Food Jokes

“I, Alpha Draco of the Peony pack hereby reject you, Helena, as my mate. I refuse to have anything to do with you anymore. You will be banished from this pack, never to set foot on this land anymore or you will pay for it with your life” his thick voice boomed through the cold and dark cell where I was kept all day with no food or water. My chapped lips parted painfully as the flesh drew each other tightly. I couldn’t even beg or plead for mercy. It was a miracle that I was not even killed because I was probably the most hated person in the pack at that moment. He didn’t allow me to utter whatever I had in mind before he turned his back on me. My finger grazed his cold hand as I tried to hold onto him, I was late. The warm eyes that had always behold me now look at me with disdain. There was no hope anywhere, his extreme sadness was visible even through his back as his footstep retracted into the long distance. At the loud clunk of the prison’s door kissing its hinge, my whole world crumbled. The only thing left in me was the small life breathing in my womb, something Draco never knew of. Right there, I made the resolution to live for my baby and find out the truth behind what happened in the pack that night.

I could hear the thoughts of the poorest girl in the entire school. At our campus ball, she deliberately ate food that contained nuts to give herself an allergic reaction and blame me for it. With tears streaming down her face, she cried, "I know you don't like me! I know you look down on girls as poor as me, but you can't bully me like this!" Everyone believed her and turned on me, including my fiancé, Mark Hawkins, who was expected to form a political alliance with my family through our engagement. He pinned me in place and demanded that I apologize to the 'victim'. I shook my head, trying desperately to explain that it was not me who put the nuts in her food. That was when I heard the thoughts of that 'poor' girl, Alice, ''So what if she's the mafia don's daughter? I still brought her down. Being defended by her rich, clueless fiancé feels incredible!' I was stunned. Before I could react, Mark pushed me to the floor and said firmly, "Helen, apologizing won't kill you." A disbelieving laugh slipped out of me. I wondered if he would still say the same thing if he could hear Alice's thoughts. When I finally gained the ability to share the thoughts I heard with someone else, I chose Mark without hesitation.

Seeing nothing but the bare self of a girl in his kitchen, his thought suddenly went blank, even her grumbling stomach couldn’t get to him. A strange nude girl in his kitchen was something he hadn’t thought he would see in the next hundred years. She was weird, her long unraveled reddish brown hair was covering her face. Her body held, different old and new scars . And when she lift her eyes to look at him. The eyes was something he hasn’t seen before burning in flames. And a mixture of gold and blue. In a flash it swipe to deep sea blue eyes. The mop stick he held fell from his hands, leaving his mouth ajar. “Who are you?” He thought a thief had sneak in here, probably a food thief in his kitchen, but he ended up seeing something else. And she blinked her long and full lashes at him. Innocently. “Who the hell, are you?” He asked, his eyes running up and down her naked body again. He gulped down an invisible lump on his throat. What’s he gonna do? Her stomach growls. And she whined, giving him pleading eyes. He suddenly felt his knee went weak. “What are you doing here?” Was this some kind of nightmare, or what the hell was it?

Commander Samson Gardner was my fiance. In his family was an iron-clad rule—no divorces. Before my brother died, his last wish was for Samson to marry me. So, even after falling in love with his childhood sweetheart, Samson still decided to marry me as promised. However, everything changed the day said childhood sweetheart destroyed the only watch my brother left me. When Samson sided with her again, I didn't argue. I simply reached out to my mentor overseas and started preparing to become a foreign correspondent. Before leaving, I gave myself ten days to put things in order. On the first day, I quietly hid the marriage application I was supposed to submit. On the third day, I turned in my resignation to the military. The day I was to leave, Samson finally remembered the watch and promised to take me to buy a new one on his next day off. Right after that, he ordered me, "Celia is inviting friends over for dinner tonight. Make sure the food is ready before you go." I agreed with a smile—and then never showed up in his world again. Afterward, Samson would stare blankly at the marriage application inside his drawer every time he saw my name in the news. There, within his drawer, were the memories of an autumn not yet fully arrived, the lover he could never win back, and the watch he could never give...

In a world where Werewolves, Vampires and other mythological creatures have evolved to not only fit in with the human world, but to run it, a young witch, raised by an erratic coven of witches finds herself an important pawn in a war that began centuries before her birth. Prudence Skov, Rue to her friends, Styria to her enemies, is charged with a mission that will most likely end in her death, but it would be the steppingstone her coven needs to turn the tide of this war in their favor, getting them one step closer to righting all that is wrong with this new world of drug dealing werewolves, business mogul vampires and the disgusting practice of human trafficking. Humans, who once fought each other to end slavery, ended back up on the bottom of the food chain when their predators, though outnumbered had learned how to blend in. Rue, ready to do whatever it takes to keep herself and her brother safe, knows that being sold into the employ of Phoenix Arizona's most eligible werewolf bachelor is necessary in accomplishing that. But when a wedge is thrown in her plans, her world balances on a precarious edge that naivety had once shielded her from. Will she take the beating of these men who think they own everything and accept her role as a pawn? Or does she have it in her to take control of her destiny, to rise from the ashes of her past and come back stronger than ever? Chaos, love, pain, loss, spicy secrets and more await you in this thrilling story of myths and dangers.

