Food Jokes Novels & Stories

"I'm a master at laundry and cooking, whether it's fast food, Japanese cuisine, or a French feast. What would you like to eat first? Marry me, and I guarantee you'll be blessed with delicious meals every day, Mr. Getson. So, will you marry me?""Sure!"After learning from the failure of her first marriage, Nancy only wanted an ordinary man to spend her life with during her second marriage. However, much to her surprise, her new husband, Yaacob, is revealed to be the primary heir to the country's most substantial fortune. When Nancy found out about this, her world turned upside down. Such wealth and privilege!After their marriage, Yaacob looked at the bland bowl of pasta before him and asked, "What happened to the French feast and Japanese cuisine you promised?"Hearing this, the woman in front of him swiftly untied her apron, raised one of her alluring legs, and casually sat on the table, "Would you prefer French cuisine, or me?"Yaacob, reminiscing about the previous night, replied, "You, of course!"

He was very angry. He was looking at me like he wants to either rape me or punch my face. "I can expla- " He cuts me off. "You have been a very very bad kitty. You have no idea what I've been through." His grip on my neck tighten suffocating my food pipe. "Strip." The word brought me out of the electric shock. "Wha- " "I m counting till 3 if you didn't, I'll tear your clothes off - 1." Is this really happening? "2." I thought he was gay. "3." --------------------------------------------------- Emara, 21 years old human who disguises herself as a man to get a job in a Multinational company. But little she did know ... 1. The boss is smoking hot. 2. He is not human. 3. She is his mate. What will happen when the Big Bad Wolf will meet his Mate? How will he react knowing his mate is a Guy, not a Girl? What will happen when the truth will flood out? Who will drown? Who will swim?

Braving a downpour, I delivered a lavish food order, anticipating the hefty commission and a $100 tip. Laughter suddenly echoed from the villa. Someone started, "He really believes your car crash left you paralyzed? He's hustling deliveries to support you and even pawned his dad's heirloom?" Another said, "What if he discovers you're actually a billionaire heiress, just playing poor? He'd probably break down in tears." Jessica Stark toyed with her wine glass. "Guys like him are wired to serve, especially since he always outshone Mark in our school days. This is his comeuppance." I stood in the relentless rain, a bitter chuckle escaping my lips. Turned out, her two-year charade of paralysis was merely to avenge her childhood sweetheart. Her broken legs, deceased parents, and helpless tears were all meticulously crafted lies. Disillusioned, I dialed my estranged tycoon mother. "You win. I'll go through with the arranged marriage."

When I was ten years old, I was kidnapped by some human traffickers, where I was sold to an old widow as her slave. She locked me up in a pig sty and had me solve all of my basic needs there, be it eating, drinking, or defecating. My life there was less than that of livestock. My parents never gave up on looking for me. They managed to save me when I was 17 years old. On the day I get reunited with them, my mom's eyes redden when she notices how skinny I've become. "Oh dear, just how much have you suffered, my child?" My dad just keeps slapping himself the whole time. "We're so sorry, Silas…" Even my younger brother reaches out, hoping to take me home. That's when I finally realize that I have a home now. In order to repay my family for their benevolence, I've laced their food with the most potent poison. That way, their deaths will be painless.

If hurting me was her aim she surely succeeded. She laughed thrilling at my silent anger. She knows I can do nothing even if I want to. I don't have a wolf and she knows it as she showed me her vicious claws. "Stand up," she ordered. Abandoning my food I scrambled up to my feet. "Very unattractive, I wonder how Krist thinks you are suitable for this job." She eyed me with disdain. I watched her pull out a blood dagger and handed it to me. Bewildered I took it. My eyes shooting a million questions at her. "Participating in the Bride Selection is just a tip in the ice," Amanda laughs enjoying my distress. "What matters is that you must kill the Alpha King Damien as soon as he marks you as his bride." I let the blood dagger fall to the ground in shock. They are sending me to kill the Alpha King Damien. Her words and her laughter rang through my thoughts. "...Kill the Alpha King Damien."

