Fucked Up Jokes

What if you really were transported to a fantasy world and expected to kill monsters to survive?No special abilities, no OP weapons, no status screen to boost your stats. Never mind finding the dragon's treasure or defeating the Demon Lord, you only need to worry about one thing: how to stay alive.All the people summoned form parties and set off on their adventures, leaving behind the people who nobody wants in their group.Story of my life, thinks Colin.

A contract that could change their lives forever. Ethan, an arrogant man who doesn't care about anything other than the amount of zeros in his bank account, or about having delirious nights of pure pleasure that never came out of it. He wasn't always like this, but he became so after discovering a betrayal from the one he least expected and that marked his life forever. His ghosts come back to haunt him, and his only option was a sham engagement. But not with just any woman, but with her; the most beautiful and fucking sexy of all he had ever seen in his life. It was supposed to be just a contract, a month and nothing more, they just didn't expect with fate that was going to turn that simple agreement into a delicious game of seduction. Camilla is no ordinary girl, not by a long shot. As the master of herself and of her own destiny, she does not bow her head to anyone and is fully aware of the power she holds in her hands. Despite her young girl's face, her body shows what a fucked up woman she is. A woman who gets an "A" in the art of seduction. "Amid the flames of desire, the biggest challenge is not to allow the fire of passion to be born.” Follow me on Instagram: aqueen-aheroine

“You think I'd stoop so low to fuck servants like you do?" He yelled— Oh, but he did! Hear me out, Thane Moneau, an enigmatic billionaire, gets tangled up with Lena Hayes, a charming, love-hungry young lady who asks for nothing but to be loved. She's sent to prison for a crime she knew nothing about by her husband, and that was where she'd met Thane; her prison bully. She was released ten months after to find her step sister, Mira, had taken over her marriage. With nowhere else to go after signing the divorce papers, she returned to her father's house only for the heartless man to sell her off as a maid. There again, her world and Thane's collided as her boss was Thane's irresponsible father. Not long after, Mr Moneau senior was killed and Thane was nowhere to be found. Soon, she discovered Thane is actually a ruthless billionaire, and numerous questions filled her mind. How had such a rich man ended up in the kind of dirty prison where she was? Why did he go undercover? And how on earth was he so rich but his father lived in an average house and fucked whores for a living? Also, what happens when Lena goes from being a wife to Adrian Devonshire, to a maid for an old man, then the personal maid to Thane who hates her guts? Will things get worse or will she thrive when unforeseen circumstances force her to get married to the ruthless, arrogant billionaire, Thane Moneau?

Prisca, alias Prisca Ese Gideon, is a fast-rising diva who gets into trouble after photos and videos of herself being intimate with her boyfriend gets leaked on the internet. Her fame and success in the music industry begins to crumble. Her family dissociates from her, she loses many big money endorsement deals, and worse of all, she loses her fan base. The public now sees her as a sex object, making fun and dirty jokes about her. Due to these actions, she isolates herself from the public, vowing to herself never to speak to anyone or have a personal relationship with any person in particular. Months after her rock-bottom escapades, she finds love in the hands of a die-hard fan, Diri, who helps her get back at her boyfriend, Clem (sound engineer of S.K. records, the same record label Prisca was signed into) and helps her get over her rock bottom experiences.

If these three months pass and I don't shed a single tear because of you, Chris... you will apologize to me and my family at the door of our home in my city, on both knees in our neighborhood! His eyes narrowed and shone intensely, only seconds until he came towards me and I was still leaning on the door, he stood right in front of me and raised my chin with his left hand.. He forced me to stare at him and said coldly: I apologize to you?? you ?! I have heard many jokes in my life..but a funny joke like this..I have never heard of it..this was what our agreement stipulated before I threw myself into his world, but events took another turn that I did not expect..who are you!! Which one of them would you be? What is the nature of your colorful world?! Rather, the most important.. What is my fault in all these intertwining and where fate takes me?

Lisa Knox The day I caught my husband and my sister having sex on the bed while my son had drowned in the pool was the day I made my decision and stood by it. Nothing was going to make me stay in this five years marriage. So, I took the divorce papers, signed it and left everything behind. Including the wealth and company I Inherited from my late dad. I had handed everything in my life over to him when I was blinded by love. Now, I vowed as I stepped out to get back everything until my sister and my ex husband are reduced to nothing. * Andrew McCarthy The day before my wedding, I had caught my first love and wife-to-be getting fucked by my PA in the study room. I had said nothing and simply went out to drink, completely hopeless for love. There I met her, a beautiful young lady whom I could use for the night. The sex had been good but that was about it. I cancelled the wedding when I got a call to come back home and take up the responsibility of a father, to adopt my niece because my twin brother had just been murdered. Five years later, everything is in chaos and I need a woman who is experienced in raising children who will stay. So when I met that lady from the one night stand again, I made up my mind to have her for myself. She would be my wife and would raise my daughter, no matter what.

