Romans & histoires Even If You Don't Love Me

“Even if you hate me. Don’t leave.” I clung to him. Panting. Sweaty. Loved. “Never,” I whispered. “I’m not strong enough to survive a world without you.”

“Please don't.” “I can't. I never knew how much I loved you until I realized I couldn't just pick up my phone and complain to you how unbelievably stressful the day has been. It was a wake up call and at first I felt angry that you didn't miss me as much and seemed to be doing fine in my absence. However, when I got over the initial anger I felt about the whole thing, I realized that some people love harder than others and it's okay if you don't feel the same burning sensation I feel for you. It's enough for me that I can feel it for the both of us.”

Stay strong, hold your head up high and it's all going to fall back in place for you. Always remember I love you whether we've met or not. As long as you're a reader of this work, I love you. 🖤♥️🖤♥️🖤♥️🖤♥️🖤♥️🖤

Because I may not know much above love it loving someone but I know one thing. You do not hurt someone you love, not the way they hurt me.

“Get some rest. I’ll clean up.” I really wondered what would’ve happened to me if they hadn’t loved me so much after I was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder, weeks after Todd and I broke up. I was a little dramatic when I was little and so I wasn’t getting much attention from Mama. After I was diagnosed of that, I guess she stopped loving me. And when I thought Papa and Ray would also neglect me, they didn’t, I owe a lot to them. “Alright, I want you to stay close to me and please fake a smile. I know you’re not happy but please do it for me. Before you realise, all this will over.”

“Then let me love you, I don’t care if you have had someone before, I don’t care if nobody wants you. I do.” “This time, let me come to you.”

Fear came naturally after that. Control became everything. Control meant predictability. Clean decisions. No surprises. It helped me forget the chaos Rose and her sister dragged into our world. Almost. There was one memory that refused to fade. Zena. Even thinking her name tightened something in my chest. Years had passed, yet her face remained sharp in my mind, her voice lingering in memories I never invited back. It irritated me more than I wanted to admit. I never figured out what she had been to me. Love felt too soft for something that unsettled me this deeply. Hate felt dishonest. Attraction felt too small for the weight she carried inside my head.

I slowly look back towards him, unsure if I have heard him correctly. “B-but,” I stammer, “y-you hate it w-when people fall in l-love with you?” I find myself unable to catch my breath even as I try to reply. “Y-you w-won’t b-be their m-meal ticket, a-and it annoys y-you?”

Enough to draw Santiago’s attention. I make a face at the mirror. I don’t care if he’s a donor and multi-millionaire—and he must be, to fund a project like this. That dude was creepy. I don’t want him ogling me. The young security guard… now that’s a different matter. Wouldn’t mind a strip search from him. Okay, that was an uncharacteristically sexual thought. What’s going on with me? I really have been too isolated lately. When I return to my seat, the computer flickers. Odd. It was fine a minute ago. But now the screen is alive with movement.

“I love you, Sophie and I don't know what I'll do without you in my life. I want to be with you and just you.” He swallowed and pleaded. “I'm terribly sorry for this pain I'm causing you... I know what I did was despicable and unforgivable but I love you and I can't lose you. I'm being honest with you because I can't keep it alright, you need to know and I don't want you to send me away. Please don't break up with me, we can make this work."