Chase Grimm's aide-de-camp sent me a screenshot of an Instagram Live status. Guess who it came from. His new secretary. She was showing off a meticulously prepared lunch from a lunchbox. My handiwork, no less. I made it for him. The caption read: [He's a dark, cold CEO… and a shiny knight who saved a hungry princess with a gastric problem from eating mac 'n' cheese again!] Chase almost never posted on Instagram. Yet there he was, sharing a photo of a cup of ridiculously spicy mac 'n' cheese, captioned: [I have missed this.] The nerve of this prick. Then my mother-in-law sent an entirely unsolicited text: [What the heck were you doing?! You're supposed to make him a proper lunch! He can't stand spicy food!] After all that, I decided to call a supermarket. "Hi! I'd like to order 100 cups of instant super-spicy mac 'n' cheese and have them delivered to Grimm Co. Please and thank you." "Ain't I generous?"

I spent ten years raising my stepson. Even though he never once called me 'Dad,' I never let him go without. Food, clothes, tuition, living expenses, I paid for everything. But on New Year's Eve, during the family reunion dinner, he suddenly spoke up in front of everyone. "Old man, I've got my eye on that apartment in the old district that's about to be demolished. Transfer it to me. I'll use it as my wedding house." I frowned. "That apartment is meant for your mother's retirement and your sister's education. Pick another development instead. I'll help cover the down payment." He slammed the table. "A down payment? That's nothing. "You want me to carry a mortgage at my age?" Then he looked me dead in the eye. "If you refuse to transfer the property, believe me, I'll make my mom divorce you." Instinctively, I turned to look at my wife beside me. But she only lowered her head in silence.

" I am pregnant," I said timidly caressing my flat belly hoping that he will be happy hearing the news. After all, he is going to be a father. He said chewing the food," Abort it." He said it so usually like it's the obvious thing to say at this situation. My eyes get watered immediately. I said crying," It's my first baby. I want to give birth to this baby." "I have told my decision already. You can never have my baby," He said finishing his food. " Why can't I have it? please, let me have it, I replied tightening my hold on my belly. He said banging his palm on the table," You will not listen like that." Saying that he dragged me towards the staircase and said creepily almost pushing me on the stairs," Just one push and the result will be same. Mistresses are for pleasure not for bearing children. So, don't forget your place." Warning - There are several mature content. If your are under 18 then don't read.

My husband, Noah Campbell, has only passed away for less than three months when my sister-in-law, Pamela Turner, starts urging me to move out. "It's not that I'm casting you out, Veronica. You see, Matthew wants to renovate your bedroom. I'm just worried that you might not have time to pack up your stuff when the time comes. "Besides, Noah is no longer around. It's inappropriate for you to continue living in an apartment that belongs to your in-laws, you know?" My mother-in-law pauses mid-bite, pretending she didn't hear a word Pamela said. Meanwhile, Matthew Campbell, Pamela's husband, continues munching on his food silently. Upon noticing that I never replied to her, Pamela adds, "Don't overthink it, Veronica. I don't want the outsiders gossiping about you, you know." Only then do I look up at her with a smile. "Thank you for your concern, Pamela. But I'm not scared of a bit of gossip." After all, I'm the owner of this apartment.

On my fifth birthday with Zachary Murdock, I sit once again in front of a full table of cold food, just like every year before. Zachary had promised, as always, to spend the day with me. And, as always, he breaks that promise. This year, it's because his childhood sweetheart wanted to shoot a set of "artistic photos". She invited him and a few of his close buddies to be part of it. Without hesitation, he ditches me again and runs straight into her arms. At 11:00 pm, his childhood sweetheart posts a photo to her social media and sets it so that only I can see it. In the picture, four men are in nothing but black briefs and Windsor-knotted ties. They kneel around her while she is draped in sheer fabric like a goddess. The caption reads, "Some people beg for crumbs, but I own the entire bakery." I take a screenshot. Then, I send it to the girlfriends of all three of Zachary’s best buddies. If they all look down on me this much, let's hope they don't end up on their knees begging me someday.