Food Jokes Novels & Stories

I can't believe that my online boyfriend is actually my boss, Yoel Gilmore, who refutes me at all times during my work hours! So, I purposefully complain on the chat app, saying that my "boss" wants me to burn the midnight oil just to get a proposal done immediately. Almost immediately, I see my company's group chat updating with a new message that says, "A one-day extension has been given." Afterward, I claim that I "want to quit my job because the food at the cafeteria sucks". On the very same day, the company makes a decision to increase the cafeteria meals' portions without hiking up the price. I'm also given an increase in bonus. In the end, I say I want to break up with him because I can't hug him in real life. But I end up getting taken to the CEO's office, where I hear him telling me in a choked-up tone, "I'll let you hug and kiss me. Can we please not break up?"

I am Ivy Blackthorne, the Luna of the Graystone pack and a princess of the White Wolf royalty. Tomorrow, when the full moon rises, I will personally place the heirloom upon my nine-year-old pup, Lucas Gowling, as both his mother and Luna. Lucas is not only my pup with my Alpha mate, Alexander Gowling, but he is also the Child of Prophecy foretold to lead the Graystone pack to glory. For nine years, I have believed that moment will be the most perfect in my life. But three minutes ago, I caught a faint yet chillingly bitter scent in my breakfast. It is wolfsbane, a rare poison that can kill wolves. My blood runs cold. Who would poison my food? I force myself to stay calm and not react immediately. I lift my bowl and pretend to drink its contents, but I secretly pour it into a napkin under the table. A more terrifying thought forms in my mind—if my breakfast is poisoned, then what about Lucas' food? I shoot to my feet right away. Without even stopping to grab a coat, I rush toward the training grounds in the back of the mountains. Before I reach it, I hear Lucas' voice from the woods toward the north. "Mother, did I do well today? I watch her eat breakfast with my own eyes." I freeze like I was hit by a bolt of lightning. Trembling, I push aside the bushes, only to see someone unexpected standing there. It is Sophia Crow, Alexander's childhood sweetheart, whom he had supposedly cut off from his life long ago. She crouches slightly and wipes Lucas' sweat off his brow, her movements intimate and natural. "Very good. Just one more day. After the succession ceremony tomorrow, you won't need to call her 'Mother' anymore," says Sophia. Lucas replies, "I've grown tired of calling her Mother for a long time. If she dies, can I openly call you 'Mother'?" Sophia gently pulls Lucas into her arms. "Of course. You are my pup to begin with." In that instant, every breath I take feels suffocating. The pain is unbearable. The pup I raised for nine years is actually the illegitimate child of my mate and his childhood sweetheart.

Today is my birthday. But my wife, Talia Ford, tells me that she can't spend time with me today. She needs to accompany her uncle, Adam Ford, to his physical checkup. I'm about to convince Talia to stay with me when a row of comments suddenly pops up in front of my eyes. "Stop wasting your breath. Just let her go. "In your previous life, Talia insisted on keeping her uncle company, so you could only return to your research lab to work. But you predicted that the dead volcano located next to Bareyard Village would erupt tonight. So, you forcibly stopped Talia and made her go back to the village to save her grandpa. "But when her uncle went for the physical checkup on his own, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Engulfed by despair, he took his own life by jumping off the hospital. "After he died, Talia pinned the blame on you. She bought some potent rat poison and poisoned your food, thus killing you."

Even before marrying Wayne Cooper, I knew he had a fierce sister-in-law. He would always tell me to never get into a fight with her. After we marry, we spend Christmas Eve at his parents' house for the first time. I'm forced to bustle around in the kitchen as I prepare a feast for over a dozen people. Meanwhile, Wayne's family lounges in the living room. They chatter away while enjoying the fruits I've washed and sliced. As I place the last dish on the table, Wayne's brother and sister-in-law, Kyle Cooper and Lucy Wren, arrive. When I want to take my seat, I discover there isn't one for me. That's when Lucy snorts and says sarcastically, "I heard you're a good wife who's obedient and easygoing, Melanie. I have to say that your cooking is… mediocre, though." This infuriates me. I'm about to retort when she turns to my mother-in-law. She says, "I think you should do the cooking from now on, Gloria. Your food is delicious…"

Angela currently plunges into poverty that forces her to went into prostitution where she sells her body to keep her two younger siblings alive, paying their school fees and put food on their table at least twice a day. Despite experiencing the whip of life, she didn't lose hope. She believes one day she will be freed from prostitution, she will feel loved, respected and cared for. She still believes there's someone who will come to hold her hand and help her to get out of the mud. And the person who's going to save her is her childhood friend who went abroad to study way back seven years ago. What if her childhood friend came back all of the sudden? Is she will going to reveal her secret as a prostitute just to make her save by him? Or hide it just to make her man stay in her life? Is it possible for a prostitute like her to have a happy ever after to a knight shimmering shining armor like in books and fairytales? Let's find out in Magda.

