. 

I packed my clothes in my bags hastily, closing it hurriedly and shoving it past the room door. I'd rather stay in a motel than face this embarrassment.

"I'm leaving," I muttered, almost at the entrance door, beads of sweat falling on my blue gown. 

Ronan looked up, as if unconcerned, before looking back at his phone. "You must come to a family gathering tomorrow..at your parents house..." 

I froze. "What?" 

"I'm not..," I answered quickly. 

"You would and that's final, you don't want to make Elena feel bad when she comes back." 

I froze. "What do you mean?" 

"Elena will be back by tomorrow and we're giving her a welcome party. Everyone from both families. Don't let this go wrong." 

Elena, my younger sister, is coming back to the country. She didn't tell me... The one everyone had always cherished and loved. The one that got all the parental love while I washed the dishes as part of exercise. The one who'd been branded as an epitome of perfection. I was left out again. There isn't any need starting here when I know it'd be my death.