Fucked Up Jokes

"Vaxel Jericho, do you take Clarissa Vicente to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in matrimony?" The priest asked. He bends to her ear, his face showing nothing but hate. "I vow to live together in hate, making you spend the rest of your life in agony and pain, and making you pay for the sins of your mother" he whispered to her ear. "To love her, to comfort her, to honor her and to cherish her?" "To hate you, punish you, to break you and get you fucked up" "In good health and in sickness, forsaking all others, until death do you part”? The priest asked. "In depression and in sickness, through tears and even at death we part not" his vows whisper to the ears of his bride. Fear written all over her face, she let the tear drop. This was just the beginning. ~~~ The war between both families, Vicente's and Jericho's, had started years before the heir's were born. Both families would never be seen in the same place at the same time, the mere mention of the name was a problem and caused a rise of anger. But something crazy happens and the heir and heiress of both families fall in love, as they say love happens. Falling in love was a crime and when both families find out about the little love affair between Vaxel and Clarissa the two are separated. Five years later, an accident occurs in Vaxel's welcome party, an accident that forces him to do the forbidden thing. He forcefully marries Clarissa in order to make her pay for the sin she never committed. The sins of her mother.

Aku pergi menonton konser penyanyi favoritku sendirian. Saat sesi permintaan lagu, aku sangat gembira, berdoa semoga aku menjadi penonton yang beruntung. Namun detik berikutnya, suamiku yang sedang dalam perjalanan bisnis muncul di layar lebar dan di sebelahnya adalah cinta pertamanya, Desi Maulanda. “Aku ingin meminta lagu ‘Kembali ke Masa Lalu’, kembali ke tiga tahun lalu, Martin Sutanto tidak akan pernah putus dengan Desi.” Seluruh penonton bersorak, merayakan cinta mereka. Hanya aku yang menangis. Saat sesi permintaan lagu berikutnya, aku melihat wajahku yang berlinang air mata muncul di layar lebar. “Aku juga akan meminta lagi ‘Kembali ke Masa Lalu’, kembali ke masa lalu aku tidak akan pernah menerima lamaran Martin.”

The story of 'EVERY WOMAN CANNOT BE PRETTY' is a message to millions of women around the world who feel inferior due to their average looks that ‘ Beauty is not in the face alone.’ The protagonist in this story, Sarah Liam suffers from PCOS ( Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) with side effects of being obese, acne prone and having more than normal hair growth on face and body. To top it she is short in height and has a prominent mole on her chin. In all, she is not what one can call “pretty”. Her husband wants to use her as a sex toy, her best friend betrays her trust by sleeping with her husband. Faced with treachery by loved ones, shunned by many, at the brunt of the unkindest of jokes, the story shows how Sarah manages to rise like a Phoenix, hold her head high and eke revenge on the people who have cheated her, solely with the strength of her talent and grit. But with her flawed appearance, will she ever find true love? Can she ever aspire to marry a handsome man or will she have to settle for someone similarly flawed? Read on..

Tepat memasuki tahun ketujuh pernikahanku dengan Hans, cinta pertamanya, yaitu Yeni kembali dari luar negeri. Kini aku baru sadar bahwa Hans hanya menganggapku sebagai pengganti selama ini. Pada hari aku mengurus prosedur perceraian, aku juga memesan tiket kereta api. Satu-satunya anak yang kukhawatirkan, justru bersorak kegirangan. "Berarti Tante Yeni sekarang bisa menikah dengan ayah dan menjadi ibuku?" Anak ini memiliki selera wanita yang sama dengan ayahnya. Aku mengemasi barang-barang tanpa ragu, lalu pergi dari rumah. Tiga bulan kemudian, aku dan putriku tidak sengaja bertemu lagi dengan ayah dan saudaranya. Putriku bertanya dengan bingung, "Bu, kenapa anak laki-laki itu terus menatap ibu sambil menangis?" Aku menggandeng putriku dan langsung berbalik pergi. "Entahlah, ibu nggak kenal."

Tepat di hari peringatan 30 tahun pernikahan kami, suamiku masih dalam perjalanan dinas. Makanan di meja sudah dingin. Di tengah aku masih menunggu kedatangannya, aku menerima notifikasi suamiku reservasi hotel. "Aku masih dinas, bukankah wajar aku menginap di hotel?" Suamiku masih merahasiakan, lalu aku meminta bukti video darinya, tetapi dia tidak membalas pesanku lama. Putraku menyeletuk, "Bu, jangan bertingkah berlebihan. Bukankah Ayah bekerja keras juga untuk kita berdua?" Semua orang menganggap aku adalah ibu rumah tangga yang bahagia karena memiliki suami yang perhatian dan putraku memiliki karier yang sukses. Namun, ketika aku menerima notifikasi reservasi hotel, seketika aku merasa muak. Mereka mengira aku tidak tahu apa-apa. Aku ingin bercerai. Semua pengorbananku selama 30 tahun ini ternyata tidak dihargai. "Kamu bukan anak kecil lagi, berhentilah membuat keributan!" Suamiku memohon agar kami tidak bercerai. Dalam perjalanan pulang di tengah malam, suamiku mengalami kecelakaan mobil. Putraku marah dan mengatakan bahwa aku tidak becus menjadi istri maupun ibu. Melihat anakku emosi dan suamiku yang pura-pura terbaring lemah di ranjang, aku mencibir dalam hati. Kalau kamu suka pura-pura sakit, aku akan membuatmu lumpuh selamanya!'

