disbelief

Living in the human world wasn’t so bad, after I crawled out of hell a few years ago.

Learning their language and their social cues or whatever was pretty easy to grasp. Though these humans change every few seasons, there’s nothing interesting about them.

Talking to people became shallow and unbearable due to their small talk and awkward interactions. Yet I find myself drawn them.

Back at home, I was alone as I am now but it’s different now. Though not as much, it’s much nicer here.

Sitting in a random bench just watching the people be, the children playing. I never thought I would be free of that place. I was surprise to see how much stuff they had. It was a whole different world for me. I had help to adjust.

I end up going home close to midnight just to walk around at night and rejuvenate my skin with the darkness it brings. Though the motion brings up memories I’d rather not relive.

The truth is I’m alone. And it’s been like that always. I’ve never really minded it but some nights the truth hits me pretty hard.

The feeling of dread creeps up on me the closer I get to my home. The sinking feeling in my chest goes lower to my stomach at the knowledge that my home is empty and no one is there waiting for me. I mean sure I am a demon so I should be badass awesome and do whatever it is i please and so on but thats not how it is for me.

I guess the reason why I fit in so much with the humans is because I might as well be one. All the sadness and misery, the agony and suppression I feel them all as well and more so due to my heighten senses. I don’t want to live like a demon yet I won’t deny what I am. Sometimes I forget I am one.

Standing in front of my house I push in the key and turn, sighing deeply I enter my quiet home with a heaviness that I brush off like lint. “I’m home”, yep not even an echo. Walking to my room I won’t even stop by the bathroom I’ll just take off my clothes and just straight into bed most nights out the week. Too exhausted to do anything else anyway.

My mind instantly drift to lavender and a soft laughs I close my eyes due to the harsh sadness that washes over me at the thought of my junior, Peter. I start to quietly sob because in reality what else is there to do?

Nothing to change my thoughts away, no one for me to use as a distraction so all that is left is to sit with it forcefully and alone. My crying goes on and on uncontrollably, I honestly don’t even think it’s me at this point, even if I wanted to stop I couldn’t, the memories wouldn’t let me, something in me demanded I mourn him that I avenge him. I knew better of course yet these goddamned tears.

After I left my home my name and face was plastered across all stations in the underworld. No one really can just leave the underworld you need approval from the all mighty and have an escort to and fro with limited stay or you become rouge.

Choosing to become the latter my father becoming dramatic sent word that I left and now hunters are after me. I hate my father and no doubt he hates me. He just wants to save face and keep control over his things. I’ll show him quick I don’t belong next to him not now not ever.

The hunters are known for their speed and persistence also their winning streak, they always catch their prey. If I didn’t know any better, I think my father sent them to just kill me and be over with it. But no I’m alive and I get to decide who I live this life.

In the beginning of my departure I was careless, I got close to peter, just a kid really but I was vulnerable and I needed a friend, I didn’t know the human world and he had such a wide view of it. I just latched onto him and became attached.

I was optimistic for finally becoming independent and doing my own thing so I didn’t hide much or try to conceal myself so I basically made it easy for the hunters to find me. The hunter ripped through him without a second thought.

As we turn an alleyway. It was because I still wasn’t used to the sun so I was usually out at night and he insisted to come. I curl up into a ball as I reluctantly cried harder into myself. The way he screamed and the look in his eyes when he told me to run.. fuck what would he think if he knew that hunter was here for me, that I was a demon.

Woken up by the streaks of sunlight peaking through my window I wonder when I fell asleep. Like always I can’t remember much besides the crying and the faint smell of lavender.

I thought it was unusual for a male to smell as such but it’s the scent he liked most. It sizzled my nose but for him I endured it to the point of immunity.

Deeply sighing I thank the heavens for another day for the sun and my life, images of Peter’s bloodied body flash to vividly I almost curse the heavens for their cruelty instead I walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth, I sniff my hair shrug and tie it up as pretty as I can, put on a fresh pair of everything, smelled my pits and shrugged again put some liquid deodorant on and started my day with the heaviness that latched onto me like a second skin.