Filipino Funny Quotes

"You are nothing but a Sperm Donor." "But I am your Sperm Donor." After helping deliver dozens of babies into the world, midwife Anna Johnson is longing for her child. Since her luck has always proven itself unuseful in bed, she turns to sperm donation as one last futile attempt to have a child. The donor she chooses from the catalog seems to be the perfect match - cute, college-educated, creamy, topped with a pair of the most mesmerizing brown eyes she's ever seen. Little does Anna know that the man behind the file is entirely unaware of this whole ordeal, as a cause of a drunken dare. When Daniel Williams finds out about this, things are bound to go down. WATTPAD BEINGZANYAROSS

She hoped for a savior, but she found the devil. He is Saint. But he is no saint. He leaned in closer, his hot breath fanning my face as he looked down at me. "I think you are mistaken about something, little one. You belong to me. You were mine from the moment you clung to me desperately begging for help. But you weren't saved by some hero, a knight in shining armor. No darling, I'm the devil and you are mine".

Juliet is a confident curvy girl with a sharp tongue and a sassy fun loving attitude who runs a pizza shop with her sister. Jude is a frontman in a rock band with a hard edge but boyish good looks and a retro style. The two couldn't be more different, and from opposite worlds. A chance encounter brings them together for one explosive night neither will soon forget. Jude is forced to take a hard look at his life and question where he wants it to go while trying to decide on the future of his band. Follow along in this cute short story of how love comes in all forms. This is a simple and straight-forward easy to read feel good series about everyday people finding love in the most unsuspecting of places! We all have our issues, insecurities but can we open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the right person? **This is a five part series that follows a hard rock band called Feisty and the five men who are its trail blazers, taking the world by storm while looking for love. Love finds them in some of the most unlikely places, but for one it’s been under his nose all along. A new book will come out about every six weeks until they are complete, enjoy!** This is a five part mini-series and the stories continue in order but can be read as individual stand-alone books. This part one, Judes story.

Life can be cruel, life can be hard, and one has to keep fighting not to let down their guard cause most battles went through make a person who they are, being proud of your scars is the best. Struggle, Pain and Failure led Ashley, a girl desperate in need of a job to save her dying mother to end up falling into a trap. She got marked as a demon mate and had no way out but the situation takes a funny turn when she realized she is more than a mate!

Tara isn't your everyday beauty shit she wasn't a size 0 runway model, she was curvey thick and flawless nonetheless. It took her years to see that in herself after going through the ups and downs of being tossed through the foster system she had all but lost her faith in herself. This is why she chooses to become an advocate for foster kids like her. When she first launched her UFCP program she had only one private supporter. Now here she was at a huge charity banquet representing her program publicly and the program would now be recognized nationally. It was like a dream come true especially when she runs into the investor who happens to be an old friend from the foster system who was in the same house as her. Giovanni Berlusconi, he had glowed up since she last saw him all those years ago and he apparently felt the same about her. The only problem was he was a mafia king pin and Tara might have known much about the mob, but she sure as hell knew she wanted no parts of it. Especially after two of her colleagues end up dead in a mysterious car crash after questioning Gio's family connections to the recent spike in missing persons cases in the city. Tara had tried to blow him off politely but Gio wasn't having it. Stopping by her office unannounced. Tara was desperate to avoid the mob boss at all cost that is until she accidentally stumbles on to a private family meeting and witnesses him killing someone. Now she has only two choices marry the very man she fears or die.

DE GUIA SERIES 1: The Hate List Magpapakasal na ang boyfriend of 5 years ni Erin - pero hindi siya ang bride. At ang mang-aagaw na pakakasalan, isusuot ang pangarap niyang wedding gown! Sa ibang pang balita, na-promote ang ex-bestfriend niyang two-faced. Nabigyan ng entrepreneurial award ang ex-boss niyang kontrabida. At lumalapad ang waistline niya! Nang asarin siya ng daigdigan, parang sasabog na bulkan si Erin. Isinumpa niyang lintek lang ang walang ganti! Ito ay isang kuwentong punumpuno ng galit, paghihiganti, kapalpakan at nagwawalang hormones. Na may kasamang isang masugid na lalaking nangangako ng katakam-takam na abs kay Erin - si Adam. Will she get to the end of her hate list or will she cross out everything and find the love of her life beside her?

Kisah seorang guru lelaki yang jatuh cinta pada pelajarnya. Cerita ni menghiburkan dan sangat sweet. Ia juga merupakan kisah kahwin paksa.

“Benjamin, naging asawa mo ako sa loob ng tatlong taon ngunit ni isang beses ay hindi mo man lang ako nagawang hawakan! Ngayon, ito na ang pagkakataon ko. Ito na ang tamang panahon para bumawi sa lahat ng mga masasakit na pinagdaanan ko sa piling mo bilang asawa mo at bilang babaeng minahal ka ng napakatagal! Pinagsisisihan kong naging asawa kita!” Tumutulo ang mga luha ni Lunabella habang sinasabi iyon sa nakahiga at nakataling asawang si Benjamin Alvarez sa kanilang kama. “Huwag mong gawin ito, Luna. Sinasabi ko sa'yo, hinding-hindi kita mapapatawad! Bakit hindi mo na lang kasi tanggapin na hindi kita magawang mahalin? Na si Astra lang ang tanging tinitibok ng puso ko?!” Walang pusong turan ni Benjamin, puno ng galit ang mga mata. “Humanda ka sa akin kapag nakawala ako rito, talagang mapapatay kita!” Pilit itong kumakawala sa pagkakatali ngunit mahigpit ang ginawang pagkakatali rito ni Lunabella rito. ******* Mula pa nang highschool ay minamahal na ni Lunabella Cruz si Benjamin Alvarez. Wala siyang ibang nais kundi ang makasal dito. Kaya nang ipagkasundo silang dalawa dahil sa horoscope na pinaniniwalaan ng naghihingalong matandang Alvarez ay hanggang langit ang ligaya niya. Subalit ang sayang iyon ay kapalit ng tatlong taong paghihirap niya bilang asawa ni Benjamin Alvarez. Mahal na mahal niya ang lalaki ngunit may iba ito minamahal.

Harper Parisi was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Bilang anak ng Senador, nakukuha niya ang lahat ng anumang gustuhin niya. From being the latest luxury bags to eye-catching dresses, name it all and she have it. When she met Wyatt, she said to herself that she will make him fall in love--- by hook or by crook. But when the secrets of her past started unfolding, how would the Senator's daughter handle everything knowing that the ties that bound her and Wyatt involves her father's wrongdoing? The Senator's Daughter by: untoldjins FILIPINO • R18+

Fifth Castillion is a happy-go-lucky bachelor from a wealthy clan of Castillion. He never imagined being in a serious relationship and being a man of one woman. But when he met Antoinette San Francisco, everything changed. She's a demure and classic woman who dreamed of being a nun and temporarily went out to the convent to fulfill her responsibility to her sister, Tamia. Destiny is full of surprises, indeed. Tamia fell in love with Fifth, while Fifth fell with Antoinette, and vice versa. But as a good half-sister, Antoinette sacrificed her love for him. She let him go despite their love for each other for her sister's happiness. She pushed Fifth to marry her sister as Tamia's dying wish. He will do everything she wants, even if it costs him happiness and freedom. He married Tamia while Antoinette pursued her dream and became a nun. Selfless love is sometimes too cruel for those who sacrifice. Is there a happy ending for both of them? Or will their sacrifices set them free?