Food Jokes

So… He was naked. And my back was a little bit sore? I couldn't freak out, I had to stay cool. There was no way he'd touch me, because he swore that he wouldn't… We didn't do anything… Correct, or… “Did we?” I muttered under my breath, breathing slowly yet unsteadily as my chest rose and fell. He scoffed. “Now don't play coy, after all…you were the one begging for it.” He said, as he leaned in... ---------- Erica is being asked by Denise, the daughter of the Elder she worked for as a maid, to sleep with Alpha Rowen, the Alpha of the Blood Moon Lycans Pack, in exchange for her mother's freedom trading her virginity in the process as Alpha Rowen only wanted a virgin mate…and giving Erica to him while under the influence of the drug she had prepared, Denise was sure to take her place on the red stained bedsheet. But the Alpha is not the kind that can be fooled by drugged food and drinks, though he still has to marry Denise for the sake of his reputation, he also goes ahead to make Erica his… But it doesn't end there…now that Denise is poisoned and Erica is accused of attempted murder, what would be the outcome of her fate after her execution? Being reborn in one Natasha's body, Erica is given a second chance to live again…she meets her new mates, the hot Triplet Alphas and is happy to live a new life of love, thinking the moon goddess had blessed her enough… What actually changed was her, and not the world, there was still Denise, and everyone that had betrayed her in her past life… Will she go ahead to live as Natasha? Or would the opposite be the case?

The day my birth parents found me, the reunion banquet they threw turned into their funeral. My parents and their adopted daughter, Leila, died of food poisoning that night. The only one who survived was my older brother, Alpha Kian. He didn’t like sweets, so he never touched the cake. The cake that I handed to them myself. “So you want to take Leila’s place. “You’re just jealous because she got all our love! “She was the only one who ever accepted you, and you still killed her!” Those were Kian’s exact words as he shouted at me right outside the hospital room. From that day on, I became a sinner. To make up for it, I barely slept four hours a night and worked five jobs just to buy back the villa the rival pack seized during the chaos. However, the day I finally saved up enough, I saw my dead parents throwing a birthday party for Leila in that very villa. Kian stood among them, looking at her with a warmth I didn’t recognize. My mother said, “Isn’t today also Lily’s birthday? It’s been eight years. Maybe it’s time to forgive her.” However, Kian didn’t hesitate to refuse. “No. Even though Leila sniffed out the wolfsbane and saved you, we agreed that Lily gets ten years. “We can’t risk her ever trying to poison Leila again. Not even a day less.” I clutched the diagnosis paper from the clinic tightly and laughed through my tears. I knew I wouldn’t get to ten years. I was already dying.

To help my sterile Alpha mate Marcus Blackwood conceive an heir, I had used many hormone injections. My belly was covered with purple bruise marks from all the needle punctures. But after our son Connor was born, he was very weak and even ran much slower than the other pups. Marcus looked at Conner coldly and snarled at me, "It's all your rotten bloodline! You've brought shame to the Blackwood pack!" Later, he held his mistress Scarlett's pup—a three-year-old pup who was strong enough to beat an eight-year-old pup—and publicly rewarded Scarlett with a new Porsche. But when my five-year-old Connor accidentally knocked over his milk, Marcus kicked him in the chest and called him worthless. He even locked my son, who was afraid of the dark, alone in the drafty woodshed at the countryside estate during winter. Every day, Connor got only one bowl of spoiled food, until he starved to death. When I found Connor, his small body was already ice-cold, still clutching the family portrait I had drawn for him in his little hands. After that, Marcus tortured me to death. When I opened my eyes again, I was back at our engagement party. Marcus publicly took Scarlett's hand in front of everyone. "I’m breaking off my engagement with Hazel Whitmore! She is just a foolish she-wolf who can only birth idiots! Scarlett is the one I love!" I realized that he was also reborn. He wanted to humiliate me in front of everyone again. But he didn't know that without my exclusive genetic healing technology, he would remain childless for this entire lifetime.

