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Lahat ng Kabanata ng Lost Soul: Kabanata 1 - Kabanata 10

31 Kabanata

The Beginning of the End

My hands are shaking as I held a blade over my pulse. My palms are sweaty and cold, tears stream from my eyes as the past events in my life unfold before me. I watch my life rewind with an emotionless stare as all I feel now is that I am so lost. Hopeless. Sad. Alone. I could hear my breathing as it comes out fast. I'm scared but I feel like this is the only way to escape. To stop the madness that is creeping on me. The terror gripped me. I no longer want to live. I cannot see myself walking this earth anymore as life has repaid me nothing but sorrow, pain, and endless melancholy. I gave everything into the universe, all the love, joy, and hard work that I can do, I gave my life my all, but it failed me. I failed me. I was not designed to be amongst the living. I do not deserve to live anymore. The bubbly, happy girl is gone. All I am is a pathetic lost soul. Hollow and wretched I walk

Burying the Dead

It is a bright summer day, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining brightly. It is a big contrast to what this day is. It’s Hannah’s funeral. It is quite a big event, flowers everywhere at the chapel and a whole lot of people. Looking at each of them one by one, none of them cared for Hannah. I see a bunch of her so-called friends and a whole lot of our mom’s friends. I look at them with disdain and I can’t help but feel a lump in my throat forming, as I see my mom demurely accept condolences from her people looking so distraught followed by her fake sniffles. I know for a fact she never cared for her. It’s disgusting. I cannot take it any longer. As the funeral reaches its end. I leave the chapel and drive back to the mansion. As I approach the door, I stop and get a cigarette from my coat pocket, and light it up. I breathe in deeply and savor the calmness it brings me. It is a breath of fresh air for me, when I close my eyes all I see is Hannah’s bloodied body d

Do you remember?

Dearest Matthew, You're probably thinking what kind of morbid thoughts have entered my crazy mind as I am writing to you from the other side. Technically, I'm not yet dead as I was writing this but in my heart and soul, I've long been dead. Matt, you know you were the only one that has always been there for me. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, for always having my back with all the insane things I've done and yet I still get into trouble all the time. But hey, it's not your fault, it's just that mom and your dad hate me to the core of their bones. Don't worry, I was not crying while writing this. I have long accepted my fate that my own mother will never love me the way she loves you and our siblings. And your dad, don't get me started. He doesn't even acknowledge that I exist. He pretends all the time that I'm some distant bad dream that if he pinches himself just hard enough, I will vanish. I don't blame him because he never saw me as his daugh

Sheep's Clothing

"I never wanted a savior, I never wanted a white knight to sweep me off my feet to carry me away from my troubles. I only wanted to be loved." Tears streamed down my eyes as I continue reading Hannah's letter, I wanted to die that moment I felt as if I don't deserve to be alive. I'm angry that I cannot avenge Hannah because my bastard father is dead! He did not deserve that peaceful death, he deserved a lifetime of agony. He loved me, I know, he was a good father to me but Hannah? He was a monster! He was evil underneath that sheep's clothing. "How can I help you, Hannah?"I said aloud, lost in my thoughts. I'm so torn on how I will continue to face my family having this burden of knowing everything. It will destroy us. The company he has built, the love of all the people around us. When he died everyone was in mourning. We lost a good man, that's what everyone thought, but I know Hannah more than anyone and I know she will never lie to me. But why? Why just

I Remember It Well

Devon just came back to his house after a night of partying. A day after my burial he's already out and about getting laid and drunk. How Sweet. I muttered to myself as I spy on him stumbling with his keys to open the door. Devon stepped inside his empty house. Like me, Devon was quite the lost soul, but unlike me, he must have enjoyed the fact that his parents are always away. Must have been nice than being in the same house every single day, all the forced interactions, the awkward nods. He is lucky he doesn't have to go through that. In fact, his parents must love him dearly or rather overcompensate with their inadequacies by always bailing him out of trouble and giving him the best things in life. I guess his carefree attitude attracted me to him. I naturally gravitated to his rebellious tendencies which my friends find repulsing. He was insanely rich and troubled at the same time. We may look like the power couple in high school, the extra popular pa