At our Thanksgiving family dinner, my stepbrother brought his beautiful girlfriend to meet the family for the first time. She held up her wine glass and flashed me a malicious smirk. “I heard you had a first love you can’t forget, Summer.” I kept my head low and focused on my food, unsure how to respond. After all, my first love… was her boyfriend. When I was seventeen, my stepbrother Ethan Cole tricked me into crossing the line we should never have crossed, while our parents were blissfully unaware. Even right now, under the table, his foot was rubbing mine sensually. He did not bother holding back. On the table, he held his girlfriend’s hand tenderly as he mocked me with a smirk, “You’re twenty-seven, sis. Your shelf life is running out, and you’re such a plain Jane. Who would ever want you?” I stood up abruptly and looked at him, my tone calm and resolute. “I’m married, Ethan.”

A parent in my son's preschool group chat tagged me out of nowhere. "Theo's dad, your son's lunches always look pretty nice. Starting tomorrow, pack one for my daughter too." "I'm not asking for free food. I'll give you ten dollars a day. That adds up. You can make a little extra on the side." I stared at the message, almost laughing from how absurd it was. My son has severe food sensitivities and a fragile stomach. Every ingredient in his meals is specially sourced, and a single lunch costs far more than five hundred dollars to prepare. And this man thought ten dollars could buy it? I replied with two words: "Not happening." The next day, my son came home crying. His lunch had been taken by another child, and the teacher had scolded him for being selfish. Fine. Since they wanted to push this far, I would show them exactly how far I could go.

When I was seven years old, my father began subjecting me to extremely strict parenting. Not only did he withhold any support for my food, clothing, housing, or daily necessities, but he even charged me for drinking water in our own home. As a child, I endured relentless suffering and bullying. When I was critically injured by a vehicle that broke the law, I was severely injured, and my father refused to save me. Only after my death did I learn the truth that he already had a son somewhere out there. Everything he did to me was meant to drive me to my death. After rebirth, I no longer adhered to rules nor endured silently. Exploiting the fact that I was still a minor, I stabbed his secretary, bullied my classmates at school, and even set a fire on campus to force my father to give up on his brutal methods. When I grew up, I took everything he owned and sent him to prison. Only then was my revenge completed.

When the Stellers take in the five-year-old Lucian, they doesn't realize the looks could be deceiving. He is a beast–a predator–devised to kill. Things take a turn when it is time for his first shift. Prince Lucian Armand Orszak–the only heir to the Lycan throne is on the run with his guardian Dimitri Van Speybroeck. Lucian is forced to leave the place and the people he has known for his entire life at five. When his guardian is attacked and left immobile, Lucian finds himself on the streets. Now living alone, rummaging through the garbage bins for food, he is abducted by a child trafficking group and witness a young girl being attacked. He saves her risking his life. He is taken in by her kind family, but everything changes when he hits puberty. He does not understand the change he is going through or know the reason for unheard beasts attacking him out of the blue. What happens now with his enemies closing in on him and his feelings towards his childhood friend have changed to something different? Plus his biological parents are also after him.

Ella is her name. She's just an ordinary girl. Oh, wait, is she really as ordinary as we presumed about her? Allora, you can't guess it right. For she herself didn't know about her true identity. Living in a ramshackle hut with an old man with whom she had no blood relation. There's nothing extraordinary about her lifestyle or even her. She wakes up, prepares breakfast for both of them, and then the old man leaves of food hunting. They're living an extremely poor life which is a common status in her surroundings. And one day she had a mysterious dream, the one she had never thought of. Not even in her dreams! Her 18th birthday was coming right after two days and she's having his dream as a present. Well, a present worth it all. Forest, wolves, handcuffed maiden, and the demand. A two-word demand, asking for the keys. What keys those strange, voiced creatures were asking for? Whose keys? She didn't know but soon she will know.