Who Writes The Best Short Funny Quotes About Life?

My mom was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Her life is smooth-sailing most of the time. The only mistake she's ever made is falling for my dad. That's why she insists on finding me a husband who's the complete opposite of my dad. My dad is tall and intimidating-looking, so Mom wants someone who's short and perverted-looking. My dad is a knowledgeable and well-read man, so Mom wants a guy who has only graduated from elementary school. My dad prioritizes his moral integrity more than anything else, so Mom prefers a guy who drinks, gambles, and sleeps around. She tells me, "This type of man is easy to manipulate, unlike your father, who just divorced me out of nowhere!" It's true that the man Mom has chosen for me won't divorce me. After all, he leeches from me on top of beating me up. It's not enough to leech my money from me, it seems—he just has to take everything from me. My mom says in a righteous tone, "This is the only way that proves you're valuable to him. He won't divorce you at all." I've fought back and escaped from my husband many times. Every time I do, my mom will trick me into returning to him by hurting herself. As always, I'm greeted with another round of beating whenever I do return to him. Mom will take me to the hospital to get my injuries treated. Then, she'll say, "Hurry up and give birth to a son for him. Once you have a son, you'll be extremely valuable to your husband. He won't beat you up anymore." Today is supposed to be the day Mom takes me to the hospital to check my ovulation timing. She spends a long time calling me on the phone, yet I never pick up. After that, she sends me a few audio messages that last for 60 seconds each just to lecture me. "Beatrice Anderson, what makes you think you can just ignore my calls? The hospital check-up is for your own good! As long as you can get pregnant with a son, your husband will be wrapped around your finger! He won't divorce you after this! Why can't you understand how much I care for you?" I seriously can't understand at all. After all, I've gotten beaten to death yesterday. My corpse is cut into 28 chunks, and they are being frozen in the fridge as I speak.

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

Having feelings for my best friend’s dad was bad. But what the fuck do we call having feelings for three of them? Especially when those three men aren’t just my dad’s best friends, they’re also my best friends’ dads. They were the last people that should turn me on. But they were the only ones who could give me earth-shaking orgasms. Some cravings are so wrong they should stay locked in your head forever. Like secretly dripping for the three powerful men who helped raise you. Like imagining them stretching every hole while your dad is thousands of miles away. Like begging “Daddy” from three different mouths at the same time. But I didn't just imagined mine, I lived it and loved it. Content Warnings: 18+ Explicit Content – Reader Discretion Strongly Advised. DADDY’S BEST FRIENDS is a filthy short erotica collection where the rules get destroyed and the pleasure gets nasty. It's raw, no-holds-barred stories of forbidden lust, age-gap sin, and dominant older men who know exactly how to ruin a younger woman the right way. These aren’t love stories. These are the dirty fantasies you touch yourself to when no one’s watching. You’re not supposed to want this. That’s exactly why it feels so fucking good.

Book 1: At 32 Alpha David finally finds his mate: unfortunately, in a human female, Ariadne. She is completely oblivious to their mate bond and worst of all she is married with three children. Even though he tries to speak to her and find a solution she always refuses to listen. So, David triggered by a scene he witnessed, kidnaps her. On their way back to his territory a terrible accident happens which causes Ariadne to lose her memory. Ariadne struggles so much with the new reality and the emotions she has for David. The attraction she feels for him is so strong that can't be avoided. Will she embrace the unique bond they share or her strong instincts will lead her to walk away from him? ~ Book 2 (16 years after the end of book 1): When her son's wolf appears, Ariadne is forced to return to her once-rejected mate, Alpha David, in order to help him with his first transformation. Despite her hidden emotions, will she give in to their past love, or will she turn her back and leave him once again? Alpha David Nathaniel Fortner is convinced that he will spend his whole life alone after his mate has walked away from him. He had caused her so much pain by taking her from her family, so the self-prison he had gotten himself into was quite enough of a punishment for the rest of his life. But the little spark of hope ignites again when his mate Ariadne returns with their son—a secret heir that he knew nothing about. With their bond flaring back into life and a powerful descendant who is rooting for them, will he now fight for his redemption and the way back to his Luna’s heart, or will he let her go one more time?

Jada prayed and asked God to provide a miracle that would be a solution to her family’s problems. They had always been poor, but this was the worst situation they had ever been in. Her father had to be taken to the hospital two weeks ago, and she had become the sole provider for their home. Marilou had given them what money she had that she could to help, but she wasn’t exactly rolling in money herself. The young girl had a huge responsibility placed upon her shoulders, but she was determined not to lose their home or have the children sent to foster care. She had been waiting tables and using her tips to buy gas and groceries, but it was barely enough most days. Her paycheck had not been enough to pay all the bills since her father had let them get so far behind. Mrs. DeRoya cleared her throat, signaling that she would answer the girl. “Miss Pence, I only had one child, my son Brayden here. My husband was also an only child. So, unless Brayden produces an heir, our bloodline here in the United States is lost. What we need is a surrogate to carry the child. If you sign the contract, when the child is born you will receive one million dollars to take your siblings and go have a good life,” she said, staring at her without emotion.

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?