Lucia I'd lost my parents at a young age, been tossed from one abusive chaotic home to the other until I'd finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and had run away. Only running away had made it worse. **** I'd been stripped to almost nothing because of my stubbornness. My upper body was left uncovered and my breasts were on display, though that was the least of my problems. A tear escaped my eyes then and I watched it fall down to my chest and slide down my exposed breast. I turned to wipe my face with my arm but it barely worked. I was hot and sweaty. My eyes went back to the crowd and my gaze fell on someone sitting at the back. For a second, I forgot how my lungs worked. Bruno Inheriting a ruthless top mafia gang at a very young age did a lot of damage to someone. It certainly did a whole lot of damage to me. Fucked me up so bad I could no longer tell what was right from what was wrong. I didn't give a flying fuck what anyone thought about it. It was who I was now and there was no going back. At least that was what I'd thought. Seeing her up there, hands tied above her head as she waited for whatever asshole was going to buy her at the auction caused some kind of reaction in me. It was enough to tell me that I should probably let someone else buy her so she could be their problem. Unfortunately I'd never been one to stop myself from making a wrong decision. So I bought her anyway. And who would have guessed? She turned out to be the best decision I'd ever made.

Roxanne Rowan is a spiritual news editor. After an accident in the year twenty-two, Roxanne Rowan was able to see ghosts. She goes around trying to find a way to solve this ability. Her fear of ghosts makes her taciturn and closed off. During an encounter with evil spirits, Roxanne met Egan Griffith, the demon employee of hell. He has the task of catching the demons that are causing trouble in the living world to bring them to hell and punish them. According to the orders of the spirit world, if Roxanne wants to break the ability to see ghosts in her eyes, she must cooperate with Egan to catch the devil spirits. The contract is signed and many bad jokes happen. Roxanne's fate and secret are also revealed. She also realizes that demons come in two forms: disrupting people in the living world and trying to earn money in order to survive like a normal person. Every night, Roxanne has to lie in bed waiting for Egan to finish processing the documents for the company. She doesn’t think from an unequal partnership to rolling in bed so close together.

*Adult Content Alert * She was in heat. She tried to endure it, but there was no denying it—this was not something an Alpha endured alone. She sent for her Betas. Selene bared her teeth. “Don’t stand there. Come here.” They obeyed instantly. She shoved Kade back onto the bed, climbing astride him before he could even speak. His cock was thick, already slick at the tip, and she didn’t bother with teasing. She lined herself up and sank down in one brutal motion, gasping as she stretched wide around him. Kade roared, his hands gripping her thighs, driving up into her with the force of a man starved. Lucian didn’t wait. He knelt behind her, his tongue sliding along the crack of her ass, teasing, taunting. Selene’s cry broke, body jerking at the double assault. Kade fucked her from below, every thrust deep and punishing, while Lucian licked and kissed her most forbidden places until she was shaking. “Take them,” her wolf snarled inside her. “Take everything.” She leaned forward, slamming her mouth onto Kade’s again, tasting blood where his teeth had cut her lip. Behind her, Lucian’s fingers pressed inside, slick and insistent, stretching her until she whimpered. The heat was unbearable, drowning, consuming. “Now,” she growled, breaking the kiss, her eyes blazing silver. “Both. Now.” Kade’s eyes widened, dark and wild. “Alpha—” “Do it,” she snapped. “Obey me.” Lucian’s chuckle was low, wicked. “With pleasure.” He pressed against her from behind.... She grabbed Kade’s chest, bracing herself as Lucian pushed forward, slow at first, then harder, until with a shuddering cry she took him inside. The world shattered. Two cocks filled her at once, stretching her, owning her, claiming her in a way that was savage and absolute.

I thought I was just a broke college girl with a traumatic past and too many cigarettes. I didn’t know I was born to lead a pack. I didn’t know I was being hunted. On the night of my twenty-fourth birthday, everything changed. One second I was at a club, pretending life didn’t suck. The next, I was being dragged out by a stranger with ocean-blue eyes, thrown into a black SUV, and told I was a werewolf. Apparently, I’m not just any werewolf—I’m the heir to a powerful bloodline, the only survivor of a massacre, and the center of a prophecy that could bring down one of the darkest witches in history. Now I’m stuck in a mansion full of secrets, locked behind doors I didn’t ask for, and shadowed by an Alpha who looks at me like I’m everything he’s ever wanted—and everything he’s not allowed to have. They say I belong here. They say I have power. But I didn’t ask for a bond I don’t understand, a fate I don’t believe in, or a love that might just break me.

After transmigrating into the apocalypse, he acquired a Super Fusion System.Two Level 1 Zombies can be combined into a single Level 2 Zombie, the combined zombie would also be completely loyal.The higher the zombie’s level, the better it looked.The zombies also possessed unique skills and techniques. Some are heaven shattering and groundbreaking, with the ability to take the life of any adversary.In fact, the zombies will even continue to spawn new zombies every day.