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Ruins of a Sinner のすべてのチャプター: チャプター 21 - チャプター 30

59 チャプター

The Better Option

WEDNESDAY CAME and one of the reasons I don't like this day during this current semester was because of the NSTP II schedule. Hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan kung bakit pa required kunin ang NSTP. Aanhin ko 'to sa profession na balak kong tahakin? It's not like being kind, patriotic and helpful have to be learned in school. These three things are better to learn from experience, in real-life settings and in actual interactions with the people around you. Para sa akin ang absurd na kailangan mo pang i-discuss sa tao with pen, paper and projector ang pagmamahal sa bansa, pagiging mabuti at matulungin. Don't humans have rational thinking to recognize these things and do them? Sa totoo lang, hindi ako sigurado kung paano ko nailusot ang NSTP I. Ang naalala ko lang nun, madalas din akong absent kasi puro lectures at seminars lang ang ganap at hindi naman counted sa GWA kaya kahit tres lang makuha ko, basta pasado, hindi apektado ang GWA na iniingatan ko. Anyway, I passed NSTP I, that'

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The Cheater's Trap

Year 2018, March(Three years ago)Gaya ng napag-usapan namin ni Nick, magse-celebrate kami ng graduation ko sa apartment niya nang kaming dalawa lang. Hindi ko mapigilan ang ngumiti nang malawak dahil sa excitement sa mga gagawin namin ni Nick.I miss him so damn much. Dahil sa graduation ko, naging busy ako 'tapos si Nick naman naging medyo abala rin sa pag-asikaso kay Ate Agatha kasi nalaman naming buntis siya. Yes. My older sister is pregnant and instead of being happy, I felt betrayed. Nick didn't even mind to give me a heads up about that. Habang may nangyayari sa pagitan namin, ni hindi niya man lang ako binalaan na bubuntisin niya na ang ate ko.Ang sakit no'ng malaman ko 'yon pero nawala rin kaagad 'yung sakit nang sabihin ni Nick na hindi niya naman ako iiwan. Magkakaanak lang daw siya pero mahal niya pa rin ako. At tanga nga siguro ako para tanggapin pa rin siya sa kabila nang mas paglaki ng kasalanan ko. Hindi na lang mag-asawa ang sinisira ko, kun'di isa nang pamilya. Pe

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Never the First Woman

Year 2018, March(Three years ago)Habol ang bawat paghinga ko kasabay ng mabilis na tibok ng aking puso dahil sa excitement at anticipation sa mga gagawin sa akin ni Nick.I could feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead and some of it dripping from my nape down to my shoulders and bared breasts. The sensitive flesh in between my legs is wet and aching for Nick's touch and kisses.The darkness that I could only see because of my blindfold, added to the excitement that burns my body with pleasure and desire. My hands, which are restrained by handcuffs from both of my sides, helped my shaking legs to steady my balance and remain standing as I wait for whatever Nick was going to do."Anong safe word mo, Ava?"Huminga muna ako nang malalim bago sumagot, "Sunflower."Ramdam ko na nakatayo lang sa harapan ko si Nick— dahil dama ko ang init na nanggagaling sa hubad na katawan niya."Sunflower," he said using his husky voice as I felt his hand grabbing my nape. "Huwag mong kakalimutan

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The Mistress

Year 2018, March (Three years ago) "Y-Yes, Sir." That's when he slowly entered me. Napaangat kaagad ang balakang ko para salubungin ang pagkalalaki niyang pumupuno sa akin. I closed my eyes and pulled my hair out from my head as Nick filled all of me. "Oh gosh! Sir!" "Yes, Ava. Umungol ka para sa akin. Alam kong sarap na sarap ka." "Ahhhh!" He didn't waste any second. The second he was deeply buried inside me, he slowly pulled his shaft out only to roughly pushed it again inside me. Halos tumirik ang mga mata ko sa paraan ng pag-angkin ni Nick sa akin. Sagad na sagad. "Ahhhh! Ang sarap, Sir! Yes... Hmnn!" Kusang naglaro ang kamay ko sa mga nipples ko habang pabilis nang pabilis ang paglabas-pasok ni Nick sa akin. His hands were gripping both of ankles as he held it tightly to have the proper balance to claim me on this position. "Ahh! Ang sarap talagang bumaon sa 'yo palagi, Ava! Walang-wala ang ate mo sa sikip at sa init ng loob mo!" A victorious smile spread on my lips as

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The Handprint of Depression

SINABI na ni Zach na hindi siya makakapunta ngayong gabi sa apartment ko. Busy daw siya sa wedding preparation nila ni Joven. Malinaw naman sa akin ang message niyang 'yon.Kaya hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit sa kabila ng sakit, nando'n pa rin 'yung maliit na pag-asa— na baka matapos niya kaagad 'yung kailangan nilang gawin ni Joven— o baka gumawa ulit siya ng palusot sa fiance niya 'tapos ay didiretso siya rito at susurpresahin ako.That little hope inside me made me hold on to Zach. Kahit sinabi na niyang hindi siya makakapunta, mas pinili kong pinanghawakan 'yung maliit na pag-asa na baka piliin ako ni Zach.Pinanghawakan ko 'yung posibilidad na pumunta pa rin siya sa apartment ko gaya ng ipinangako niya sa akin. Kaya kahit hindi sigurado, nang makarating ako sa apartment ko galing ng university, kaagad akong naghanda ng pagkain.I prepared dinner for the two of us, just in case Zach would choose to come over. I cooked his favorite pininyahang manok, the same level