On the day we receive our bonus, one of the staff members of the finance department gives me 500 dollars worth of vouchers for the fast food restaurant downstairs. He tells me that my wife, Jillian Dunn, who is also the company's president, specifically ordered him to do so. In utter disbelief, I seek out Jillian and question her. "Didn't we agree that whoever secures the project will get a 50,000-dollar bonus? Stop messing around! I still need to pay for Freya's cochlear implant!" "I'm not messing around with you," Jillian answers seriously. "These vouchers can last you for a whole month. I wouldn't even give them to you if you were anyone else. "Money is tight right now at the company. Besides, Freya has been deaf for more than a decade now. She can survive being deaf for another decade." The next day, Jillian gives one of the interns a sports car that's worth 50,000 dollars. I look at the photo she uploads of her and the intern grinning widely as they sit in the car and give it a like. Jillian must assume that everything is proceeding smoothly since she has signed the contract. However, she misses the additional condition that's printed on the last page of the contract. I dial her rival's number, asking, "Ms. Swan, are you interested in Project Charlie?"

From as far back as I can remember, I knew my mom hated me. She gives me sleeping pills when I'm three. When I'm five, she tries pesticide instead. But I'm hard to get rid of. By the time I'm seven, I've already learned how to fight back. If she refuses to give me food, I flip the table so no one can eat either. If she beats me up until I'm on the ground, writhing in pain, I go after her beloved son the same way, leaving him bruised and bawling. That's how we stay locked in battle until I turn 12. Everything changes when my youngest sister is born. I'm clumsily trying to help with her wet diaper when Mom suddenly shoves me against the wall. The look in her eyes holds both disgust and fear. "What were you trying to do to my daughter? I knew it. You take after that monster of a father. Why didn't you just die with him?" I hold my aching head. For the first time, I don't fight back. I believe she's right. My existence is a mistake. I should never have been alive.

Sara Atkins just wants to start anew. No Noah anymore. No food technology. No worries about love. She just needs a breeze of fresh air. An opportunity presents itself when Sara finds out about Beaumont, one of the biggest money companies in the US, who are searching for another accounting assistant. Miraculously, the Austrian girl is hired the day she gets interviewed, even if a bit too easily in her opinion. They had warned her about new position and her boss, however, she hadn't understood why. Until she met him. Mr Beaumont isn't only a tyrant, a brooding and yelling boss who hates tardiness and self-doubt, but also the most handsome man Sara has ever laid eyes on. Imposing, tall and handsome, the soon 30-year-old has already forced his way into her life. Cold, too witty for his own good, stern and unpredictable, this CEO is causing Sara way more trouble than she had anticipated - Mr. Beaumont makes her working day a living hell, makes her face countless of obstacles and plays with her mind as he pleases. Her cheating husband is enough headache as it is, but now Sara can't stop thinking about her boss who has been strangely nice to her, even though she can't stand him ... or is she just lying to herself?

My mate, Ethan Rickman, is an Omega without a wolf. No official position is willing to hire him. That means we live in poverty, but I've always believed that our love can overcome anything. Seven years after our mating, hunger drives me and our son, Theo Rickman, to dig through trash bins late at night, looking for food. Theo moves quickly and quietly. He's become skilled at it. With a cheerful grin, he whispers to me, "Mom, this bin belongs to an award-winning restaurant! The food's fresh and tastes great. Let's bring some back for Dad!" The next day, I put on the cleanest clothes I own and head to that same restaurant, hoping to get hired as a janitor. If I get the job, maybe I can bring home leftovers before they're tossed out. But when I look up, I see Ethan stepping out of a luxury car worth millions. Behind him stands a woman and child, both dressed in designer clothes. I recognize her instantly. She's Mira Alstone, his childhood sweetheart. The restaurant owner gives me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Ms. Everdeen. Alpha Ethan reserved the whole place for Mira today. I have to focus on serving them, so I don't have time for interviews. Maybe come back another day?" In that moment, Theo and I both freeze where we stand.

After my rebirth, I decided to draw a hard line between myself and the heir of the Mafia Family, Carlo Gutierrez. He had his golden retriever take my seat and told everyone I wasn't even fit to touch dog food at his party. After that, I never sat at the main table again. He complained that my voice was giving him a headache and got in the way of his business, so I muted myself in front of him. He sneered that I reeked, so I packed up and went back to my rundown apartment in the slums, never setting foot on his territory again. In the end, he said just having me around would ruin his marriage alliance with the Moreno Family's Principessa. I nodded, then accepted someone else's proposal without hesitation. I made the choices opposite to what I made in my last life. After I married him in my previous life, the Moreno Family's Principessa was killed in a shootout. Carlo concluded I was the culprit and threw me into the basement for torture before finally throwing my body into the sea. Later, when he saw me with another man, he confronted me with red eyes. "Rosa Shaw, you've had your fun. Come back with me, and I'll pretend none of this ever happened!"