Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

When my eyes were gouged out, my mother was shopping with my cousin. When I was forced to drink a bottle of acid and died in agony, she snapped impatiently, “Kara, can’t you be as well-behaved as Wendy? If you’re just going to run away, then don’t bother calling me!” However, when she saw the crime scene, she rushed outside and threw up. As a criminal psychologist specially hired by the River City police, how could she feel sick at the sight of her own daughter’s body?

My mom has been brainwashing me with her "quid pro quo" rule. Apparently, I must work hard in earning money just to get whatever I want. A round of doing the dishes earns me 50 cents. Mopping the floor once grants me one dollar. If I get a full score in my exams, that'll be five dollars. In order to buy a pair of white sneakers that I had had my eye on for a long time, I spent three months picking up trash from the streets. I lived like a maid who was paid on one-time services in this home. When I was a high school senior, I fainted during my homeroom period due to long periods of malnutrition. Even though my doctor suggested to my mom to pay attention to my nutrient intake, she began calculating the costs in front of my sick bed instead. "Your hospitalization costs 300 dollars. On top of that, you have a 200-dollar medical bill to settle. All of these costs will be reflected on your wedding gifts in the future, Emily." But when I turned my head, I saw a student sitting on the bed being fed chicken noodle soup by her own mother. Said mother was so heartbroken by her daughter's illness that she kept shedding tears as well. At that moment, my outlook on the world, that I had been maintaining for 18 long years, finally crumbled into dust. It turned out that not all children needed to work hard just to feel their parents' love. After getting discharged from the hospital and returning home, I finally sobered up the moment I noticed the sneakers that my younger brother, Arnold Baird, wore that cost several thousands of dollars. Then, I tore the family portrait into pieces and didn't hesitate to fill in the university that was located the furthest from home when it was time for me to submit my post-graduation details. Ten years later, my mom calls me on the phone. She starts crying to me how Arnold has swindled her out of her pension. Apparently, he's even sold the house just so he can elope with his girlfriend. Not only is my mom alone now, but she doesn't have a place to stay as well. I just smile as I throw her a piece of rag. "You want to live with me, huh? No problem. You'll earn 50 cents for every window you wipe. You can earn your rent like this."

Caution!!! This story plunges straight into unfiltered lust, inner turmoil, and risky, taboo cravings. It uncovers fierce dominance struggles, secret urges, and bonds that shatter every line meant to stay intact. If you crave a narrative packed with obedience, surrender, shame, and overwhelming hunger, then this is for you!! Mason has always known what he wants… even if he never had the words for it. At twenty-four, he craves control, not in life, but in the bedroom. He wants to kneel, to obey, to be seen and owned by someone who understands the depth of his desires. When he finally finds that connection online with a dominant man known only as Dom, everything begins to change. For the first time, he feels understood and behind the safety of anonymity, Mason allows himself to explore desires he has never spoken out loud. But when they decide to meet, the man behind the screen isn’t a stranger. It’s Alaric, the man who helped raise him, his father’s best friend and the one person he should never want. What begins as a mistake turns into something deeper, darker, and impossible to resist because once boundaries are crossed… There’s no going back.

Being half human was something Lyra could never accept to make matters worse. Your mate is the werewolf rumored to be a beast, what if her blood is the only thing that could keep him in check?. Or her birth to Change the course of time for all hybrids like her?. … You can't desire me Ethan, I am not good for you. Are you denying the burning desire and radiation from both our bodies? I want you and you want me, our Wolves want each other. I may have hated your kind but that doesn't stop me from claiming you right here and now. Strip he commanded. As the nights prolonged and the silver moon shone brightly on them, Ethan's fangs were out as he claimed his mate and that was the beginning of a heated battle.

