He Doesn't Have Her

Dread continues to swallow me whole while I was just there, lying on my bed, inhaling the sweet-minty smell and taking in all that's left of my room and trying my best not to cry.

I was already over the fact that my parents are now divorced. What I can't move on with, is that I'm leaving. Leaving the town where I grew up and spent most of my life, leaving my friends who I practically grew up with.

Leaving what I value the most; memories.

I thought that my dad will be the one leaving but apparently life hates me so much that it made me the one leave the place on earth I love the most.

I don't want to leave. But I don't wanna stay with him either.

There's a part of me that wants neither of them, all I want is to be alone, but even I know I can't handle that.

Even though it pains me to do so, I agreed to go with my mother, to her hometown. Going out of my comfort zone is the last thing I wanna do. I don't want to adjust and make new friends. I'm happy with my friends here. I don't want to experience the awkwardness of getting lost and going to the wrong class and having to sit and eat alone at lunch. I would rather not eat at all.

And other than that, I'm scared.

I'm scared that people won't want to know me, and that I might just end up being alone. All kinds of insecurities start to rush in and my stomach starts to churn I wanted to scream my guts out.

I hear a slight knock on my door and I didn't bother to get up or say anything. She knows that I'm still sulking.

"Mel?" My mom asks as she enters my room.

"Here." I say, sounding dull than ever.

"All our stuff is already in the truck, ready to leave."

"Okay." I answer, still not getting up and I hear her sigh.

"Your father will be here in thirty minutes." She says and that almost made me jump out of bed and leave right away. Almost.

I sit up and then looked at her. She looks back at me and sits on my bed.

"It's fine if you don't want to go with me." She says and I scowl at the idea.

"I want to go with you" I insist.

"I just don't want to leave my friends and the memories I have here." I add.

"You know, you can always leave and go back." She starts to say and I looked at her. I know there is more she's going to say so I remained silent.

"Your friends? They will remember you, and I know you will also remember them. The memories that you are afraid to leave behind, you can still take them with you and make new ones."

"I know it will be hard, but that's the whole point in life. To make memories or mistakes, learn from them, make new ones, and the cycle continues."

"I'm not forcing you to come with me. You can stay here with your friends and still go to the same school." She finishes.

I thought about the things she just said. And I know my answer.

"I'm going."

I followed my mom down the stairs and I take one last look around the house.

My house.

I turned to look at the kitchen, where I always used to run around and my dad would chase me just to get me to eat my vegetables and then bribe me with strawberries afterwards. The couch in the living room, where I always used to spend almost my entire Friday nights binge watching Netflix TV shows and stress eating. That spacious corner under the stairs, where I used to hide as a kid when my parents would fight.

I had so many memories here.

Good and bad ones.

But even though it hurts to go, deep down, I still want to.

I snap out of my thoughts and followed my mom, who is already outside the house, took one last glance and closed the door.

I'm done sulking. There is nothing I can do. I already accepted the fact that I'm leaving and won't be going back anytime soon, that I will be new to a town, and its people.

I told myself to sleep it off, but I wasn't even tired of sulking, and I wasn't able to sleep in the car at all. Knowing I won't be sleeping anytime soon, I decided to put on my earphones and played my travel playlist. I looked out the window as we start to enter the town, but quickly looked away when I realized we'll be passing the town's high school.

I'm not ready for that yet.

I get out of the car after my mom, and I took a deep breath of the finally fresh air. I follow her to the door as I see her get the house keys, she opens it and I follow her inside and I didn't bother to look around.

"Your room is upstairs, turn right, and second one on the left." She says as if she was reading my mind.

I followed her instructions and ended up in front of a dark brown wooden door. I open it and a wet-cardboard smell immediately hits my nose.

Ew.

I quickly walk to the windows and opened them to let in some fresh air, and to at least get the bad smells out. I'm going shopping tomorrow.

I'm not planning to sleep on an air mattress my whole stay here.

Or dealing with a wet-cardboard smell until my nose bleeds.

Frustrated with my 'new room', I decided to go downstairs, to the kitchen, since it's the only place in this house that has decent furniture. Or that only has furniture for that matter.

I pulled out my To Do List notebook from my small backpack that I always carry around with me. I wrote down the things I know that I will be doing tomorrow and did my shopping list afterwards. I have been this way since I was a kid. When things go out of my control and my plans are ruined, it is simply frustrating for me.

My stomach then, starts to slightly ache exactly when I finished my lists.

I need food.

Now.

I looked up the nearest McDonald's, grabbed my mom's car keys and my wallet.

One thing that I like about this town so far is that somehow, I feel safe here even though I just moved.

I used to walk the streets at night with my friends, and then grab some coffee, but it's all new to me.

Something tells me that I now have to walk the streets at night alone.

I feel someone come up behind me and panic goes up my spine. I start to quick up my pace and realized something.

I don't know where I am.

Clearly, walking the streets at night is a bad idea.