Where The Clouds Are

A cloudy day it is here in Tórshavn, well it's always been like this since we came here. Cloudy and gloomy.

I scrunched my nose while lying comfortably on our couch, thinking what to do. I'm actually getting bored because there's no new book to read.

Maybe it's time to explore this town, and look for a bookshop.

Me and my mom has been into twelve different town of different countries since I was just five. According to her, different places take you beyond the barriers of your imagination.

And those are the words I live by.

Karen, my mom is a painter, she is very cool and fun to be with. I can open freely everything to her. She's the best friend I ever had. We almost do everything, together.

Roger, my dad, he now lives in Switzerland with his family number two. Mom and dad got divorced when I was four, and trust me it's not that easy growing up not being with your parents at the same time. But the best thing now is that they're  friends, and has no hard feelings with each other.

I stood up from the sofa, and went directly in my room. I changed my red PJs into denim pants and wore a white knitted sweater. I also grabbed the gloves and bonnet on my bed.

It is winter season here in Tórshavn, based on my research, even though it's not winter season in here, the climate and weather is always sunless and somehow...cheerless.

I went downstairs and checked myself in the mirror.

Well, what's new in my look for today?

I've always looked like this: thin, pale and fragile. What can I say, I've got a couple more years to live, there's no room for glow-ups.

Okay, let me make this clear.

I was nine years old when the doctors found out that there's an abnormal growth in my heart. We all couldn't believe it, but there's only one result from the diagnosis of the other doctors: heart cancer.

They've said that they found a tumor on the upper left chamber of my heart, and it is malignant.

Also, according to the experts, it is a very rare disease. But still, I'm one of them who got it.

I know, lucky me, right?

We all thought that removing the tumor will save me, but we thought wrong; the tumor had already spread all over my heart.

Last year, when we moved in Brazil, my mom had me confined in one of the hospital there. And the doctor said that I only have couple more years to live.

But... there's a big chance that I could be saved, if there will be a heart donor.

That gave me false hope, who would give someone's heart in that instant, right?

At first, it was a real revelation to me that I'll be no longer with my mom for a long time, but as days go by, I learned to accept it and just ignore this fear inside me.

I decided to stop all the treatments, including the chemotherapy. Of course, the fact that this won't do me well anymore, it was also very expensive.

But I'm still taking some meds, and my mother insists me to take it every single time.

I don't feel bad now that my life will be taken away from me, actually, there's happiness inside me. At least I had an experience on how to be human on this planet.

It's really all about acceptance.

My mom and I decided to have a deal; she'll treat me like I am just a normal child with a normal life.

I walked towards the backdoor and saw her outside, painting the beautiful scenery of Vagsbotnur. We just live by the side of the ocean.

It was indeed beautiful. The clouds and the blue ocean complemented each other's beauty.

She look and smiled at me.

"Hey sweetie, going somewhere?" She singsonged, before continuing her work.

"Uhm. Yes. I am out of books to read, and will look for a bookshop near our place." I wore my gloves and bonnet. It's really freezing out here.

"Ah, there's a bookshop near that School of Performing Arts." Hearing the word school makes me want to go in there, no, not just to go in, but to be part of it.

"Maybe you want to take a look of that school, too." Karen looked at me, and I know, there's something in that look.

"Why, what do you mean?" I am smiling from ear to ear. She stood up and faced me.

"Maybe you want to go to school, I mean not just go, but to be part of it." Oh my freakin' god! Is this for real?!

I feel like I am about to cry, and I promise myself that if I would cry, it will not be in front of her.

"Oh sweetie, don't cry. I only want your happiness." Karen told me soothingly. Without any words, I hugged her, as if it's my last hug on her.

"Thanks, mom. I love you so much." She caressed my back.

"Oh, I love you more, Alayna." She wiped off the tears falling down to my face.  "Now go on, before it gets dark." I giggled, feeling excited about everything.

"Bye, mom." I said before leaving her.

___________

I took a bus to get on that bookshop, and boy, it was amazing that the bus fare was free.

"Is this going to be forever?" I asked the conductor, who is a curvy woman, light skin tone, and has a curly blonde hair.

She laughed amusingly. "Well honeybee, as long as our kind and generous Mayor, continue to help his subjects, then it's gonna be forever."

"Cool." I whispered to myself.

"Schrøtersgøta. Here's your stop, young lady." She told me in her Danish accent. When I got off the bus, I smelled bread and water, and I felt that ocean breeze passing through my face.

How I would love to spend my remaining years in this place.

I started walking, then I noticed that houses here were similar with each other: triangular roof, made of woods, and has the color combination of brown, white and bluish grey.

This town gave me a retro vibe. Very 80's.

I looked for the bookshop that I need to go to, but unfortunately, I'm now on the 3rd street and still no sign of books. Am I getting lost? 

I think so...