Food Jokes

My husband, Jaxon Murray, was a renowned medical expert and owned a big company. He was participating in a clinical drug trial when someone tampered with his medication. Under the influence, he ended up entangled with an intern—ninety-nine times, right there on the lab table. When he regained clarity, he rushed home, locked himself in the bathroom, and submerged himself in the tub without food or water as he waited for me to return from work. "Lauren," he said, "my medication was switched during the trial. I made a terrible mistake. But I paid her off and had her dismissed. She'll never appear before me again." I wept miserably, clutching my belly that had once again failed to carry life. And in the end, I chose to forgive him. Several months later, he crashed into a guardrail while answering a phone call, causing me to miscarry. The injury left me unable to conceive for life. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his voice choked with remorse. "Darling, I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry… We don't need children. We have each other, isn't that enough?" One day, I went to bring him lunch, only to find him in the next hospital room, cradling and feeding the woman he swore he'd never see again. "She's too weak to eat by herself," he said. "She has early-stage stomach cancer. There's no one else to take care of her… she's all alone." I chose to believe him. Again. Until one day, a pair of twins appeared in our home. Sophie Dixon knelt before me, wearing the postpartum gown he had once lovingly picked out for me, clutching my hand with tears streaming down her face. "It's all my fault. Please don't blame Jaxon. If you say the word, I'll leave with the children immediately." Jaxon grabbed my other hand, desperation thick in his voice. "Lauren, you've always been the kindest person I know. The children are still so young. How could Sophie possibly raise them alone? You wouldn't be that cruel… would you?" I looked down at the hands gripping mine from both sides, and suddenly, I laughed. "Jaxon, let's get a divorce. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness."

The story of 'EVERY WOMAN CANNOT BE PRETTY' is a message to millions of women around the world who feel inferior due to their average looks that ‘ Beauty is not in the face alone.’ The protagonist in this story, Sarah Liam suffers from PCOS ( Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) with side effects of being obese, acne prone and having more than normal hair growth on face and body. To top it she is short in height and has a prominent mole on her chin. In all, she is not what one can call “pretty”. Her husband wants to use her as a sex toy, her best friend betrays her trust by sleeping with her husband. Faced with treachery by loved ones, shunned by many, at the brunt of the unkindest of jokes, the story shows how Sarah manages to rise like a Phoenix, hold her head high and eke revenge on the people who have cheated her, solely with the strength of her talent and grit. But with her flawed appearance, will she ever find true love? Can she ever aspire to marry a handsome man or will she have to settle for someone similarly flawed? Read on..

“Do you feel that, Rose?” He asked in a gruff tone. “The effect I have on you is real. Don’t deny it. Don’t deny me.” Rose’s cheeks burn with shame, even though she pushed her bosom more into his hand, seeking the pleasure she knew he could give her. Then, she recalled that they were in a restaurant, and stilled at once, eyes wide, heart thudding wildly, and breathless. “We’re in a bar,” she told him, her protest sounding weak even to her own ears. “A desert one,” he chuckled. She turned around, and saw that the restaurant was indeed vacant, save for them, and Enzo and Stefan who were standing by the door, their backs to them. It was rush hour, and that couldn’t have happened, even if the food was terrible — and it wasn’t. She understood immediately that the divillish man sitting next to her, who starred in all her fantasies as of late, had ensured that they would have the privacy they needed. For a ruthless mafia boss, he sure could be considerate. ... ... ... ... When Rose meets a mafia boss on one of her night shifts, she thinks he is a peculiar and unpleasant patient whom she would do well to avoid... Little does she know that that encounter is but the beginning to a tumultuous passionate chapter of her life. Risking everything for the man shouldn't be an option... And yet, she soon finds herself caught in his web of sin, desire, and obsession.

Sixteen-year-old Rithanya can’t wait to go to boarding school and follow her dream of entering the Armed Forces Medical College. A far cry from the busy city life in her hometown of Bangalore, the strict, rural boarding school has strange rules and a stringent way of life for the students. Rithanya quickly settles in, making friends and enjoying her new life away from her sometimes overbearing family. But it isn’t all fun and games. The hostel food is intolerable and Rithanya starts to feel the pressure of her intense studies. She has terrible nightmares of failing her exams and disgracing her family, and her poor diet isn’t helping. The drudgery of capsuled academic studies, stringent rules, unpalatable food and the rat race for perfection triggers depression and an attack of psychosis of unimaginable magnitude in her mind. Once a bright and carefree girl, she falls into a terrible mental state of overwork and anxiety. Her deteriorating condition is of great concern to her family. Can Rithanya get better and continue her studies, or will the overwhelming pressure and her deteriorating mental health threaten to spoil her future plans?

I was a year old when I tried to get some food from my sister's plate. My parents were so angry that they slapped me, rendering me deaf in my right ear. They also hated me until the day I died. They called me a monster that only knew how to take her sister's things. The day I learn I have a terminal illness, I call Mom and tentatively say, "I'm sick, Mom. The doctor said it's a brain tumor. Can you come to the hospital?" She sneers. "You're better off dead. I hope it happens quickly and that you're not at home when it does. I don't want to touch your body." I know they've always looked forward to my death. But when their wish finally comes true and their birth daughter dies, they lose their minds.