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Trying to Hide the Pain

FRIDAY came and I haven't heard anything about Zach since Wednesday when I had a break down because of so much jealousy and pain.Naghintay ako ng paliwanag niya kung bakit nagsinungaling siya sa akin. He said he couldn't come over to my place that Wednesday night because of his and Joven's wedding preparation. But then, I ended up hearing them fucking each other. Sabihin na lang natin na kaya ako tumagal sa ganitong klaseng relasyon ay dahil sa mga excuses na paulit-ulit kong tinatanggap mula kay Zach. That's how I get by as a mistress and how I discarded my conscience. As long as Zach was making excuses for us to work out, I promised to myself that I would never let go. This was how masochistic I was- since from my relationship with Nick up until now.Sasabihin ng iba ginusto kong maging kabit dahil pinili kong manatili, kahit toxic, kahit may nasasaktan na iba at kahit hindi naibibigay sa akin ang tamang pagmamahal na deserve ko. But what people don't understand was how toxicity co

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The Answer for 'I Love You'

Nagpalakpakan muli ang audience nang itaas ni Rupert ang kamay kasabay ng pagdikit ng drummer sa drum sticks nito at tatlong beses pinalo sa isa't isa.The electric sound of the guitar filled the room along with the high-pitched beat of the cymbals. Then, the steady deep beat coming from the base drum started the steady tone that was followed by the base and rhythm guitar. Rupert hold the microphone stand and gave the audience a serious and mysterious gaze.Hindi ko mapigilang humanga sa confidence na mayro'n si Rupert sa pagpe-perform. Halata kasi na totoong confidence 'yon at hindi lang pinepeke para magmukhang magaling katulad ng palagi kong ginagawa. He's really good at this and he's really enjoys doing this. Sana all."This song is for a woman I recently met. This is for her who always look at me with her sad eyes."Napaawang ang bibig ko sa sinabing iyon ni Rupert. He didn't say a particular name and he didn't look at me. But why did it feel like he was pertaining to me? Sa dami

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The Limitation She Challenged

FlashbackMasama ang loob ko kay Nick dahil sa ginawa niyang pag-iwan sa akin sa kalagitnaan ng ginagawa namin para kay Ate. Nagmakaawa ako sa kaniya pero hindi niya man lang ako pinakinggan.Kaya ilang araw ko na rin siyang iniiwasan at hindi pinapansin. Scratch that— iniiwasan ko siya at mukhang wala siyang pakeelam. Kaya lalo akong naiinis. Sobrang nagseselos ako sa biglang pagiging sweet at maalaga niya sa Ate ko na hindi naman niya ginagawa noon. He's being too attentive to her. Dahil ba buntis si Ate?Ang nakakatanga lang, ni hindi gumawa ng paraan si Nick para kumustahin ako matapos niya akong iwan noong gabing iyon. Mukhang pabor na pabor nga sa kaniya na nagtatampo ako nang ganito kasi mas may oras siya sa Ate ko.At hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko matitiis na 'wag sabihin ang relasyon namin ni Nick. Ilang beses nang sumagi sa isip ko sabihin kay Ate Agatha ang totoo 'tapos ay papiliin si Nick. He said he loves me, that's why, I'm enduring this setup.Pero, unti-unti na

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Safe Haven

Hinihingal na nagising ako mula sa masamang panaginip na iyon. May eyes were wet because of tears and my chest is moving up and down because of my deep breaths."Ava?"Unti-unting nawala ang takot at sakit dahil sa bangungot na iyon nang makita ko si Zach sa gilid ng kama ko. Nakayakap siya sa baywang ko habang nakaunan naman ako sa isa niyang braso. We were both naked under the sheets."You had a bad dream?"Kiming tumango lang ako at kaagad niyang pinunasan ang mga mata ko. Pinatalikod niya ako nang pagkakahiga saka niyakap. He caged me in his arms in spooning position like we always do."Anong oras na? Hindi ka pa ba aalis?" wala sa sariling tanong ko habang kinakalma ang sarili.Zach's arms around me tightened. He even kissed my shoulder and head before pulling me closer."Nah. I won't go anywhere, Ava. I'll stay until Sunday with you."Napaawang ang bibig ko. Akmang haharap ako kay Zach nang pigilan niya ako sa pamamagitan nang paghigpit ng yakap sa akin. He even wrapped his legs

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Denying the Reality

Napaawang ang bibig ko nang bigla niyang hawakan ang aking kaliwang braso kung saan nando'n ang hindi pa ring humihilom na sugat na ginawa ko sa aking sarili. It was still covered with bandage and the stinging pain was still there.Tumiim ang bagang ni Zach habang hinahaplos ang nakabenda kong braso. He didn't ask me about it or what was the reason of my punctured arm. He didn't also ask me about what happened to me last Wednesday after he stood me up to fuck Joven."Don't let yourself get hurt again, Ava. I don't like it when you're hurt."You're hurting me, Zach. You're hurting more than any kind of wound."Hindi mo ba itatanong kung bakit ako may sugat?"Sa halip na sagutin ako, paakyat na gumapang ang kamay niya mula sa nakabendang parte ng braso ko paakyat sa balikat ko. He caressed my shoulder before his other hand caressed my hair. "I miss you so damn much, Ava."Kaagad akong napapikit nang bumaba ang labi niya sa labi ko. He kissed me fully, with so much ferocity and I got los

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