Novel & Cerita Drowning In My Own Tears

"I-I don't know anymore... The doctor said his condition is worsening. I-I can't bear to lose him... I can't. W-why is this happening to me? W-what did I do wrong? Am I a bad person? I don't want him to forget me, us... but I also don't want to forget him when he's gone... It hurts so much." I am drowning in unbearable pain. A deep, gnawing pain settled in the pit of my stomach, each beat of my heart echoing the helplessness that engulfed me. I tried to stifle my sobs, but they bubbled up uncontrollably, escaping in quiet, desperate gasps. The tears blurred my vision, distorting the room into a hazy mirage of pain. It was as if my very soul was unraveling, each teardrop a testament to the fr

My screams grow louder, filling the silence, as my heart pounds ferociously in my chest. My throat burns from the tears and the raw screams that escape me, and in that moment, I realize I have more tears inside me than words to express my pain. So, I cry. I cry until my eyes feel heavy and no more tears can flow. I’m not just crying for Richie; I’m crying for myself, for my dad, and for every single thing that has been weighing heavily on my heart. Each sob feels like a release, an acknowledgment of the struggles I’ve been facing, and I allow myself to feel every bit of it.

I drop the knife on the counter and make my way to the Bathroom, if I wanted to stay alive to find Derek then I shouldn't do something so stupid like bleeding out on the kitchen floor. After I had filled the bathtub, I lay down in it and push my head downward until my whole body is submerged in the water. I hold my breath for a minute before I get carried away. It true that when you are closer to death, your life flashes before your eyes. I recall everything Derek had written in the letter, word for word, comma by comma. Every bit of it played in my head like a painful memory that I could never get over. Who knew that you can shed tears even when drowning.

But the dam broke, and tears streamed down my cheeks in silence. I felt utterly alone, trapped in a prison of my own making. The reflection staring back at me was a stranger, a person marred with schemes, lies, and deceit. Gripping the sink tightly, I bent over and cried harder. Each sob shook me, making me feel like I was falling apart. Tears flowed down my cheeks, mixing with the water from the faucet. The bright light above flickered, making weird shadows on the floor. But all I could hear was the sound of my own crying, loud in the quiet room. I felt so broken, like everything was falling apart.

The moon-thread shimmered under the lights, each dress a unique masterpiece. Too bad they were all destined to be destroyed with me. I picked one at random, then lost interest and went back to our penthouse. The apartment, so full of our memories, now just felt cold. I soaked in the tub, but flashes of Ronan and Vesper together burned behind my eyelids... No... I slid all the way under the water, letting my tears dissolve into the bath. This was it. In seven days, I would fall into the sea just like this. All my tears would merge with the vast ocean, and I would never have to cry again.

What doesn’t kill you breaks you. I walk into the bathroom and I turn the shower on. Without stripping my clothes I walk into the shower and I sit on the floor resting my back against the wall. I feel the tears streaming down my eyes at the same time The hot waterfalls over my head washing away the sweat and blood from me. The pain stays and I feel my body heavier than normal. I allow myself to lay down on the floor and cry. I lay on the floor hugging my own body. I cry like a little baby that lost his mom. Like I did. And now... now I am losing the love of my life.

I wake up in a cold sweat and feel my underwear wet between my thighs. Tearing the soaked sheets off the bed and throwing them in the hamper, I take a nice long hot shower. I drown in my own sorrow, sitting on the floor of the shower and letting the hot water pour over me. Always finding the shower therapeutic, for some reason this time all I can do is cry.

The cold seeped into my bones, a physical manifestation of the numbness that had settled in my soul. In that moment, under the veil of the rain, I allowed myself to surrender to the magnitude of my emotions. The tears mingled with the raindrops, as if nature itself had conspired to share my grief. The weight of my despair was palpable, yet strangely comforting, for it validated the depth of my pain.

"Honestly, I wish she were the one who drowned. But no—good people die young, while snakes like her just keep slithering on. How does a curse like her even stay alive?" My heart clenched painfully, a dull ache spreading through my chest. I'd heard enough cruel words to last a lifetime and thought nothing could hurt me anymore. But hearing him say it—wishing I were dead—left me drowning in grief, my very soul trembling. It was only now that I realized I wasn't as strong as I'd believed. At that moment, a vicious wish surged through me. I wanted Jayden to turn around so badly to see my corpse. What kind of face would he make if he knew I was buried in the wall behind him?

I can't do this anymore! I can't watch her slowly dwindle away just like her! If she only knew how my heart breaks into pieces everytime my eyes lay upon her. Seeing the light leaving her beautiful eyes. The vibrant artic blue that was once there, now fading into a smokey navy blue. Everything is happening the same way it did with her. I can't stay with her and watch as history repeats itself! I won't stand by and watch another person I love more then anything in this world be taken away from me again!