Funniest Squidward Moments Novels & Stories

In his bid for perpetual life, the first Don of the Bryant family annihilates the witch clan and violently takes possession of their most sacred relic. In the moments before her death, the head of the witch clan places a curse on every descendant of the Bryant family. Every descendant will suffer a sudden mutation at the age of 23, where their bodies would be covered in thick, black hair, and fangs would sprout from their mouths, turning them into monsters. They can only lift the curse if they marry a descendant of the witches. Ella Crawford—my sister—and I are the last remaining descendants of the witch clan in the human realm. In my past life, Oliver's lottery selection fell on the attractive Ella. I was aware that Ella lacked the power to lift the curse, so I secretly swapped the lots, and Oliver ended up married to me. In the end, during our wedding night, Ella set herself alight, proclaiming that she had lost her eternal love and didn't want to face life without him. As a result, Mom and Dad drove me out. Oliver, however, took me in and showered me with affection. It wasn't long before I conceived his child, and he successfully survived his 23rd birthday. Yet, barely a day later, Oliver pushed me into the fire pit. I pleaded with tears streaming down my face, "I freed you from the curse and am currently carrying your baby, Oliver, so please don't treat me like this!" Oliver merely responded with a malicious grin as he tossed the torch aside. "If it weren't for your interference, Ella would have lifted the curse for me! I would have been able to spend the rest of my life with her, Cynthia!" In the end, I was completely consumed by the flames. I suddenly open my eyes and find myself returning to the day Oliver chooses his bride by lot. I immediately snap the tampered lot, as I'm eager to find out how Ella will save Oliver without any witch powers in this life.

All my life, I have been trapped in the shadow of my sister, Selene. She was the Silver Moon Pack's Daughter of Moonlight, blessed by the Moon Goddess, the prize every Alpha coveted. What she didn't know was that this time, I had been blessed as well. I was reborn on the night of my mating ceremony. Just as in my past life, she smiled that harmless smile, insisting on giving me the first choice of a mate, maintaining her perfect facade of a generous and doting sister in front of everyone. This time, however, I wouldn't give her the chance. In my last life, I genuinely believed she had my best interests at heart. I foolishly gave her the first choice and chose Alpha Damien of the Black Forest Pack, a man who suffered from Moon Sickness, sending him into frequent, uncontrollable rages. I gave up my birthright within the pack and became the balm for his violent wolf, staying by his side every moment like a full-time caretaker, even though he never offered me a single ounce of a mate's affection. It was not until a Rogue wolf attacked during the celebration for Selene's heir that he attempted to use dark magic to steal her unborn pup's spirit. In that instant, the Alpha who everyone believed had been lost to madness for years was suddenly lucid. He lunged forward to protect Selene, but in his haste, he accidentally pulled me into the path of the dark magic. The spell struck me instead, crippling my wolf spirit. Only then did I finally understand. He had never truly suffered from Moon Sickness. His pack had never seen him as a discarded monster. He had feigned madness only because he knew he could never have Selene's love and refused to bond with anyone but her. In my final moments, he apologized to me. "Forgive me, Elara." "I could never let anything happen to Selene. I'll repay you in my next life." When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the night our father ordered us to choose our destined mates. This time, they were the ones begging for my love.

When my adopted sister, Alayna Ewing, hears that I'm with pup, she specifically gives me the body oil she's made. I accept it with a smile on my face. But later on, I smear the oil all over the belly of the old lady next door, who's diagnosed with a uterine tumor. After all, I have gotten reborn on this very day. In my past life, Alayna had formed a mate bond with Misael Finch, the Alpha of the Darkspire pack. She desperately needed to bear an heir for Alpha Misael in order to strengthen her position as the Luna. Unfortunately, her being an Omega meant that it'd be very difficult for her to conceive. So, she hatched a scheme against me, a newly pregnant she-wolf. Alayna bribed a dark sorcerer to cast a surrogate pregnancy curse on me. As long as I smelled something that she made, the pup in my womb would be transferred into her womb instantly. I spent entire pregnancies caring for my pup meticulously. I even endured the pain of countless shots in order to keep my pup safe. But whenever I was about to give birth, my pup would still end up disappearing. Alayna, on the other hand, gave birth to three heirs who inherited powerful bloodlines from their father. Thanks to that, her position as the Luna was greatly strengthened, and she got to live a lavish and comfortable life. In the end, Alayna had slandered me by claiming that I was overcome by lust during my pregnancy, so I ended up having passionate moments with Rogues. That was how I lost my pup every single time. With my reputation in tatters, I was exiled from the pack and forced to live the remainder of my days as a Rogue. In the end, I froze to death in winter. Now that I'm reborn, I shall grant Alayna her wish, seeing as she really wants an heir of her own. The healers have mentioned that it's their first time seeing such a huge uterine tumor, after all. Oh, I can't imagine what sort of expression Alayna will wear when she finds out that she's given birth to such a big tumor!

