Best Your Mom Jokes

For three agonizing years, my mother struggled with kidney failure. Finally, after all the waiting and the constant dialysis, she was next in line for a transplant. Hope seemed so close. But then, my husband, Zachary Levi, an esteemed nephrology professor, did the unforgivable. He surreptitiously gave his lover's mother the kidney that was intended for my mother. He said almost dismissively, "Ella's mother couldn't wait any longer. Your mother's been on dialysis for so long, she's not going to die anytime soon." Later, my mother passed away. I called Zachary one final time. Yet, it was a woman who answered. "Margaret, right? Zachary's in the shower. Is there something you need?" I stared at my mother's smile on the gravestone, and an overwhelming emptiness spread through me. "It's nothing. Just wanted to talk about the divorce."

"Arch your back Arielle, let me see that fresh little pussy of yours" Aiden groaned beneath my legs, while Ryan chuckled in my ears, biting and teasing my earlobes, "Show us that fresh little pussy, Ari" And I did, I arched my back, baring myself in the presence of my two Alpha mates. *** I was secretly in love with my best friend, Aiden. But it was impossible, we were forbidden. He's the Alpha prince and would soon find his mate. And me, I'm a lowly omega. My parents are workers for the Alpha. And I was no match for Lauren. The school's queen bee who was obsessed with Aiden. She was everything I wasn't. Nor was I a match for Ariana, my twin sister who Aiden seemed to have a liking for. I would kill my feelings for him and get over him, moreover I needed to find a mate soon. Once the bond happens, I would lose every feelings I had for my best friend. That was what I thought till we found out we were each other's mates. And not just his mate, his's too. My other best friend, Ryan. I was his mate too. And then I found out I wasn't no ordinary wolf. An ordinary Omega torn between two Alpha Mates.

Jada prayed and asked God to provide a miracle that would be a solution to her family’s problems. They had always been poor, but this was the worst situation they had ever been in. Her father had to be taken to the hospital two weeks ago, and she had become the sole provider for their home. Marilou had given them what money she had that she could to help, but she wasn’t exactly rolling in money herself. The young girl had a huge responsibility placed upon her shoulders, but she was determined not to lose their home or have the children sent to foster care. She had been waiting tables and using her tips to buy gas and groceries, but it was barely enough most days. Her paycheck had not been enough to pay all the bills since her father had let them get so far behind. Mrs. DeRoya cleared her throat, signaling that she would answer the girl. “Miss Pence, I only had one child, my son Brayden here. My husband was also an only child. So, unless Brayden produces an heir, our bloodline here in the United States is lost. What we need is a surrogate to carry the child. If you sign the contract, when the child is born you will receive one million dollars to take your siblings and go have a good life,” she said, staring at her without emotion.

My mother said I was a born beauty and was able to charm any man. She told me not to touch a man before my twentieth birthday. In the previous timeline, I listened to her, so when a wealthy heir was dosed with an aphrodisiac, I pushed him away when he tried to take me into his embrace. But the effects of the skincare routine I did transferred to my mother after my twentieth birthday. I used face masks, but my face became wrinkled and spotted. Meanwhile, my mother glowed with smooth and youthful skin. I danced, but I only became fatter while my mother became slim. Seeing how I looked like a fifty-year-old woman, my father called me a useless piece of trash and wanted to marry me off to a bald man as his second wife. I cried and begged my mother for help. But she said this was for my own good, her twenty-something face a mask of hypocrisy. I was forced to run away from home, but doing so only sped up my aging. Three days later, I died on the streets right by a trash heap. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself back in time to the night I met that rich heir. This time, I did not push him away but straddled him in bed.

Mumbai. The city of dreams. Shining bright with impressive skyscrapers, glamorous filmstars, and glittering malls. Standing tall on the shimmering coast of the Arabian Sea. Everywhere Sun hits here, this city dazzles. But beneath this warm dazzle, there is another Mumbai. The cold Mumbai. The dark Mumbai. The stronghold of the mafia. Where narrow alleys are splattered with gun-powder and blood. Where lives are discarded like tissue papers. Where an obscene amount of money circulates unaudited. And since years now, this formidable underworld is under Lala Amarnath Vaghela's thumb. The powerful mafia kingpin who started his ascent from the slums of Dharavi years back, today he controls most of the Indian subcontinent's illegal dealings and organized crime with an iron fist. But not without help. Kunal Ranjan Vaghela. Lalaji's grandson and his heir apparent. Apple of his grandfather's eyes, he is calculative, sly, and cold-blooded. Samar Jagtap. Lalaji's ruthless and cunning protege. Indispensable, he is as unapologetic as they come in this business. Everything is working smoothly in Lalaji's world. Like a well-oiled machine. Or is it? Because apart from sharing Lalaji's trust, apparently these two capable young men also share an undisguised hatred for each other. Not above playing dirty in this high-stakes arena, both are merely bidding their time to tear one another down. But no matter who emerges the winner out of the two, there is someone who will only lose. A torn heart that refuses to take sides. A girl who dared to love them both. Stubborn and loyal-to-a-fault Maahi. Full name Maahi Ranjan Vaghela. Kunal Vaghela's beloved baby sister. And the beautiful confusion of Samar Jagtap's life.

