Well, the search for Benrey and Gordon angst can lead you down some fascinating internet rabbit holes, since that pairing thrives in more niche, community-focused spaces rather than massive centralized archives. A significant hub is Archive of Our Own (AO3). The 'Half-Life: But The AI Is Self-Aware' fandom tag there is where you'll find the core of the content. Writers on AO3 are meticulous with tags, so filtering for 'Benrey/Gordon Freeman', adding 'Angst', and maybe 'Emotional Hurt/Comfort' or 'Post-Canon' will yield a concentrated batch of exactly what you're craving. The quality of writing there tends to be very high, with authors really digging into the psychological aftermath of the game's events.
Another vital spot, though it requires a bit more digging, is Tumblr. A lot of fic writers in this fandom use it as a primary posting platform or a companion for snippets and threads. Searching tags like '#hlbai', '#benrey', and '#gordon freeman' often leads to directly posted stories or links to Google Docs. The community feel is strong there, and you might find more experimental, character-study-focused pieces that lean hard into the angst of Benrey's ambiguous nature and Gordon's frayed sanity. It feels a bit like being in a shared, chaotic workshop.
Don't overlook dedicated Discord servers either. Many fan artists and writers create invite-only or fan-run servers where they share WIPs and completed fics that never make it to a public archive. Finding these usually means engaging with the community on the other platforms first. The angst in these spaces can get incredibly specific and raw, often playing with themes of identity, loss, and the bizarre trauma-bond forged through that particular game. Honestly, the journey to find the really gut-punching stories is part of the experience, following reblogs and recommendations from one creator to another.