She underwent a death experience—at the hands of the family she cared for most, who then sold her off. At eight years old, Seraphina Valeza was adopted from an orphanage by the Hawthorne family, a run-down third-rate family in Lunada City. She lived for fifteen years there, always careful, thankful for a house that was not her home. She was an excellent student, kept her sufferings to herself, and obeyed them in return for their "kindness." When the Hawthorne family was on the verge of bankruptcy, they chose survival over conscience. Seraphina was forced to marry Julian Moreau, the heir of a second-rate elite family. The marriage was hell. Behind closed doors, Julian humiliated her, controlled her every move, and crushed her dignity. In public, she was paraded as a trophy wife; in private, she was nothing more than a disposable tool. Once Julian seized full control of the Hawthorne family, Seraphina lost even her last value. With no way out, she resorted to suicide. But destiny wanted otherwise and gave her another chance. She found herself in the same spot as she was on the day of her marriage. This time she did neither crying nor begging. Instead, she smiled and switched the groom. In front of stunned guests, Seraphina walked past Julian and stopped before a man sitting casually at the banquet table, dressed out of place and enjoying the food as if the wedding had nothing to do with him. Lucien Cross. The annoying guy she constantly quarreled with in college. The man who cried while carrying her dying body in her past life. The one whose love she came to realize onlqy when it was too late. This time, Seraphina will not let him go. And all those who wronged her will be punished, without exception.

My in-laws, who have flown back to the country for the Christmas holidays, visit my home on Christmas Eve for dinner. But Selena Collins, the housekeeper, has only prepared two plates of cold shrimp ravioli despite the fact that I've specifically reminded her about my mother-in-law, Lora Fischer's allergy to shrimps. Selena just tells me in a stoic manner, "Mrs. Peterson, I know that you country bumpkins love taking advantage of everything. So, I completely understand that your parents want to mooch off a meal from the Peterson family during the holidays. "But as Mr. Peterson's most caring housekeeper, I have the right to protect the Petersons' assets from getting leeched by outsiders. Yes, this includes a regular meal. "Then again, I have a heart of gold, you see. I won't starve the elders at all. These are leftover shrimp ravioli from last year. Your parents should hurry up and leave after polishing the ravioli off. "Mr. Peterson is very busy with his work. I can't let him deal with your impoverished parents after getting home from a stressful day at work." I'm stunned at first, but I soon realize that Selena has mistaken my in-laws for my parents. She's purposefully causing me trouble as always. I'm about to explain the truth to Selena when I see my enraged in-laws turning to leave. But Selena wastes no time in calling the bodyguards over to stop them. "I completely understand that country bumpkins like you two have poor character, but wasting food is a really bad trait. "Since the shrimp ravioli is already prepared for you, please finish them all before leaving."

On New Year's Eve, my in-laws, Richard Prescott and Leona Reed, had flown back to have dinner at my place. However, our butler, Rupert Williams, had only prepared two plates of cold lobster rolls even though I had specifically reminded him that Leona was allergic to lobster. Rupert looked at me with his usual stiff expression and said, "Mr. Shaw, I understand that people from your background like to take advantage of situations. Your parents showing up for a free holiday meal doesn't surprise me." He added, "But as Ms. Jaclyn Prescott's most trusted butler, I have a duty to protect the Prescott family assets from being touched by questionable individuals, even if it's just a dinner. That said, I'm not heartless enough to let two elderly people go hungry. "Here are some leftover expired lobster rolls. Your parents can eat them and leave. Ms. Prescott is very busy with work, and I can't have her come home later only to deal with your poor parents." I froze for a moment, then realized he had mistaken Jaclyn's parents for mine. He was deliberately trying to humiliate me like he always did. I was about to explain when Richard and Leona, furious, turned to leave. However, Rupert called for the security guards to block their way. "I can understand that people from rural areas might lack proper manners, but wasting food is still a bad habit. Since the lobster rolls have already been prepared, I insist you finish them before you go."

The day before our engagement, Stellan Graves came shopping with me, but his mind was clearly elsewhere. I bought a chili dog from a street stall and held it up to his mouth only for him to swat it out of my hand, sending it flying to the ground. Fury flashed across his face as he snapped, "Ivy Stein, the Graves family needs a woman who can actually show her face in public. Stop buying cheap trash like this. You're embarrassing me. How do you expect my parents to accept you like this?" I picked up the food in humiliation, threw it into the trash, and nodded meekly for the sake of our four years together in college. "As you wish." … However, the very next day, he switched his fiancee to Amelia Lane. "Ivy, Amelia tried to kill herself just to marry me. She's in the hospital now. Once she's stable again, I'll come back and marry you." Four years later, he showed up at my tiny apartment with a diamond ring in hand. "Ivy, Amelia has already agreed to divorce me. We can finally be together. I told you before—once Amelia lets go of her obsession with me and stops hurting herself, I'll come and marry you." I frowned at Stellan's so-called heartfelt expression. I must have had terrible luck that day. Who'd have thought I'd run into this wacko when I'd come back to my place on a whim?! "Move," I demanded, shoving him out the door. "You're blocking the way. I need to pick up my kid from school."