"Let's be clear. While I stay here, no kissing, no hugging," Aiden Anderson said without breaking his gaze at Jessamine, his best friend since third grade. "You're my best friend... You're like a sister to me and my only family. I don't want to be reckless and lose you in the end." "I was only teasing you, Aiden. I'm not losing you as well. You're the only man I trust besides my father," Jessamine assured him. Jessamine turned her back on him, fighting the tears, unsure why her heart was disappointed. A part of her brain said she would rather die with heartache than admit to him that she wished there was more to their friendship, but her heart screamed something else. She wanted to be reckless with him and gave her heart the freedom to love him more than best friend, but how could she admit to him she loved him when Aiden assured her he would disappear from her forever if they crossed the boundary of their friendship?

Hera Jace Salviano belongs to the Salviano Family, one of the biggest and notorious Italian Mafia. Hera has an older brother name Cloud, the oldest heir of their family also the Chairmain-CEO of Valóre Sky Airline. Their family is legally owned cargo ships, travel cruises, and international shipments. They are just a common Mafia Family who has underground businesses and Casino's, Salviano's Family owned a private army. Hera is living a princess-perfect life with her older brother, not until someone makes their company crash. Cloud decides to send her sister back to their mother's country thinking that she will be safe, not knowing that the enemy he's avoiding is right next to his sister. Hera isn't familiar with the country she'll be living in now, but because of the contract that Cloud makes with their most trusted company partner Hacovo's, his sister's life is now easy. She always believes that money can buy happiness that not everyone can afford. She's an arrogant uncommon teenager who loves to collect the eyeballs of her victims. She's a psychotic mafia daughter who fell in love with a problematic suicidal man she met on a 50 feet high bridge after murdering 4 of her new classmates. Does her brother's decision was right? Or it can lead to her most unpredictable death? Does the love she found will be good for her or it can worsen the situation?

Amelia was always the outcast, mocked for her size and ignored by everyone but Dylan Thane, the only light in her dark school life. She fell for him, of course. Who wouldn’t? But her heart shattered when Dylan, her best friend, seemed to fall for the very bully who made her life miserable. Desperate to be seen, Amelia struck a deal with a mysterious old woman for the perfect body. The new Amelia turned heads but not Dylan’s. Because he had always loved her as she was… and had never betrayed her. Now, the true cost of beauty is coming due and it’s more than she bargained for.

On the first day of every month, my mom will give me my allowance based on the number of times I had checked in with her last month. "You'll receive 20 dollars for greeting your parents once in the morning and once in the evening. But last month, you only hit ten days' worth of quota, so you can only receive 200 dollars. This also means your 300-dollar punctuality fee will be deducted as well. "After adding on 150 dollars for your basic necessities, you shall receive only 350 dollars for this month's allowance. Remember to write a reflection report on your lack of punctuality later. I'll only transfer you the money if your report is acceptable." I become so overwhelmed by anxiety that my voice starts trembling. "I was busy with my finals last month, Mom! I had to line up outside the library at 5:00 am every day just so I could secure myself a seat! That's why I couldn't call you in time!" In a choked-up tone, I plead to my mom, "I need 600 dollars for the train ticket all the way home during the holidays! 350 dollars really isn't enough for me! Mom, can you please—" But my mom cuts me off firmly, "The allowance system is something that I've specifically designed for you so that I can help you get rid of the bad habit of wanting to receive everything without putting in hard work! Why can't you just understand that I'm doing this for your own good?" After that, she ends the call mercilessly. Just as I'm filled with despair and helplessness, a blond appears before my eyes. He's willing to buy my train ticket for me, but in return, I need to leave with him.

Mila Alfonzo transferred at Angel Clever University- isang kilalang pribadong eskuwelahan sa siyudad. Ang tanging makakapasok lamang ay ang mga taong matatalino at mayayaman. As a transfer student from rural, hindi naging madali ang lahat sa kaniya. No one wants to befriend her just because of having curly hair and brownish skin. At kung anu-anong klase na rin ng pambu-bully ang ginawa ng mga kaklase niya sa kanya. Sa kabila ng panlalait at pananakit na ginagawa sa kaniya, nagagawa pa rin niyang maging matatag. Pero anong mangyayari kapag makilala niya ang pitong nagguwa-guwapohang lalaki na hinahangaan ng lahat? Magbabago ba ang pakikitungo ng lahat sa kaniya? O mas lalong lumala lang ang sitwasyon niya? Written and Cover Artwork by Li'l Lily