Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

Heating starts on the 15th, so I give my mom the money to pay the heating bill two days in advance and ask her to pay it for me. But a week passes, and it still feels like an icehouse in my apartment. I am on the phone complaining to my younger brother's wife, Selena Lyons, who lives upstairs. "You are right not to pay the heating fee. I paid, and it made no difference. We're freezing to death here." From the other end of the call, I faintly hear my nephew shouting, "Mom, it's so hot! I want a popsicle!"

18+ Explicit Content. Reader Discretion Strongly Advised. Content Warnings: This collection contains graphic sexual content, BDSM, dubcon, kink, degrading, age gap, taboo relationships, forbidden affairs, bisexuality, menage, femdom, and explicit adult language. If you are sensitive to dark, controversial or boundary pushing themes this is not the book for you. Twenty eight stories. Twenty eight reasons you won't be putting this book down anytime soon. One minute you're in a Duke's estate watching a forbidden secret unfold between a powerful man and the maid he was never supposed to touch. Next minute you're in a BDSM club with a woman who has been playing good wife for too long. Then you're in a werewolf territory where twin heirs want the same woman their father just claimed as his mate. And just when you think you know what's coming next, you don't. That's the thing about this collection. You never know what's on the next page. But you know it's going to be good. Steamy. Forbidden. Taboo. Dark. Dirty. And the kind of stories that make your pussies and cocks throb. Welcome to Dirty Desires. You were warned.

For five years, my fated mate, Alpha Killian, has used my body to survive his ruts. He’s never marked me. For five years, I’ve choked down suppressants to hide our bond from the world. Until tonight. Tonight, when he was finished, he told me to be at the full moon ceremony. I thought he was finally ready to claim me. To make me his Luna. But he just smirked and told me he was mating Vivian. The daughter of an Alpha. A pureblood. And me? I was nothing more than his dirty little secret. The cure for his rut. He walked away. I wiped my tears, went back to my apartment, and threw out all my suppressants. My best friend thought I’d lost my mind. She asked if I was declaring war on the Alpha. I shook my head. No. I'm erasing him. Then, I accepted Alpha Adrian’s invitation. Alpha Adrian. A rival from Europe. In seven days, I would leave forever.

18+ Explicit Content | Strongly Suggested for Reader Discretion Content Warnings: This collection contains strong adult language, age-gap dynamics, morally dubious characters, rough encounters, and explicit sexual scenes, definitely not for the weak of heart. Some certain desires are meant to remain hidden, there should be none of them. However, nothing is off-limits in these stories. Dirty Desires is an anthology of unvarnished, erotic stories in which temptation rules, control is challenged, and rules are broken. From forbidden lovers to impossible attractions, from hidden lusts to dangerous indulgences, every story pushes the boundaries. They are mischievous, they're mistaken, they are everything you have been longing to experience.

Each of my three ex-boyfriends ends up committing suicide right after eating food that my mother, Florence Winters, makes. Their deaths are very different from one another, with the only similarity being that they all eat food made by Mom before they die. Mom goes viral in an instant. She becomes the center of everyone's attention, and she is even taken away by the police. But they never manage to find anything wrong with any of the food she makes. I don't dare to get into another relationship. I pack my things and move out of the house, leaving Mom. Two years later, Mom shows up at my engagement party. She proceeds to feed my fiance, Lawrence Smith, some food…

This is a Collection of Erotic Fantasies, Sex Scenes, Strong Language, and mature themes. Read at your own risk or pleasure. Explicit 18+ Content | Reader Discretion Strongly Advised.

My sister pulled a knife during a robbery attempt, and we got into a brutal fight. My mom, an auxiliary police officer, arrived at the scene but totally ignored my injury. As I lay in a pool of blood, begging for help, she just cradled my sister and yelled at me, "You're so desperate for attention that you'd hurt your sister? How did I raise a heartless monster like you?" She branded me as the aggressor, ignored my pleas, and rushed my sister, who had mere scratches, to the hospital. I was left alone to die miserably in that deserted alley. When the news of my death arrived, my mother dismissed it as another one of my lies, pointing at my body and demanding I get up to apologize to my sister.

I had been secretly married to Vivian Grant, my CEO wife, for six years, yet she never once let our son call her Mom. After she missed his birthday again because of her male assistant, I finally put the divorce papers in front of her and walked away for good with our son. The woman who had always seemed so controlled finally fell apart. She stormed into the office demanding to know where I’d gone. But this time, neither my son nor I were coming back.

Mom and Dad keep claiming that I'm their firstborn, so they need to love me with all their hearts. Already, they're saving up for my college funds and keep taking me on vacations abroad just to explore the world. This time, I've gotten a full score on my exams. My parents decide to take me and my four-year-old sister, Amelia Orson, on a trip. Worried that I might mind Amelia's presence, they even specifically explain to me that no one is capable of taking care of Amelia in their stead, so she has to come along. I accept the explanation immediately. But Amelia falls sick right before the trip. There isn't any cough syrup left at home, so I use my pocket money to buy some imported cough syrup and feed Amelia with it. I thought I'd get praised for my efforts. Instead, Mom rushes over to induce vomiting for Amelia. With red-rimmed eyes, she scolds me, "How dare you feed her medicine without checking the source! Do you have any idea how lethal that is? When I was young, I almost died from a dose of misused medication fed by my own sister! How dare you try to harm Amelia, you wretched child!" After that, Mom tells Dad to bring out his suitcase so that she can lock me up in it. "You want to go on a trip because you've scored full marks in your exams, right? Fine! Have all the fun you want in the suitcase!" What they've forgotten is the fact that Dad often uses this suitcase on his business trips, so there's a TSA-approved lock on it. I can't even open the suitcase from inside.

When my eyes were gouged out, my mother was shopping with my cousin. When I was forced to drink a bottle of acid and died in agony, she snapped impatiently, “Kara, can’t you be as well-behaved as Wendy? If you’re just going to run away, then don’t bother calling me!” However, when she saw the crime scene, she rushed outside and threw up. As a criminal psychologist specially hired by the River City police, how could she feel sick at the sight of her own daughter’s body?