Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

"I will help you get your revenge, Ashley, but on one condition... Let's get married," My jaw dropped when Asher looked me in the eyes and said those words to me. How could he ask me to marry him? "You are my husband's brother, Asher..." "Your soon-to-be ex husband. You two are going to get a divorce soon. He treated you like a piece of trash, and you want nothing but to get your revenge. Don't you think I'm the best tool you can use?" My heart raced as his hand crawled up my bare thigh while pinning me to the wall, his face nuzzled in my neck as he teased the nape of my neck, sending this weird feeling through my body. "I'm willing to be your tool of vengeance, Ashley," His husky voice made my heart flutter as his breath fanned my ear, biting my earlobe after. "What do you want in return?" I managed to ask him, but his reply made me freeze on the spot. "Be my sex toy, Ashley,"

TEASER SCENE Her back hit the wall, legs wrapped around him as he slammed into her— deep and brutal, ripping a strangled moan from her lips. She clawed at his shoulders, but he pinned her wrists with one hand, the other gripping her throat, controlling every gasp. “Look at me,” he growled, fucking her harder, her pussy walls fluttered helplessly around him. “Now come while I’m still inside you,” he ordered. Her body obeyed instantly— shaking, gushing, and screaming. “Good little whore,” he growled, still fucking her through it, never slowing. “You’ll come again.” And she knew she would— whether she could handle it or not. **** This isn’t romance. It’s raw, reckless, pulse-pounding filth. A collection of forbidden encounters, from ruined vows, to messy secrets, and bodies that should never touch— but did anyway. Men who treated desire like a weapon. Brides who forget their vows on purpose— offering their necks instead of their hearts. Powerful men who don't ask… they take. Every story drags you to the edge, pushing your thighs apart, and makes you watch as pleasure destroys sanity— ONE BRUTAL ORGASM AT A TIME! No apologies. No morals. No happily-ever-afters. Just sex— wet, dirty, desperate, addictive. Are you ready to get fucked by fiction? 18+ ONLY | Extremely explicit content, taboo themes, possession, obsession & shameless pleasure. Read with a towel… or a partner.

When I was ten years old, I sold my mother to human traffickers. My father calls me an ungrateful monster, a devil. He sues me 99 times, but each time, I am found not guilty because I am under 14. In the end, on his way to bring my mother home, he is beaten to death by the men in that village. 20 years later, my younger sister finally brings our mother—now unable to walk and mentally unstable—out of the village. She starts a livestream and breaks down in tears. "I beg the internet to put my devil of a sister on trial. Don’t let her get away with this! She destroyed my family. I will make sure she loses everything!" But only I know… My mother deserves it.

For three agonizing years, my mother struggled with kidney failure. Finally, after all the waiting and the constant dialysis, she was next in line for a transplant. Hope seemed so close. But then, my husband, Zachary Levi, an esteemed nephrology professor, did the unforgivable. He surreptitiously gave his lover's mother the kidney that was intended for my mother. He said almost dismissively, "Ella's mother couldn't wait any longer. Your mother's been on dialysis for so long, she's not going to die anytime soon." Later, my mother passed away. I called Zachary one final time. Yet, it was a woman who answered. "Margaret, right? Zachary's in the shower. Is there something you need?" I stared at my mother's smile on the gravestone, and an overwhelming emptiness spread through me. "It's nothing. Just wanted to talk about the divorce."

On New Year's Eve, my boyfriend, Brian Eggert, gives me a second-hand fake bag as my New Year's gift. Angered, I break up with him immediately before I run off to meet my best friend, Cathy Capshaw, so that I can complain about him to her. Unexpectedly, the moment I see Cathy, I suddenly hear her inner voice. "Finally, you've broken up with Brian, you bitch! He never prepared a second-hand fake bag for you—I was the one who swapped bags when both of you weren't paying attention! "I suppose you don't know jackshit, huh? The man whom you've just broken up with is actually the richest man in town. He was planning to propose to you tonight, too! "Why should you have the best guy alive? From now on, he's mine!" After hearing Cathy's inner voice, I quickly check the security footage. As expected, I see her swapping bags sneakily. Later on, I cut off all ties with Cathy and quickly reconcile with Brian after clearing up the misunderstanding with him. Soon, we get married. What I don't expect is that Brian doesn't have money at all after our marriage. On top of that, he even racks up a huge debt. Every day, I'm forced to hide from the debtors, only to fall to my death in the end. When I wake up again, I've returned to the day I can hear Cathy's inner voice.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Lucas snapped, his eyes darkening as he threw the papers and pictures at my face. I didn't need to look at them to know what they were. My heart sank at the pain and look of betrayal in his eyes, but he had hurt me more, and he had no right to play the victim here. "How was I supposed to not do that? You disappeared without a trace!" I yelled back in anger, my fists clenching at my sides as I tried not to cry. Losing her virginity to Lucas was a dream come true for Audrey until he vanished without anything but a goodbye note. She became a single mom and moved on, raising her son on her own and working to take care of them both. Five years went by like a flash and Lucas returned with his fiancee, but this time as her new boss and he didn't even remember who she was. Fate and destiny played a game of second chance, bringing the lost lovers back together. Would they be able to ignore the flame that kindled whenever they were together? Will they let go of the past and embrace the possible future? Or will they let history repeat itself?