Moments before my Mating Ceremony, the guards shoved me from the altar. I watched, paralyzed, as another she-wolf in a pristine white gown took my place. My mate, Beta Seth, didn't even flinch. He took her hand—the hand of his childhood sweetheart, Brielle. And in that silence, his voice echoed in my head through the mind link. "Brielle is pregnant with a rogue's pup. She's mateless. I have to claim her, give her a home in the pack. It's to protect the child. I won't actually mark her. When this is all over, you'll still be my only one." I almost believed his bullshit. Until I saw Seth's hand stroking Brielle's waist after the ceremony. And Brielle, pulling him in for a kiss. In that moment, my eyes burned, and I was rooted to the spot. Seth thought I'd wait. Everyone who watched me pine for him thought I'd come crawling back, begging him to complete our bond. After all, we were fated mates. I'd been waiting for this ceremony for five years. But they had no idea. I turned my back on the pack and left. The moment that failed ceremony ended, I bonded with Lucian. The most powerful Vampire Prince. Three years later, I came back. Lucian called for a truce with the werewolves—all for me. As his mate, I returned to my former pack lands to witness the treaty. But the first thing my arrogant ex-fated mate did was rip the huge moonstone pendant off my neck. "That's the Vampire Prince's moonstone. He bought it for his blood-bonded mate years ago. Where did you get that cheap knock-off? A street stall?" "Enough with the tantrum. Come back. Brielle's kid is three. You can have a cot in the utility closet and clean up after him. Now take that cheap thing off your neck. Don't screw up the peace treaty." I just stood there, rubbing the sore spot on my neck where the chain had scraped, and let out a quiet sigh. He didn’t know that the moment anyone tried to rip this pendant from my throat, Lucian would feel it. And the only thing that would greet them… was his world-ending fury.

In our pack, every werewolf can create one moon stone in their lifetime. These stones can enhance our wolf's power and are crucial for becoming Alpha. In my past life, I worked tirelessly to craft my moon stone. I wanted to become our pack's Alpha more than anything. But on the day of the Alpha selection, something went terribly wrong. After absorbing my moon stone's power, I couldn't control my wolf. Instead, my wolf submitted to Katherine, my mate's stepsister. Katherine hadn't always been part of our pack. When she was alone and vulnerable, my mate, Beta Ethan, had convinced me to accept and care for her. The pack erupted in cheers as Katherine became the new Alpha. Ethan, who had always claimed to love me deeply, proposed to Katherine in front of everyone. They sealed it with a passionate kiss. Suddenly, I was public enemy number one. Everyone accused me of stealing Katherine's moon stone, saying that's why I couldn't control its power. Even Ethan, my mate, looked at me with disgust. "Thief," he spat, severing our mate bond on the spot. The pack turned on me. They chased me down, their teeth tearing into my flesh. As I lay dying, my body broken and bleeding, I saw Ethan and Katherine together. They nuzzled each other, whispering sweet nothings while my life ebbed away. In my final moments, I realized a cruel truth. While Ethan's wolf was my fated mate, his human heart belonged to Katherine. But even as death claimed me, I couldn't understand. How could the moon stone I crafted serve Katherine instead? Then, darkness. And light again. I opened my eyes to find myself back in time, one week before the Alpha selection. This time, I made a different choice. Instead of crafting a moon stone, I left the pack to train alone in the volcano. Ethan's voice filled my head through our mind link. He demanded to know why I'd left the pack at such a crucial time. I cut the connection without a word. Shifting into my wolf form, I jumped into the lava.

Since my bone cancer is already terminal, my doctor asks me if I wish to receive an amputation. My breath is lodged in my throat. After hesitating for a few moments, I end up texting my husband, Jordan Parker. "If I undergo the amputation surgery, I'll get to live for another year. Do you want me to take up the surgery?" One minute before I'm scheduled to undergo the surgery, my phone finally buzzes. "Best wishes." It's the same response as the one I've been receiving for every message I've sent him over the past three years. Of course, Jordan has responded by transferring me money and a note that says "best wishes". I put down my phone quietly. Ever since I've borrowed 500 thousand dollars from him on our wedding night, Jordan has already determined that I'm a gold digger, just like what his friends have been saying about me. That's why Jordan transfers me money when I go through a miscarriage. When I beg him to attend my dad's funeral, he gives me money as well. Half a year ago, I'm diagnosed with bone cancer. The thought about having to live my life with tubes inserted into various parts of my body while lying on my sick bed and waiting for Death to grace me with its presence in the near future triggers a mental breakdown immediately. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I send 97 long audio messages to Jordan. In return, I've received 97 money transfers. Now, I'm about to get amputated just so I can extend my life span, and here Jordan is, fusing beads with his childhood sweetheart, Camille Laurent. As I stare at Camille's romantic social media post and the barrage of comments that wish her and Jordan well, I pluck out the needle with a bitter smile on my face. There is once when Jordan has told me in a tone filled with hatred and resentment that his biggest regret is his decision to call off his engagement with Camille over a gold digger like me. Well, I hope that this time, he won't have any regrets anymore.

