Hurt Me Again.

You would think after three years of marriage we would be growing stronger and our love would be flourishing like we predicted it would, but instead, it's quite the opposite.

Walking away from him into our house from that dreadful party he dragged me to, I unzip my dress pulling down the straps and letting it pool down my feet. Kicking off my heels and ignoring his calls for me to stop.

Walking upstairs to our room, I took off my undergarments letting them leave a trail behind me, normally I wouldn't make such a mess but I am just tired of everything.

Entering the bathroom, I took a shower trying to show him how much I'm not interested in his whining. As the hot water cascaded on my brown skin, I let my tears be one with the water, I couldn't hold on anymore. 

I couldn't pretend that I'm okay with everything, turn a blind eye to everything he does for the sake of keeping our marriage together, to make sure that our vows live just like we promised each other, it wasn't worth it anymore...none of it was.

After taking my shower, I dried my hair with a towel and wore one of his shirts, they didn't feel the same anymore, neither did this huge house that he always left me in alone, everything was different and he made it that way.

"Robyn, please just sign the papers!" I looked at the man whom I call my husband, a man that I have loved dearly and still love so much. 

Staring into his hazel eyes with specks of gold that used to look at me with so much love, but now are just staring at me with dislike and impatience.

His brown hair that I tugged at so many times, ran my fingers through as he would lay on my chest telling me about the plans he has for our future.

His full lips that have kissed me and whispered sweet nothings into my ears, or how the would pull up into a smile as soon as he saw me, looking at them now they hold a frown for me.

"That was her wasn't it?" I whispered into the room that was supposed to be our room, a place where I felt safe with him but now it was just cold and uncomfortable.

"Robyn, you were drinking again," he said and I rolled my eyes, of course, he would definitely try to use that. 

"Don't try to pin this on me, Bellamy, that was her right?" I pressed on.

"Robyn," he sighed and I knew right then and there he was going to shift the blame on me as if it's my fault he left our home and went out there to cheat on me.

My fault that I've done nothing but shower him with love and be faithful, change myself for him so he could be happy and fit in with the others, break my morals, forgot who I am all because of him. My fault...

"For once Bellamy, please just tell me the truth. It's all I ask from you," I walked closer to him and he took a step back like I was some kind of disease, did he not crave for my touch like he used to? Did he not want to be near me anymore?

Biting my lip to stop the tears that were threatening to fall I looked at him, waiting for him to talk but all he did was look at me.

"What did I ever do wrong, what happened to us?" I whispered finally allowing a tear to fall from my eye, wanting him to see how he has broken me, wanting him to fix me because he loves me, "Don't you love me anymore Bellamy?"

"Geez Robyn! Can we not do this now?" 

"Why can't you be a man for once and tell me what's wrong! Tell me who she is! Tell me what happened between us!" I screamed throwing the towel on the floor as my tears poured down my face.

"I just don't want you anymore!" He screamed and I felt defeated, my arms fell limp by my side and I looked away not wanting to stare into his eyes. This is not the guy I fell in love with. "Robyn, this hasn't been working for quite some time and you've seen it too-"

"It hasn't been working because you haven't been trying! You made our marriage fail the minute you walked out that door and cheated on me with her, why would you do that to me, to us? I-" taking a deep breath in, I sat down on the floor pulling at my wet hair rocking my body trying to keep control of my sanity.

"Honestly Robyn you're an insane woman, all you ever did was too much for me. You never allowed me some space to breathe, I'm a fucking man for crying out loud!" 

Laughing I rocked my body, slowly raising my head to look at him I laughed harder shaking my head, "A fucking man you say?" I could feel fresh tears fall out of my eyes, and this time not because I'm crying but because I'm laughing at the madness I'm hearing from him, he says he's a man!

"Bellamy, a man wouldn't leave his wife because he found a plaything that livens him up for the moment. A man would appreciate the woman he married because she had the fucking guts and love to settle down with someone like you, handle all of your shit and still wake up next to you. After all, she's yours," I poked at his hard chest.

"A man knows a woman's worth and makes sure he multiplies it! But you are no man, you're a boy. That's why you are still running after loose skirts," I pushed him out of my way and headed to my side of the bed preparing for sleep. 

Getting in underneath the covers I looked at him as he stood there, his back facing me. 

"Robyn, I love her," he said the words I never wanted to hear from him, closing my eyes and allowing another fresh set of tears to flow, I replayed all the memories of us together in my head. 

"You loved me too," I whispered more to myself than him.

"But I love her more now, I am in love with her Robyn. Please just sign the papers and let me go," wiping my tears I finally gave in, there's nothing to hold onto here anymore and he's making it clear.

"If you believe she's worth all the pain you're causing for us then I'll do it, I'll sign the papers."

I could feel myself break with every word I said, breaking myself for him again. Putting myself in second place for him again. Hurting myself for him again, it's always again and again and again with him, but I would still do it all over again because I love him.

He sighed a breath of relief and packed a duffle bag, I watched as he packed clothes for an entire week indirectly telling me he's going over to her house. 

Once he was done he looked at me as I stared at his every move, nodding he walked over to the door but stopped when I called him.

"Yes, Robyn?"

"I love you," he didn't respond, he simply closed the door and left me alone to cry myself to sleep.

It's really over.