Prisca, alias Prisca Ese Gideon, is a fast-rising diva who gets into trouble after photos and videos of herself being intimate with her boyfriend gets leaked on the internet. Her fame and success in the music industry begins to crumble. Her family dissociates from her, she loses many big money endorsement deals, and worse of all, she loses her fan base. The public now sees her as a sex object, making fun and dirty jokes about her. Due to these actions, she isolates herself from the public, vowing to herself never to speak to anyone or have a personal relationship with any person in particular. Months after her rock-bottom escapades, she finds love in the hands of a die-hard fan, Diri, who helps her get back at her boyfriend, Clem (sound engineer of S.K. records, the same record label Prisca was signed into) and helps her get over her rock bottom experiences.

Braving a downpour, I delivered a lavish food order, anticipating the hefty commission and a $100 tip. Laughter suddenly echoed from the villa. Someone started, "He really believes your car crash left you paralyzed? He's hustling deliveries to support you and even pawned his dad's heirloom?" Another said, "What if he discovers you're actually a billionaire heiress, just playing poor? He'd probably break down in tears." Jessica Stark toyed with her wine glass. "Guys like him are wired to serve, especially since he always outshone Mark in our school days. This is his comeuppance." I stood in the relentless rain, a bitter chuckle escaping my lips. Turned out, her two-year charade of paralysis was merely to avenge her childhood sweetheart. Her broken legs, deceased parents, and helpless tears were all meticulously crafted lies. Disillusioned, I dialed my estranged tycoon mother. "You win. I'll go through with the arranged marriage."

Sara Atkins just wants to start anew. No Noah anymore. No food technology. No worries about love. She just needs a breeze of fresh air. An opportunity presents itself when Sara finds out about Beaumont, one of the biggest money companies in the US, who are searching for another accounting assistant. Miraculously, the Austrian girl is hired the day she gets interviewed, even if a bit too easily in her opinion. They had warned her about new position and her boss, however, she hadn't understood why. Until she met him. Mr Beaumont isn't only a tyrant, a brooding and yelling boss who hates tardiness and self-doubt, but also the most handsome man Sara has ever laid eyes on. Imposing, tall and handsome, the soon 30-year-old has already forced his way into her life. Cold, too witty for his own good, stern and unpredictable, this CEO is causing Sara way more trouble than she had anticipated - Mr. Beaumont makes her working day a living hell, makes her face countless of obstacles and plays with her mind as he pleases. Her cheating husband is enough headache as it is, but now Sara can't stop thinking about her boss who has been strangely nice to her, even though she can't stand him ... or is she just lying to herself?

Roxanne Rowan is a spiritual news editor. After an accident in the year twenty-two, Roxanne Rowan was able to see ghosts. She goes around trying to find a way to solve this ability. Her fear of ghosts makes her taciturn and closed off. During an encounter with evil spirits, Roxanne met Egan Griffith, the demon employee of hell. He has the task of catching the demons that are causing trouble in the living world to bring them to hell and punish them. According to the orders of the spirit world, if Roxanne wants to break the ability to see ghosts in her eyes, she must cooperate with Egan to catch the devil spirits. The contract is signed and many bad jokes happen. Roxanne's fate and secret are also revealed. She also realizes that demons come in two forms: disrupting people in the living world and trying to earn money in order to survive like a normal person. Every night, Roxanne has to lie in bed waiting for Egan to finish processing the documents for the company. She doesn’t think from an unequal partnership to rolling in bed so close together.

Winifred Jaeger comes from an ordinary family. She meets Timothy Stringer, a rich heir who falls for her at first sight. He immediately starts pursuing her with gusto. Winifred knows they're from different worlds, so she keeps rejecting him. He doesn't give up, though. When she wants to have food from her hometown, he steps into the kitchen for the first time ever. He cooks for her, relishing in it despite getting scalded. When she wants to have candy, he lines up in the dead of winter to get it for her. The iciness and sharp wind don't faze him. She likes fringe tree flowers, so he gets seeds from all over the world. He covers a mountaintop with them for her. She likes making desserts, so he buys ingredients for her from various places. He's more than happy to test her finished products. When she's in a bad mood, he makes sure to cheer her up despite being sick. When Winifred graduates from college, Timothy spreads 99,999 roses on the field to propose to her. She finally realizes she's long since fallen for him, so she says yes. Everyone says she's lucky to have met a man who loves her so and thinks of her as his only one. Yet it's precisely this man who cheats on her when they're about to get married. He tells her he loves her, yet he almost manically tries to have a baby with his mistress. Heartbroken and devastated, Winifred chooses to leave. It's only after she's gone that Timothy searches for her like crazy. When he finds her, he does everything possible to beg her to go back to him. He paces outside her door and begs her incessantly, his eyes red-rimmed. However, she turns him down calmly. "It's too late—you're a closed chapter in my book, and I'm already on a new chapter." Winifred turns to look at a tall, handsome man standing nearby—Timothy's childhood friend, Cyrus Littrell.