On the first day of every month, my mom will give me my allowance based on the number of times I had checked in with her last month. "You'll receive 20 dollars for greeting your parents once in the morning and once in the evening. But last month, you only hit ten days' worth of quota, so you can only receive 200 dollars. This also means your 300-dollar punctuality fee will be deducted as well. "After adding on 150 dollars for your basic necessities, you shall receive only 350 dollars for this month's allowance. Remember to write a reflection report on your lack of punctuality later. I'll only transfer you the money if your report is acceptable." I become so overwhelmed by anxiety that my voice starts trembling. "I was busy with my finals last month, Mom! I had to line up outside the library at 5:00 am every day just so I could secure myself a seat! That's why I couldn't call you in time!" In a choked-up tone, I plead to my mom, "I need 600 dollars for the train ticket all the way home during the holidays! 350 dollars really isn't enough for me! Mom, can you please—" But my mom cuts me off firmly, "The allowance system is something that I've specifically designed for you so that I can help you get rid of the bad habit of wanting to receive everything without putting in hard work! Why can't you just understand that I'm doing this for your own good?" After that, she ends the call mercilessly. Just as I'm filled with despair and helplessness, a blond appears before my eyes. He's willing to buy my train ticket for me, but in return, I need to leave with him.

Si Jackson Lucas Montgomery ay kilala bilang the perfect son na nagpatayo ng imperyo, may daan-daang negosyo, at milyon-milyong investor na nagtitiwala sa kaniya. Ngunit hindi alam ng lahat, may isang lalaking nakatago sa loob niya. A man who is wilder, more ruthless, more dangerous… and far more sinful. His other self, ang rebelong anak na hindi kayang kontrolin ang tunay niyang pagkatao. Si Tatiana Louis Alcantara, isang stripper na desperadong makaalis sa mabahong buhay na mayroon siya, ay aksidenteng nabuntis ng lalaking hindi niya alam ang pagkakakilanlan. Tanging ang tattoo lang ng lalaki sa left abdomen ang palatandaan niya. Sa gitna ng kanyang paghahanap sa lalaking nakabuntis sa kanya ay nahulog siya sa patibong na hindi niya inaakalang mangyayari sa kanyang buhay. Bumungad na lamang sa kaniya ang dark, hypersexual alter ego ng pinakamakapangyarihang lalaki sa bansa. They fall into a secret, burning affair. Isang relasyong puno ng halik na bawal, yakap na delikado, at gabing kinakalaban ng katawan ang katinuan. Ngunit nang magsimulang maglaho ang perfect son personality dahil kay Tatiana, nagkagulo ang buong angkan ng Montgomery. Para sa kanila, si Tatiana ang sumpang sisira sa kanilang imperyo. At gagawin nila ang lahat para mawala siya sa buhay ng anak nila para ibalik ang perpektong anak na kailanman ay hindi naging totoo. What they don’t know about is that… The rebel son doesn’t just want her. He will destroy worlds to keep her.

I married my vampire husband ten years ago and gave him a half-blood heir, abandoning my career as a painter to become a full-time mother. Fortunately, my son inherited my talent. At just six years old, he held his first solo art exhibition, inspired by the theme "My Mother." But he never let me attend, and he never let me see his paintings. My husband said my presence would make Luke nervous---that I should stay home and do the housework as a good wife and mother, and wait for them to come back. I told myself he was just young and didn't know better, that he was only pushing back against my discipline, not truly rejecting me. Until the day I snuck into the gallery wearing a surgical mask pulled low. In the center of the crowd, my husband held our son's hand while tenderly pulling a woman in a red dress into his arms. He turned to the guests and announced: "This is Luke's mother---my wife." The three of them stood together, beaming with perfect happiness. And I---the one who'd stayed up all night setting up this exhibition---stood before the paintings while not a single person recognized me. That was when I finally understood. My seemingly gentle, caring vampire husband had long ago given our son a replacement mother. And I was nothing more than the human nanny who'd served her purpose by producing an heir.

I was locked in a fridge for 40 days while the uncensored photos of me spread like wildfire across the internet. In the face of the salacious rumors about me, my mother reacted by reposting them. Then, she turned to warn my sister, "Look at how disgusting the entertainment industry is. Don't join it, alright? Stay home and inherit your sister's assets instead. My dearest daughter must be innocent and pure, unlike her." She forgot. She forgot I only joined this 'disgusting' industry to pay for her cancer treatment.