Simula

BAGUIO City is where we got engaged. During Christmas day, Liam surprised my innocent face by kneeling down to me, showing a small box and a shining, shimmering small silver-diamond ring as if he was asking me to be the woman of his everyday life.

And I said yes.

"I don't find any reason to refuse you, honey," mangiyak-ngiyak kong sabi habang pinanonood ko siyang masayang isinusuot sa palasingsingan ko ang singsing.

That day was the second to the best day of my life, next to my marriage day, of course. Sa loob ng walong taon naming magkarelasyon, nakakatuwang isipin na sa wakas, inaya niya na rin akong magpakasal.

"Hindi mo alam kung gaano mo ako napasaya." He cupped my face as his eyes getting teary. "I won't let you regret accepting my proposal, Kris." As he stood up to meet my face, I grabbed his neck and kissed his lips. Just for a moment of time, in return of showing how he made me delighted by his surprise.

Ngunit dahil na-enjoy namin pareho ang halikan na pinangunahan ko, I could sense his finger getting inside my blouse. He was now trying to unbutton my bralette when I stopped him.

Marahan ko siyang itinulak palayo sa akin, and then I smiled. "Not too soon, Liam. Let's just do it on our honeymoon, shall we?"

"Then, stop seducing your future husband. Alam mong madali akong maakit sa simpleng halik mo lang," natatawa niyang sinabi 'yon bago niya ako inakbayan at nagsimulang maglakad paalis sa lugar na akala ko ay papasyalan namin, 'yon pala ay magiging proposal venue sa akin ni Liam.

I still can't get over it. Upon looking at my finger wearing that glamorous, exorbitant ring, I couldn't control myself smiling expansively.

Parang hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na totoong nangyari 'to. It still beyond my belief happening this scenario na sa panaginip ko lang paulit-ulit na ipine-play.

If this was just a dream, I won't really wake up anymore.

*****

AND the day of our wedding has come. People are looking so happy watching Liam and I exchanging vows at each other.

The decorations of the church screams extravagant and the wedding gown I'm wearing is a bit heavy but looks natural and elegant.

Everything seemed perfect on the day we were exchanging our promises with each other.

"To Kirsten Angeline Bargamento, I am pleased to accept you as my wife. Walang isang araw mula nang maging magkarelasyon tayo na hindi ko inisip at pinangarap na maging asawa ka. That's how much I love you, honey."

"Noong araw na nag-propose ako sa iyo, para akong aatakihin sa puso habang hinihintay ang sagot mo. Naisip ko kasi noon na baka hindi pa sapat ang paghihintay ko sa iyo nang walong taon para maging handa ka nang maging asawa ko."

"But as you said yes to me, ako na yata ang pinakamasayang lalaki sa buong mundo that day. I'm on top of the world the moment I heard from your mouth the word I wanted to hear."

"And as we standing here, in front of the creator of the world, buong puso akong nangangako na aalagaan kita at mamahalin hangga't hindi pa pagod ang puso kong tumibok, at hangga't hindi napapagod ang baga ko na huminga."

"You're now my everything, Kirsten. Ikaw lang at ng isang dosena nating mga anak na ipinangako mo sa aking ibibigay mo," he muttered in between laughs.

"I promise you a good life, a healthy living and a happy family, Kris. Ayokong mangako sa iyo ng magandang bahay, ng magandang kotse, o ng magagandang bag at damit. All those material things are nothing but brings to people a short-term happiness."

"What I wanted to promise is to give you the life that you deserve. In return for loving me, I will always love you until my last breath. I will love you even in after life, honey." He smiled at me as I noticed his hold becoming tight.

"Magkasama nating lalabanan ang bawat bukas na darating. At nangangako ako sa iyong hinding-hindi kita sasaktan, hinding-hindi kita paluluhain. Ang babaeng kagaya mo ay dapat masayang lang ang luha sa tuwa, hindi sa pighati. I will water you with only happiness, so you will grow to be a wildest flower."

And as our vows finished coming out in our mouth, the father's permission to the groom to kiss his bride has been given.

*****

THIS moment of us touching each other's lips are the best memories I always remember in my everyday's misery.

At least with just a memory, I once had been given a chance to be happy and to enjoy the day of my wedding... before my almost heaven-sent angel husband became a barbaric devil that I could no longer recognize.

"Ano na namang kagagahan ito, Kris?!" Lumapit ang asawa ko sa akin at iniahon niya ako mula sa pagkakalumpasay ko sa sahig by pinching my cheeks.

"Hindi mo ba alam kung magkano ang halaga ng mga chinese herbs na 'yan para lang mabuntis ka? Tapos ano? Sasayangin mo lang imbes na inumin mo dapat? Baliw ka na ba?!"

"S-Sumuko ka n-na, Liam," nauutal kong sambit. Isa na ring factor na pisil-pisil niya ang pisngi ko kaya hindi ako makapagsalita nang maayos. "K-Kahit ano'ng g-gawin m-mo, h-hindi talaga k-kita mabibigyan n-ng anak..." Sunod-sunod na butil ng luha ang rumagasa sa aking pisngi.

Good thing na itinulak na ako ni Liam palayo sa kanya, kahit papaano ay maluwag na akong nakakahinga.

"Marami akong pera. Handa akong ubusin lahat ng pera ko para lang magkaanak ka. You just have to follow me." Muli siyang lumapit sa akin kaya't ako ay takot na takot na napaatras, ngunit nagawa niya pa rin akong maabot at dahan-dahang hinaplos ang pisngi ko.

"Please lang, honey. Huwag ka nang gagawa ng bagay na hindi ko gusto para hindi ko na nadadagdagan 'yang mga pasa sa katawan mo. Be a good wife to me, hmm?"

Ilag na ilag ang mukha ko nang halikan niya ako sa pisngi. And after saying his last words to me, he left the room. Ikinulong niya na naman ako sa madilim na kwartong ito, na malapit nang magmukhang bodega.

Napasinghap ako nang pag-atras ko sa lamesang hindi ko alam na nasa likod ko pala, may nabasag na salamin.

And that was our picture frame no'ng ikinasal kami ni Liam. It was now cracked... and so the love I had with him damaged starting on the day he locked me in this place.

"Sabi niya hindi niya ako sasaktan... hindi niya ako paluluhain. Pero, anong nangyari ngayon? Nasaan na 'yong mga pangako niya?" Nanginginig akong napaupo habang umiiyak at kumuha ng pamantingin mula sa nabasag na picture frame.

I'm tired of living this fvcking life. Can I just die?