Of Tequila Shots and Regrets

I woke up with a massive headache. I was out so late last night with Cassidy, she invited me to her place and of course, things got hot and heavy as it always was with her, it was good while it lasted, but when I rolled off from on top of her and I tried to close my eyes all I could see was her - Hannah. God, I miss her. I did not bother to wake up Cassidy or give her a proper goodbye. I just drove off and went home. I couldn't bear to stay and see her the following morning knowing in my heart and soul that I just want to get Hannah off of my mind and that's why I hook up with Cassidy. It's all too late knowing I made a mistake, because well, Hannah is dead. "Dead." I scoffed as I drink water from the tap. It's such a short lifeless word devoid of emotions when you blurt it out but evokes a million other feelings when you have lost someone, sadness, longing, and regret. It's hard to feel that, knowing that you can never turn back and there is no more room for reconciliation

Deja Vu

Dear Devon, I have no idea where to start or how...Our goodbyes were so sudden. I'd be a fool to say I saw it coming. That night when you touched my cheeks held me oh so close and kissed me so gently, I never knew that after that you would utter the words "Goodbye Hannah..." I was stunned, I was devastated as you simply walked away without any explanation. I could still taste your lips and feel the warmth of your embrace as I lay down on the tub where I ended my life. A fitting ending, because when you walked away I felt my life shatter to pieces and my heart stopped beating. Did you know that night was the final nail to my coffin? That was the last straw, you were the only remaining string that held me to my dear life and you cut it off just like that. Don't you think I love you too much to be discarded like that? My heart sank as I read that line. Hannah, if you only knew how I regretted that night and how I learned too late that I was wrong

The Memory

I woke up lying on the floor, my head is pounding, and my whole body was stiff and in pain. I was confused, I could not remember very well what happened, I do not know why I am lying on the cold hard floor and why I felt so much pain in my neck. I groggily got up, it took a few minutes for me to be able to find my balance. I felt like the floors are shifting under my feet as I scrambled towards the bar to get myself a glass of water. As I gulped, a piercing pain shoot through my throat. I coughed and coughed and as I looked at the hand that was covering my mouth, I saw drops of fresh blood. I was so shocked and hurriedly run towards the comfort room, I gasped as I looked at myself in the mirror, there were red and brown marks on my neck. Suddenly, flashes of memory washed over me and I remembered - it was Hannah, she strangled me. As the realization shook me, I could not fathom how I feel and what I would do. It's impossible and yet the bruises on my neck say otherwise. How

The Lovely Revenge

I look at my phone for the hundredth time today. I've been staring and checking on my phone for the past hour while I lounge at our porch. It's a cold December day and the days seem to be gloomy like what I have been feeling for the past days. I tuck my blonde hair that fell from my messy bun. My blue eyes are wide with exasperation. It's past noon and I haven't heard from Devon, it has been three days since I have talked to him. I woke up after a night of partying and he was no longer by my side, he just left so abruptly without saying a word. It was not like him, he has always been so sensitive when it comes to simple things like that. I'm afraid that Hannah's death has sparked something in him that could jeopardize our new relationship status. It's not like I have not been sad after Hannah died but I'm feeling something that I know I should not be even thinking about. It's a feeling so ugly it eats me up every time I saw a hint of sadness in Devon's eyes when we are together. Aft

The Trap

I got to Devon's house and I hurriedly parked in his driveway. I went to the door and found the door ajar. I push it and heard voices, Devon's voice, it's as if he was talking to someone. the house was a mess, whisky and beer bottles were scattered on the table, but what caught my eyes were the pill bottles sprawled at the table I went near it and picked it up they were Diazepam. My heart was racing, I felt the cold air sweep through me. "Devon?!" I shouted. Suddenly, he stopped talking I went around and saw him in his backyard by the pool holding a bottle of beer. He was sitting at the lounge chair looking like a mess. "Hey, baby..." I cautiously said as I approach him. He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and dark circles underneath. "Oh my God, Devon what happened to you I sat beside him. He looked alarmed, I held his face and said "What's the matter? What's wrong? Please talk to me..." His stare was blank and I shook him "Devon! Hey! snap out of it!" He looked at

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