Ever since my wife, Allison Strong, gives birth to our son, Noel Russell, she becomes unable to speak. The doctors say it is likely a psychological issue. For three whole years, she does not say a single word to me. Even when there's a gas leak in the house, she simply waits for me to discover it myself. When Noel cries from hunger, she never tries to comfort him. After my company goes bankrupt, I don't even have time to grieve. I spend my days delivering packages to support the family while taking my wife to see psychologists and specialists. One day, I am dead tired after working from morning until night. As I back my car into the garage, I fail to notice that Allison has left three-year-old Noel to play behind the vehicle. The moment I feel the car roll over something, my gut tells me something is very wrong. Noel's cries last only a few moments before he falls silent. My legs nearly give out beneath me. Forcing myself to stay upright, I scoop up Noel and rush him to the hospital with my hands trembling uncontrollably. Meanwhile, Allison stands silently somewhere to the side. Just like always, she says nothing. Her expression remains absolutely unfazed. Though she is the one who has given birth to Noel, everything seems completely unrelated to her. I have a mental breakdown. Grabbing her by the shoulders, I shake her desperately and yell, "You saw what was happening, why didn't you warn me? Why did you let him play there? What kind of psychological problem do you have that you can just stand by and watch your own son die? "Are you trying to destroy me, Allison?" I scream hysterically, but she still does not open her mouth or make a sound. Despair engulfs me. Three years of complete silence from her crushes me. Just when I am about to give up, Allison pushes through the crowd and softly speaks her first words in three years. They are quiet, but I hear them clearly. "Clarence..." Clarence Welch is the name of her first love. Only then do I realize that her psychological issue is with Noel and me.

In my previous life, my father gathered my sister Sarah and me and ordered us to choose a mate from the Alphas of the three great wolf packs: Black Fang, Red Claw, and Silverwind. Both of us set our sights on the same man—the most powerful Alpha among them all, Red Claw’s Alpha, Rhett. However, my father had always favored Sarah. Without giving me a choice, he forced me into a political marriage with Blake, the slightly weaker Alpha of the Black Fang pack. Meanwhile, Sarah got exactly what she wanted and married Rhett. At the time, no one expected what would happen next. After I became pregnant, Blake suddenly awakened the hidden power within his bloodline—the legendary strength of the Black Wolf. Overnight, he rose to become the most powerful Alpha of all. From that moment on, he treated me with endless tenderness, indulged my every wish, and never once raised his voice to me. Meanwhile, Sarah’s life with Rhett turned into a nightmare. Day after day, she endured his fists and cruelty. Her body was constantly covered in bruises and wounds. The jealousy consumed her until she finally lost control. One day, she forced poisonous wolfsbane down my throat. I died in unbearable agony, both the child in my womb and I. In my final moments, as my life faded away, I saw someone rushing toward me. It was Seville, the silent Alpha of the Silverwind pack, the man who had barely spoken a word the entire time. Yet, he was the one holding my lifeless body, crying uncontrollably. … When I opened my eyes again, I had returned to the day we were meant to choose our mates. This time, Sarah moved first. She deliberately seduced Blake before I could even approach him. Only then did I realize that she, too, had been reborn. She looked at me with open provocation, her lips curling into a smug smile. “You’re… too late.” I smiled brightly in return. Then, I chose the least favored Alpha of them all, Seville. She could go ahead. Blake was all hers. All the torment Blake inflicted on me in my previous life, she can have it this time.

I paid Curtis Robinett 200 thousand dollars a month to be a standby blood donor. My fiancée, Eden May, thought it was a waste of money. So she reassigned him to work part-time as her personal assistant instead. When Curtis accidentally submitted my marriage license appointment as a divorce filing for the 99th time, I kicked open Eden's office door. She didn't even look up. "We're in no rush to get married anyway," she said calmly. "Curtis is just careless. That's how he's always been." Later, in the emergency room, I called Eden while doctors rushed around me, my throat shredded from yelling. "Where's my emergency medical kit?" I rasped. "What did you do with it?" Curtis answered instead, his voice warm and smug. "You mean the expensive leather bag you kept in the cabinet? I swapped it out for a large party snack box. It holds everything just fine, and honestly, it looks a lot more cheerful. "Ms. May's brother and sister-in-law are both career soldiers. Your bag didn't really match that image, so I thought this would be more appropriate." My vision dimmed. My hands shook as I told Curtis to come donate blood. Eden laughed softly and cut in, "Stop pretending you're anemic just to get attention. If you're actually sick, deal with it. You're at the hospital; I think the doctors are fully capable of keeping you alive. Curtis is afraid of needles. He's not coming." Then, she hung up. She didn't appear until the surgical lights finally went dark. "Curtis had me bring you chocolate milk," she said. "It's good for recovery. It's not that he didn't want to help. He just faints at the sight of blood." She placed a settlement waiver on my bed. "I was the one who told him not to come. That 200-thousand-dollar monthly salary is his pay as my assistant. It has nothing to do with you. You didn't have to call the police for that. Sign this, and I'll go get the marriage license with you." I thought of what I had just seen in the operating room. Eden's brother, Harvey May, was bleeding out on the operating table, waiting for a lifesaving drug that never came. In the final moments of surgery, he could do nothing but lie there and die. I looked at her and said evenly, "You're the immediate family. It's not my place to sign that."