A 20-year old guy, Lucas Monreal, has to cope with the hardship and trials in life after being abused, failed, and accused of a crime he did not commit when he was 18. He had a dark experience with women, which caused him to develop gynophobia (fear of women). Wanting to help a needy family, he ventured to Manila and worked in different fast food restaurants as part time. Until he met a regular customer, Mike, who took him as an office staff member of his company. In Manila, Lucas met Nathaniel de Guzman, 25 years old, a man who, little did he know, was a policeman who volunteered to spy on him due to the allegations of his ex-girlfriend’s family. According to their accusation, Lucas raped the woman, causing her insanity. As the investigation progressed, the young policeman confirmed that Lucas was innocent. In fact, he is the victim. The guy had trauma whenever he attempted a sexual scenario. He suddenly gets scared and ends up fainting. His affection for him grew exponentially, and he soon fell in love with the young man, Lucas. Nathaniel has a muscular body and is handsome, so he can attract women at a glance... and even a guy like him couldn’t resist him. This triggered Lucas’ identity crisis, questioning himself why he felt it for him. To help each other, Nathaniel proposed a sex adventure, a process to find out what their sexual orientation really is. Sex adventure confirmed that they are of the third sex — or, as it is more commonly known, LGBTQ — among bisexuals. The adventure also clarified their feelings towards each other. So in the end, they will stand together to reveal what really happened and to bring justice to both victims. Sydney and Lucas.

"Do you still have a boyfriend?" He asked with a mocking tone. "I thought that ship sailed already. I do not bite Sunflower. The last time we spoke, you said you like what you see." Simon said standing up. He went over to her, shifted her food aside and sat on the same spot. "The only excuse you gave for not wanting to feel what I have to offer, was your boyfriend. Is the excuse still valid?" He asked with a sensual smile touching her cheeks gently with the pad of his thumb while the other hand found his newly discovered spot, the crease of her ears. "Imagine the level of pleasure I would give you. I am a very patient man when it comes to my desires and I am not greedy as well. Your pleasure, would be my pleasure." He reassured her with a smile. He got down from the table and walked over to her, standing behind her. Slowly, he sucked on her neck. "Mmm," came the suppressed moan from Paige with her eyes shut. "Shhhh, you don't want to disturb the people behind those doors." He said. Money was top of Paige Patterson's priority list while Love didn't even make it to the list. There were too many bills to pay and a childhood memory to secure. The Kentleys seemed to be her only hope to financial freedom but the price was way too much for her. With Simon Kentley, she would be able to sort out all her needs but would she be able to sort any of his? Other Books By The Author. •You Are Mine For Keeps •Loved By A Real Man

All the relatives knew I had a "backward cousin." For my birthday, she gave me a grocery-store pound cake. When I ran a marathon, she presented me with a pair of worn-out canvas sneakers. At my graduate school acceptance party, she even sent a funeral wreath of white lilies with a sash that read "In Sympathy," wishing me an early departure to the afterlife. In my previous life, I slapped her so hard she tumbled down the porch steps. My brother took her side and plotted revenge, falsely reporting to the university that I had cheated on my SATs. My admission was revoked. "You're so modern. You know how things work," he sneered. "Plenty of people take a gap year. Just apply again." My father also defended her, cutting off all my financial support. "You've had so much schooling. You're so educated," he said coldly. "Support yourself." Alone in a city eighteen hundred miles from home, I fought to survive. I called my brother and my father again and again—only to be blocked. I delivered food while renting a room and studying to reapply. At my lowest, my hands were raw and cracked from frostbite, scrambling for delivery shifts at four in the morning just to earn a small bonus. Worn down by the cold and exhaustion, I suffered cardiac arrest at twenty-three and collapsed in a snowdrift in that unfamiliar city. No one ever came to claim me. This time, I chose to let it go and accepted the wreath with a gracious smile. To fully integrate myself into this family. After all, what is a moment of pride compared to a lifetime's inheritance?