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Lahat ng Kabanata ng Ruins of a Sinner: Kabanata 41 - Kabanata 50

59 Kabanata

The Slave's Trauma

SA AKIN ka lang, Ava... Sa akin ka lang.Hinihingal na napabalikwas ako ng pagkakabangon dahil sa masamang panaginip— isang bangungot na palagi akong dinadalaw sa bawat gabi.Napasabunot ako sa aking sarili habang hinahabol ang bawat paghinga. Naninigas at nanginginig ang aking katawan. Dama ko ang pagtulo ng pawis mula sa noo ko. Kaagad kong tinakpan ang mukha ko ng aking mga kamay habang sinasabi sa sarili ko, "Panaginip lang 'yon, Ava."Every night— every damn night, I would wake up from a nightmare, crying and scared. These nightmares were mostly flashes of tragic memories with Nick and how he owned my body and selfishly used it like a toy."Panaginip lang 'yon, Ava." I wiped my wet cheeks because of tears before my gaze went to the strong arm wrapped around my waist.Doon ko lang naalala na katabi ko si Zach at dito siya natulog matapos sabihin sa akin ang lahat ng tungkol sa masama niyang karanasan noon. Kahit paano, humupa ang takot ko dahil nandito si Zach.Bumaling ako ng tin

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-20

Done With Running Away

I DON'T have the energy to wake up this Sunday because of everything that happened last Friday. Yesterday, because of that event, I did nothing but to sulk and moped around. I was staring blankly until the day ended. The fear, anxiety and the trauma kept me up the whole Saturday night and up until dawn today. Nakatulog lang ang namamaga kong mga mata mula sa pag-iyak dahil sa pagod. I stared at my ceiling as the alarm of my cellphone keeps ringing. Flashes of what happened last Friday night came back on my mind and my body automatically shivered in fear. Hindi ko inaasahan na gustong gawin din sa akin 'yon ni Zach. Sobrang natakot ako na baka pilitin niya rin ako gaya ng ginawa ni Nick. Natakot ako sa sakit at matinding panliliit na muli kong mararamdaman kung hinayaan ko siya. I would never have anal sex again. Not that disgusting thing again. Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko bago huminga nang malalim. Kinalma ko ang aking sarili nang unti-unting bumabalik sa alaala ko ang mga ginawa sa a

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-21

The Overdue Confrontation

HAWAK nang mahigpit ni Mama ang kamay ko nang pumasok kami sa loob ng bahay. The nostalgic feeling invaded my system as I walked through the familiar stone pathway towards the front door of our house. Nakapalibot sa bahay namin ang iba't ibang halaman na inaalagaan ni Mama. "Woah, may mga roses ka nang tanim, Ma?" tanong ko bago kami tuluyang pumasok sa front door. Napako ang tingin ko sa isang paso ng rosas sa gilid ng mismong pinto namin. My mother giggled before she looked at me with so much appreciation. "That was the plant you gave me as a gift four years ago, Ava." Natigilan ako sa sinabi ni Mama at napaawang ang bibig ko. I looked back to the red roses and stared in awe. Sobrang tingkad ng kulay pula ng mga bulaklak nito at saka halatang naalagaan talaga nang maayos. Naalala ko ang tinutukoy niya. Nick suggested to me the idea to give my mother a plant as a gift for her birthday. Nakakabaliw lang na matapos ang isang taon, magugulo at masisira ang pamilya namin dahil sa ka

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-22

When You Love... Don't Consume Yourself

"OKAY ka lang ba, Ava?"I forced a smile at Cora before I nodded. Halatang hindi siya naniwala sa sinabi ko pero hindi na niya ipinilit pa.Nagpatuloy siya sa mga ikinukwfvvento niya sa amin nila Ven at Xie tungkol sa nalalapit na kasal nila Joven at Zach. Masaya ang dalawang kaibigan ko at kitang-kita ko kung gaano sila ka-excited sa darating na Biyernes— ang araw ng kasal nilang dalawa. That is exactly two days from now.Habang ako, parang pinupukpok ng martilyo ang puso dahil sa matinding sakit. Cora told us that Joven and Zach were both busy for the final touches of their wedding and for the rehearsals. Hindi ako naka-attend ng rehearsals kahapon dahil hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang makita si Zach kasama si Joven.Unti-unti akong binabalot ng sakit at konsensya. After going to my nephew's death anniversary, there were realizations that kept me up all night for the past few days. Doubts and conscience started taking over me.It didn't help that I haven't heard from Zach since Frida

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-23

Patch Your Broken Wings

"R-RUPERT."Kaagad akong napapikit muli dahil sa pagkahilo na naramdaman ko. It took me a couple of seconds before I opened my eyes again.My gaze was greeted by white ceiling before I averted my eyes to Rupert.Rupert was standing beside the bed where I was lying. He got this concerned expression on his face as I felt him held my hand. The warmth coming from his hand calmed me."Do you want water?"Tumango ako. Nanunuyo ang aking lalamunan at medyo nahihilo pa rin ako.Rupert gets the glass of water on the table beside me and assisted me from drinking to it. Nang madaluyan ng tubig ang lalamunan ko, mas guminhawa ang nararamdaman ko."N-Nasaan ako, Rupert?" Inalalayan ako ni Rupert na makaupo. Nilagyan niya pa 'yung unan sa likod ko para masandalan ko.Rupert pulled a mono-bloc chair and sat on it. He crossed his arms over his chest before he heaved a deep sigh. "Nawalan ka ng malay kanina. Hindi mo ba naalala?"Napaawang ang bibig ko bago unti-unting bumalik sa akin ang mga alaala b

