I went straight to Austin’s liquor cabinet. I didn’t have the patience to take the few steps and reach the bedroom where I had my stash under the bed. I chugged from the bottle of bourbon. It made my head swirl but it felt good. I took the bottle and sat down on the couch. I drank and drank until I couldn’t picture Austin and Hailey anymore. They might be deep in conversation right now. He must be consulting with her. She could be giving him advice. Most probably, that’s why he hired her in the first place. Her words have value to him. She’s important to him, that much is true.Well, isn’t that just perfect? She’s smart and pretty, the perfect attorney. She’s the perfect match for him. That’s for sure. I wanna go there. My head pops up from the couch cushions. I want to check what they’re doing. Maybe they’re sitting close, just like Austin and I when we were coming up with a plan against his plan in that hotel. Perhaps, too much like that?I remember all the sex we had when we wer

One step forward, two steps back. The story of my life. As soon as I got in the car, Ronnie stepped on the gas. “Whoa, are we in a rush or something?” I asked, alarmed at the unusual way he was driving. He was in a hurry and it was unnerving. “Ma’am, the boss was looking for you. Have you, uhm… did you check your phone, ma’am?” he said worriedly. I grabbed my phone. All sense of calm and relaxation from the session gone in a snap of a finger. I checked the numerous missed phone calls and text messages. A dozen of them. I clicked on the first one, sent a few minutes right after I left the building. Where are you? Hailey has news. We need to discuss things. The next message was half an hour after the first. I’m serious, where are you Olivia? I checked the penthouse.The series of phone calls followed then. It was clear he was getting more and more agitated. For god’s sake, how many more times do I need to make myself clear? Don’t just leave without at least sending me a message.

I’m ravenous. Whenever I would see him, this intense craving would well up in me and more often than not, it would drive me literally ravishing the man. It’s insane and unhealthy, but I couldn’t stop myself. Neither did he. Sometimes, I’d reason with myself that it has been such a long time that we haven’t been intimate so we’re just making up for the lost time. Or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself. Because the little creases on his forehead when I’m particularly randy have been showing up a lot lately. “Morning, Mr. Cane,” I sing-songed as he grumpily entered his office. He gave me a stern look and I smirked. The side of his mouth lifted. I went about my morning. We’re at a stalemate. This temporary truce is just that, a truce. Nothing more. I feel the itch to reach out for a bottle or my pills all the goddamn time. More often than not, I give in. The moments wherein I have a smidgeon of control left, I use it to distract myself. With work. But mostly with the body of

The shame I felt as I sneaked out of the penthouse was palpable. It crawled into my skin, creeping up to my face. I’m a grown woman who can’t get ahold of her urges. How pathetic is that?If I’m going to let go of everything, I need a plan. I can’t feel anything anymore. The craving for booze and pills waned but my sexual appetite reached another level. A scary one because I only felt that. Other than lust, carnal and primal at its core, I felt nothing else. I need to feel something else. Something better.I need to fix myself. I don’t want to use Austin like that. Not anymore. We enjoyed it, oh god we did. But enough is enough. I respect the man and I don’t want to just use his body. Our relationship is worth more than that. His face this morning was the thing that propelled me to get up. There’s nothing more motivating than self-loathing. The shame, the complete humiliation of watching his gorgeous face as he realized I’d hit rock bottom, that’s something else. It made me get

‘Sweetheart’, the term made my skin crawl. I never knew such a word could make me want to vomit that much. Or was it just the pills he shoved down my throat? I have no idea at this point. Does it matter? I’m in deep shit. There’s no other description of the situation. I watched him as he tried to hide his triumphant smug grin. “Please…” I pleaded. “Please, what? Let you go?” he shrugged. “Can’t do that.” “Matthew…” “Hmm… I really… really like that,” he confessed. “I just love hearing it from you. Makes me so excited, you know?” I closed my eyes. Everything was spinning. I scrunched them, maybe if I will this whole thing to go away… “Look at me,” he said menacingly. “Just… don’t go away. You like to not be here, I’m fed up with that. Stay here with me, okay?” “Where do I go?” I prodded. Anything to keep him talking. He might not do anything bad if we just talk. Fat chance of that happening but I can try, can’t I? I have no other choice. “Your past. You always go back,” he sa