Elizabeth Kennedy, an orphan who doesn’t want anything but a normal life. She wants a quiet life away from all the complicated fucked up, scheming life that others live. She doesn’t have money, friends, and family to call her own. A lone girl making her living with a part-time job and all the odd jobs she can to make money. Supporting herself is tiring sometimes but she has no other options. She just wants to complete her college and find a decent job to make life easier. She is a simple girl with a difficult life until she meets him. Christian Ford is a billionaire who can get everything he wants with just one word. People respect him, fear him, scheme around him but can never take advantage of him. He lives a carefree life. He never has such feelings until he meets Elizabeth. Something in her attracts him, and her blue eyes capture his heart. He is pulled towards her unconsciously. He decides then and there that he will make her his. But the question is that he has a secret. Will Elizabeth accept his Darkside and be willing to be with him? Somehow, Elizabeth ends up tangled in all the scheming, dangers because of Christian. She tries to escape; he finds her every time. Will she survive all the hardship and get together with Christian? Can Christian protect Lisa and make her his? Will Lisa be able to escape from his clutch? Or will she fall for him? Let 's read and find the answers.

Aku duduk sendirian di meja makan, tepat di hari ulang tahun pernikahan kami yang ke-7. Ponselku tiba-tiba berdering. Di layar kunci telepon, ada dua notifikasi pesan masuk yang masih belum terbaca. Pesan pertama datang dari Riki, dia bilang kalau dia harus lembur di kantor malam ini. Sementara pesan yang satu lagi datang dari nomor tidak dikenal. [Pak Riki sungguh luar biasa. Kakak sanggup mengatasinya?] Ada satu foto yang ikut dikirimkan dalam pesan tersebut. Foto itu menampilkan sepasang pria dan wanita yang sedang bercumbu mesra. Aku pun meniup lilin kue ulang tahun pernikahan kami sambil menutup mata dengan penuh kelelahan. [Ayo kita cerai.] Aku mengirimkan pesan balasan ke Riki.

Anaya Grace Santillan was a woman deprived of a complete family. Her mother died when she was twelve years old, and her father quickly remarried. She learned early to work hard to survive and finance her college education. She thought her suffering at the hands of her stepmother and father would end after graduation, but she was wrong. After finishing her studies, her father forced her into a marriage with a man she didn't love to settle his and her stepmother's debts. But what if, on her wedding day, she chose instead the man who arrived last at the hotel and pulled him before the altar? Before the man could speak, she demanded he sign the marriage contract so she could escape her torment. Aurelius Kael Quinn Gutierrez, the only child of the Gutierrez family—Asia's wealthiest and most prominent business magnates—owns various companies and will inherit his parents' empire. He never expected to be powerless against the woman who insisted on marrying him, despite her family problems. Nevertheless, he's prepared to be her bodyguard, sugar daddy, and even stalker to ensure her safety. But what if, due to a misunderstanding, she hides their child from him? "Will love and effort be enough when the heart dictates the person you choose?" author by Jelly-Gel

ASTRID SAGE Everyone calls me naive and innocent, and in every way, I am. When I took a fancy in peering at FREDERICK SALVATORE each time he stopped by the orphanage to drop off his donation, it was just out of mere curiosity. I find him fascinating and alluring, like a piece of art. But when I get kidnapped and put up for auction, he's in the crowd of the deadliest people I've ever seen. He put the craziest bid on me and I get to find out that his name isn't FREDRICK SALVATORE. He's the notorious EAGAN KING and this is his world. Now I understand why he has that unexplainable dark aura around him. Is it possible to find him less fascinating now that I know what he's truly like? EAGAN KING A monster. A killer. A sociopath. A greedy-ass bastard. The devil. Everyone has different names for me, and they're right. I'm all of that and more. I wanna own this hell and rule these bastards. I wanna own LOVE ISLAND CITY. But to own it, I have to kill the real owner. Seven families are topping the hierarchy. I've killed three, I'm left with four. I attend this auction event to figure out the weaknesses of my next target. And then there she is, looking very virgin-ish and fucking innocent, standing on the auction ground with fear in her eyes. Bidding her was not part of my plan. But I'll be fucked up if I let these motherfuckers have her. (Warning: this is a dark romance, not for the faint-hearted. Read at your own risk and please, no criticisms.)