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-25

Standing by the Ledge

WHEN I love Zach and decided to stay with him even though he's dating Joven back then— I got no problem about holding on to our relationship and waiting for him to come with me when he got a chance.Ayos lang sa akin ang lahat basta nandiyan si Zach. Basta sinasagot niya ako sa tuwing magsasabi ako ng 'I love you' sa kaniya— hangga't sinasabi niyang mas mahal niya ako kaysa kay Joven.I was selfish.Again.If someone would ask me the 'why' of my decision in staying with Zach as his other woman— silly as it may sound— but I only got one answer: Nagmahal lang ako.Yes. Love can be this addicting and cruel. When others were saying 'All is fair in love and war' — I know for a fact that love would never be fair. There were people who would have love easier and happier while there are people, like me, who would have it in the messed up way.It's nice to fall in love not until you have to face the reality that your love wouldn't be able to sail because it was wrong.My love for Zach was wron

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-25

The Way the Mistress Will End This

THERE'S an art in letting go— it could be the art of selflessly loving someone; or the art of compromising; or the art of making a decision for universal gain. In short letting go in relationships is a very altruistic deed that a sinner like me couldn't do. But then again, I guess it also true that repentance comes to all kinds of people. No matter how big and worst your sin was, there would be a time that reality would smack you hard on your head and make you realize how wrong you were and how much damage you inflicted to the people around you. Repentance may come earlier before sins you did harvest the worst consequences; and repentance may also come too late that you're already paying the price of your sin. I guess, my repentance was the latter. It was too late for me to regret everything because the bad karma was now in front of me, grinning like a criminal and with a sharp knife to stab me. "Dearly beloved, we have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless th

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-26

After the Mistress's Repentance

Zach's P.O.V. *** Decisions. Unless it is for business, I suck on making them. People will say — you know things when you got older. You gain wisdom and become better in decision-making. Sadly. I was living this life for almost three decades and yet decision-making and crossroads were still mysteries for me. I tend to weigh pros and cons in business to come up with an appealing solutions and options— but I figured out that I couldn't do the same thing in real life. Life is too complex to just base your decisions in pros and cons. It's not white or black. It got an endless possibilities and paths to take. As a human, we all strive to live not just to survive. And Ava made me feel how it was like to be alive. That's why I don't understand why I am standing here with Joven... "Are you okay, Honey?" Napabuntong hininga ako nang mag-iwas ng tingin sa akin si Ava. Ibinalik ko ang aking tingin kay Joven. "Yeah. I'm okay," I answered, holding her hand firmly to stop myself from runn

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-27

Moving Forward...

"Wupewt!" "Eba!" Nanlaki ang mga mata ng batang babae sa itinawag sa kaniya ng kaibigan. "Hindi nga Eba ang pangalan ko!" Malalaki ang bawat hakbang na nilapitan niya ang batang lalaki na nakaupo sa swing. Bakas sa nakabusangot niyang mukha ang inis dahil sa maling pagtawag sa kaniyang pangalan ng kaibigan. "Mali rin naman 'yung tawag mo sa akin a!" ingos ng batang lalaki bago nginisian ang kalalapit lang na kaibigan. "Dapat kasi masabi mo muna 'yung pangalan ko nang— Aw!" Humagikgik ang batang babae dahil sa pagdaing ng kaibigan matapos niya 'tong sipain sa paa. Naupo siya sa katabing swing bago tinanggal ang pagkakatali ng hanggang baywang niyang buhok. Nagpunas pa siya ng pawis dahil sa buong maghapong paglalaro ng habulan sa mga kalaro niya. "Grabe! Ang sakit no'n, Eba!" "Hindi nga 'yan ang pangalan ko! Sisipain ulit kita Wupewt!" "Hindi rin Wupewt ang pangalan ko!" Masama ang tingin nila sa isa't isa at naubos ang ilang segundo sa pagtitigan na 'yon bago nagbuntong hining

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-27

Special Chapter 1: Devastation

LUCIA'S P.O.V. (Ava's mother) ••• "Ma, proud ka ba sa akin?" Natigilan ako sa paghaplos sa buhok ni Ava dahil sa tanong niyang iyon. Nakaupo ako sa kama niya habang ginawa niyang unan ang kandungan ko. Napatitig ako sa kaniya dahil sa tanong na 'yon. Nanatili naman siyang nakapikit habang mahigpit ang hawak sa kaliwa kong kamay na nasa ibabaw ng dibdib niya. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na itinanong sa akin 'to ng anak ko. Madalas kasi, hindi talaga siya nagkukwento sa akin hindi katulad ng ate niya. "Oo naman. Proud ako sa 'yo. Proud ako sa inyong magkakapatid," sabi ko bago hinalikan ang noo niya. Unti-unting dumilat ang mga mata niya at nagtagpo ang mga tingin namin. "Ava? May problema ba?" Pero umiling lang siya bago pinilit na ngumiti kahit na ba nanggigilid sa mga mata niya ang luha. Bilang ina, alam ko kung may mali o may problema ang anak ko. Nararamdaman ko 'yon. Kahit itanggi pa ni Ava, alam kong may dinadamdam siya at nararamdaman kong mabigat 'yon. "Alam mo namang p

Huling Na-update : 2022-07-28

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