Dumb Funny Things Novels & Stories

Back when I was young and dumb, I slapped some college guy working a side gig at a nightclub. My boyfriend had just ditched me for my best friend, Vanessa Shannon. Then, not even five minutes later, I caught her in the corner, sliding her hand under another guy's shirt. He bit his lip and just took it. Something in my brain short-circuited. I stood up and walked over. If Vanessa wanted him, why couldn't I? But the second I reached for him, he smacked my hand away. Vanessa cracked up. The whole private room turned to watch. Mortified, I slapped him. "You work at a place like this. Don't play innocent." Later, my family went broke, and I ended up working at a nightclub just to get by. The private room was loud as hell. I lost a game, and everyone at the table started chanting for me to take my bra off. My face went hot. I stood there, completely frozen. Then a low voice cut through the noise with a cold laugh. "You work at a place like this. Don't play innocent." I looked up. Our eyes locked. His stare was icy, full of pure mockery. It was the college guy I'd slapped years ago.

DISCLAIMER; BOYxBOY, erotic and 18+ only. “I will just drink my beer here, it is what I always do,” That is a lie, Caleb would probably be banging a blonde by now, now he was trying to act cool, he is just another piece of shit that I would enjoy cracking. “That would be dumb, won’t it?” I asked, seductively, walking closer to him. “Wh…what the fuck are you doing?” he asked as I slammed him to the wall. The party is filled with a bunch of horny teenagers, nobody gives a fuck what you do. “Making your evening eventful,” I whispered into his ear before biting his earlobe. The bottle of beer fell from his hands as he tried to push me off. “Stop…p, I’m not gay,” he wiggled, and that was just making me horny as fuck. “But you like it,” I chuckled, still licking his earlobe, as my hands went underneath his shirt. I pinched his nipple hard and his eyes rolled back. “No… I… don’t,” he lied but it came out as moans, making me smile. Caleb Mike didn't know he was gay till Ralph Landon came along, but Ralph just wanted to take revenge on Caleb for breaking his sister’s heart. Would he end up falling in love?

My husband falls for my cousin at first sight while still married to me. They conspire to make me fall from grace. I end up with a ruined reputation and family. I can't handle the devastation, so I decide to drag them to hell with me as we're on the way to get the divorce finalized. Unexpectedly, all three of us are reborn. As soon as we open our eyes, my husband asks me for a divorce so he can be with my cousin. They immediately get together and leave the country. Meanwhile, I remain and further my medical studies. I work diligently. Six years later, my ex-husband has turned into an internationally renowned artist, thanks to my cousin's help. Each of his paintings sells for astronomical prices, and he's lauded by many. On the other hand, I'm still working at the hospital and saving lives. A family gathering brings us three back together. It looks like life has treated him well as he holds my cousin close and mocks me contemptuously. However, he flies off the handle when he learns I'm about to marry someone else. "How can you get together with someone else when all I did was make a dumb mistake?"

"Dante" His breezy baritone swept across the carriage sending me to a jolt. "The name's Dante" He added as if to reassure me. I was on my way to an unknown Pack, it's funny how I was a Princess in my father's Palace in Arazona one day and the next, I'm being sold off to a beastial pack as a bride. I knew my place, surely, I was naive but not stupid. My life and death depended on him from the day of that horrible wedding, the moment we set off in the carriage my life was sealed with his, and the moment he looked into my eyes with the untamed, fiery and strong gaze, I feared I would lose my sanity and heart too. My heart was the border line, anything but my heart could be taken from me, I suddenly have the urge to tame him, My Alpha.

Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs, and for Ella Blake, it was a fastball right to the heart. On the same day she discovered she was pregnant, her husband, Lucas, dropped a bombshell: his childhood sweetheart, Amy, was also expecting—and he wanted Ella to raise the child. Talk about a double whammy! Devastated and feeling utterly betrayed, Ella packed her bags and left the life she once knew, vowing never to look back. Fast forward six years, and she's back, but with a new look and a fierce attitude. Lucas can’t believe his luck when he spots her, mistaking their chemistry for a chance to rekindle their past. But with secrets, old feelings, and Amy reappearing with her own bombshell, can Ella find a way to reclaim her heart, or will revenge take the wheel? What will happen when the past collides with the present?

