Death Bliss
Going back would mean sitting across from that smile again, and I cannot sit across from that smile again, because if I sit across from that smile again I will sign whatever he puts in front of me and I will tell myself it was for my father and the kitchen and Serafina, and I will be lying.
The payphone outside the station is bolted to a concrete pillar, the receiver scarred with graffiti and the cord kinked in three places. I dig a handful of euro coins from my pocket and feed them into the slot and dial my father's number from memory, the way I have been dialing it since I was old enough to reach the phone, and I listen to it ring six times before he picks up.
"Pronto."
"Papà," I say, and