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CHAPTER 10
Even if I wanted to die already, someone would still really saves me. I want to end my suffering. The pain here in my heart was too much and I think I could not handle it anymore.
I do not wanna live forever.
Fuck this life. I am tired anymore. I want to rest. Everything is too much for me.
I have a lot of problems and my mind could not even grasp them all anymore. It was like my head wants to explode because of too much thoughts. How I wish I know nothing. How I fucking wish I have no brain because I do not want to think and know how cruel the world is.
I fucking hate my damn life!
"Astra, hey."
I felt someone wagged my shoulders lightly. I groaned when I tried to move my hands. It was like I was frozen and I could not even move. I felt my body numb hence I could not explain what I was feeling to the exact.
"Astra, you are tearing up. I bet you are already awake. Stop thinking bad things, can you?"
I heard Jinx's voice again p
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I don't know what did just happened. But I was shocked because I continued living. I could not say that I am happy, but at least, I went on in life. I still survived with the cruel world I belong.I am still not fine because I was suffering depression and anxiety. It was so hard to the point that I want to die already, because my mind and heart could not take the pain anymore. It was so fucking hard.But there is really someone who would not leave you."Astra, eat this." I pursed my lips when Jinx sat beside me. I was just lying on my bed and was staring at the blank ceiling. He attached his palm on my forehead to check my temperature and shook his head after feeling how hot I am. "Take meds later, eat this first."I nodded my head even if I struggled doing it. He guided me get up and leaned against the headboard of the bed with pillow against my back and the wood. I am not hungry, but I have to eat something. I do not want to get sick more be
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"Wow, it's good here..." I uttered in amazement when Jinx told me that we should go to the backyard of a unique house. It was really good.The looks of the backyard was so good in the eyes. It has a lot of flowers that could attract someone. The Bermuda grass was cut nicely. I do not know who owns this but I admire them for making this beautiful view and for taking care of it."You know who owns this...?" I asked Jinx in a slow manner. When I looked at him, he was already staring at me. My cheeks then heated because the way he really stares at me was different. I see something that I should not see and know."Me," he said and forced a smile. He then looked away while I was stunned. Really? I would always be surprise to the things he shows at me and I would know later on that he owns amazing things? That he was a part of everything I was amazed of."W-wow, how nice, Jinx..." I whispered and smiled. He bit his lower lip and just nod his head, could not even
Wretched Self CHAPTER 13
It was so hard to live with no freedom. It was not easy to just see the darkness and you are struggling seeking for the light. It was hard to live if you do not even want to. It was hard to do everything that you are not even fond of. It was so freaking hard like you're in hell.I covered my face with a white pillow and stopped myself from crying again. But I am not that strong to stop my tears from falling. And since I am just alone here in my room, I just let my sobs come out my mouth for me not to struggle from breathing.It was been weeks when I choses to study at home but I could not focus myself on the lessons because something bad was stealing my mind which made me to not think clearly.Even Jinx was confused because of my situation. Not that he do not know my problems and where I was suffering. I know he was getting tired of taking care of me because I always do the same thing. I do not eat that much and I prefer crying in the pillows.I always sa
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I don't get myself anymore.I sighed heavily and wiped my tears strolled down my cheeks. Funny why I am crying in the midst of washing the dishes I have used after I eat. I remembered my family and especially my father, I miss them but they do not even do the same.I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying nonstop. When I finished washing the plates, I looked at the time and saw that it was already six in the evening.I should go to sleep now.I yawned and stared at the blank wall. I do not know what would be the right thing to do since I could not think clearly. I closed all of the windows and doors first before I head to the room where I would be sleeping. But in the midst of walking towards the room, I saw a note plastered on the cabinet.It caught my attention because I have read his name over there — Jinx' name.I went near it and got it before I read what was written. "Always full your stomach and ta
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After we had breakfast Jinx invited to the mall and I could not refuse because I wanna see the view of it too.Not that I never went to mall, maybe I did but just thrice and no other. I want to see what it looks like now and I also had to enjoy life. Life is too short and even if I am anxious having fun, I do not want to waste my time here in the Earth.I just realized that life is too short to be just stressed and feel blue."Do you want this, Astra?" Jinx asked and showed me a shoes. I bit my lower lip out of shame. I am not used of him buying me some stuffs. He had not tell me that he would buy me things I need and I thought we will just wander around."Uh, I don't want that.."He raised his brows before he looked down at my shoes. "Yeah, you do not because you need it. Come on and wear it to know if this would suit to you."I had no choice but to wear it like what he said. I then stifled myself from smiling upon seeing it suits to
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Wretched Self CHAPTER 17
"Have you seen Jinx?"Sew looked at me with the side of her lips rose up. "You have been looking for him often, why? Are you missing that man already? I doubt about it, Astra."I bit my lower lip because she seems like teasing me. I could not even deny because I know to myself that I really miss Jinx already. He did not even show up himself these past few days! I started my home school and he said he will accompany me but he did not.Anyway, he made me borrow his another laptop. I told him that phone is already okay and enough since I do not know how to use laptop, hence he guided me on how to open it and such a thing so I would familiarize it before I start my class."I just need his help for our lesson, Sew. And he also promised that he will help me make my projects if I struggles." I had to defend myself so I will not be doomed. Sew is such an observant person and without any of my notice, she already know things that I hides against her.She ra
Wretched Self CHAPTER 18
"Sew said that you are looking for me, was it true?"I held my chest in so much shock when Jinx appeared from my behind all of a sudden. How did he get here silently? I was just busy cleaning the unit because Sew has left and he came on the other hand to shock the hell out of me. But then I stiffened because of what he just asked. But yes, I was looking for him.I slowly turned my body to him while holding cleaning materials for the dusty floor. I the gulped when I saw him with his formal shirts and shorts. His hair was plainly nice. He seemed like he just went to a meeting. "H-Huh? Did I?"He pursed his lips and slowly nodded. "I came here because Sew told me that you are looking for me, I thought you need something?"I felt guilty. He might in a work that I do not know and when Sew told her that I was looking for him, he went here just to see and know if something happens and if I need something. "U-Uh, I do not really need something."His
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