"I am the Dragon Queen, and there's nothing you can do about it. Accept it... or accept defeat." Funny enough, I never imagined those words would one day leave my mouth. I'm Pandora, a princess who hated being a princess. On the day I was supposed to marry a cruel king in a marriage I never wanted, I ran away in search of the freedom I'd dreamed about my entire life. I never expected to stumble into a kingdom where dragons ruled the skies, or even existed, meet two ridiculously handsome princes, or discover that the dragons saw something in me that no one else did. Now kingdoms are preparing for war, an obsessed king wants to drag me back, and an ancient destiny I never asked for has chosen me. Apparently, running away from one wedding was only the beginning of my story.

My parents made Dana and me settle it with rock-paper-scissors. Loser had to marry the Baillieu heir—the so-called "freak." I won. Then flipped the script. "Cool. I'll take Blake. Dana can have the empire." Last time? I was dumb in love with Michael—Dad's adopted golden boy. Chose the company, stayed behind, and handed Dana off to Blake Baillieu. Big mistake. Six months in, Dana was gone—wrecked by that marriage. Right before she croaked, she texted Michael blaming me. Said I lost the game and ditched the deal, dumping Blake on her. Michael? Snapped. Dude went full psycho. Turns out, he and Dana had been sneaking around for years. He dragged me behind the Baillieu estate and forced a dozen intellectually disabled men to assault me. "If it weren't for your cruelty, Dana would still be alive! You'll pay for everything she suffered!" I was over eight months pregnant—almost due. Begged him to stop. Begged for my baby's life. He didn't care. Kept ordering them to take turns. Even when my water broke, he just watched. Both my baby and I died that night. Now? I'm back. And this time, I rewrote the story. Step one: marry Blake.

"Just join me for a drink perhaps?" Her bushy brows rose suggestively at me. She knew my answer, she knew what I'd say. I grabbed the bottle off her scrawny hands and said "You know, for a one time thing, this has become a regular." To be honest, I was actually looking forward to meeting up with her. Not that I was going to admit it to her face. "Like therapy sessions from two dumb, ill-favored kids. Who are trying to give each other easing words." She was right. Though her stumbled movements indicated a slight intoxication. Suddenly, out of the awkward moment, she looked up at me with a sad smile and said. "I might be a street girl but is it too bad to wish for a normal life? Go to proms? Have new clothes? Shelter? Love? Do I not deserve?" Her teary eyes searched deep into my soul. I was unaware of the lack of distance between us. When did we get so close with barely an inch barrier? "Flare..." that was all I could say because then all I could feel were soft lips against mine. Her lips! And it felt so nice. Subconsciously, I grabbed her little body and went for another kiss, this time, a deeper kiss.

“Why do you suddenly want out of this marriage? Who the fuck are you screwing, you dumb bitch?!” “I'm not screw-” I tried to explain, but he was already on me and I screamed as he dragged me up by my neck, his hand so tight on my throat I couldn’t breathe. “Who is it?!” he growled. “Who the fuck would dare!” ---- In a world absent the mate bond, alliances were formed through blood, power, and betrayal rather than fate. Makena Blackwell was born into the mafia's lowest-ranking position, promised at birth to a powerful heir in exchange for her family's survival. She was ready to marry him. But he was ready to destroy her. On the night she was meant to die, however, something impossible happened. A man rose from the icy steel trays of her father’s morgue. He was a stranger, with no memory, no name, and no pulse. And when their gazes met, fate spoke the word they never expected to hear in their lifetime, echoing so loudly in their souls it shook the very fabric of their being. “Mate!” The man the world left for dead wasn’t just anyone; he was the dread every mafia house feared, and he was hers. She was promised to a prince of power… but fate gave her the king of the dead.

My girlfriend suddenly told me she had six small beads implanted inside her, blushing as she said it was meant to please me. The next day, I made soup and brought it to her office. To my surprise, I saw her in the arms of my good friend, Henry Somerset. Henry wrapped his arm around her waist, his voice deep. "Baby, you're such a good girl. You really did the implantation as I told. My dumb friend even thought you did it for him. Do you reckon he'll lose his mind if he finds out you and I are getting married soon?" My girlfriend's voice turned cold. "This is nothing more than a marriage of convenience. I'm warning you not to let Chris find out." Henry chuckled and moved his hand downward. "Don't worry. As long as you keep me happy, I won't get Chris into trouble." After hearing all this behind the door, my entire body went cold. Clutching my phone tightly, I recalled my boss saying he would transfer me to a subsidiary company a few days ago. I no longer hesitated and sent him a text. [Boss, I'd like to be transferred to the subsidiary company in Hailborough City in three days.]