My husband, Jaxon Murray, was a renowned medical expert and owned a big company. He was participating in a clinical drug trial when someone tampered with his medication. Under the influence, he ended up entangled with an intern—ninety-nine times, right there on the lab table. When he regained clarity, he rushed home, locked himself in the bathroom, and submerged himself in the tub without food or water as he waited for me to return from work. "Lauren," he said, "my medication was switched during the trial. I made a terrible mistake. But I paid her off and had her dismissed. She'll never appear before me again." I wept miserably, clutching my belly that had once again failed to carry life. And in the end, I chose to forgive him. Several months later, he crashed into a guardrail while answering a phone call, causing me to miscarry. The injury left me unable to conceive for life. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his voice choked with remorse. "Darling, I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry… We don't need children. We have each other, isn't that enough?" One day, I went to bring him lunch, only to find him in the next hospital room, cradling and feeding the woman he swore he'd never see again. "She's too weak to eat by herself," he said. "She has early-stage stomach cancer. There's no one else to take care of her… she's all alone." I chose to believe him. Again. Until one day, a pair of twins appeared in our home. Sophie Dixon knelt before me, wearing the postpartum gown he had once lovingly picked out for me, clutching my hand with tears streaming down her face. "It's all my fault. Please don't blame Jaxon. If you say the word, I'll leave with the children immediately." Jaxon grabbed my other hand, desperation thick in his voice. "Lauren, you've always been the kindest person I know. The children are still so young. How could Sophie possibly raise them alone? You wouldn't be that cruel… would you?" I looked down at the hands gripping mine from both sides, and suddenly, I laughed. "Jaxon, let's get a divorce. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness."

Abandoned in the pouring rain, Aleira Tan was left to pick up the broken pieces of her life while carrying her unborn child. For five years, she endured heartbreak, judgment, and the struggles of single motherhood—until a mysterious man once held an umbrella over her head and vanished into the night. She never expected to see him again. Now desperate for a fresh start, Aleira applies for a job at Montenegro Group—one of the country’s most elite companies. But nothing prepares her for the shock of discovering that her new boss is none other than him—Brent Montenegro. The cold, powerful billionaire who pretends not to recognize her… but whose eyes betray a different story. Strict. Mysterious. Untouchable. Brent hires her without explanation, keeping his distance—but always watching. Their unspoken tension grows with every encounter, and soon, secrets from their past begin to surface. Behind Brent’s icy exterior lies a man fighting his own battles—and Aleira might just be the light he never knew he needed. But can a billionaire torn between family expectations and buried emotions fall for a struggling single mom? In a world full of secrets, status, and silent stares… Will love find a way to rewrite their fate?

Content warning (18+): This isn't your clean romance. It's messy, raw, burning with heats and intense. Enter at your own risk. ~~~ I didn't expect to be fucked by my best friend's dad after crashing at their lake house. They were out of the country and I came to recover from a heartbreak, but I ended up riding his cock all night. He rammed into my pussy as I screamed out my lungs, and the next morning, I sneaked out. Did everything to avoid running into him, but I soon find him sitting across the desk as my boss. I tried so hard to resist him, but I couldn't. I fingered myself in my office, shamelessly moaning his name. Turns out he watched through the camera, and he stopped me from cumming as a punishment for avoiding him. But I defied him, this time I cummed, fingers deep inside my pussy, warm sticky wetness dripping down the floor as I cum despite his raging voice through the intercom. Later, I suck him off to make it up to him, his fat thick cock fills my mouth, his precum spread through my tongue, he cums hard, thrusting into my throat. Then he rewarded me, spread me out on his desk and thrust into my dripping cunt, hard, painful, filling me to the hilt. I know I'm going to hell, I might as well just burn, so I let him use me however he wants. I take his cock without a word, spread for him anytime, until his daughter walks in on us.

"I will help you get your revenge, Ashley, but on one condition... Let's get married," My jaw dropped when Asher looked me in the eyes and said those words to me. How could he ask me to marry him? "You are my husband's brother, Asher..." "Your soon-to-be ex husband. You two are going to get a divorce soon. He treated you like a piece of trash, and you want nothing but to get your revenge. Don't you think I'm the best tool you can use?" My heart raced as his hand crawled up my bare thigh while pinning me to the wall, his face nuzzled in my neck as he teased the nape of my neck, sending this weird feeling through my body. "I'm willing to be your tool of vengeance, Ashley," His husky voice made my heart flutter as his breath fanned my ear, biting my earlobe after. "What do you want in return?" I managed to ask him, but his reply made me freeze on the spot. "Be my sex toy, Ashley,"

My mother said I was a born beauty and was able to charm any man. She told me not to touch a man before my twentieth birthday. In the previous timeline, I listened to her, so when a wealthy heir was dosed with an aphrodisiac, I pushed him away when he tried to take me into his embrace. But the effects of the skincare routine I did transferred to my mother after my twentieth birthday. I used face masks, but my face became wrinkled and spotted. Meanwhile, my mother glowed with smooth and youthful skin. I danced, but I only became fatter while my mother became slim. Seeing how I looked like a fifty-year-old woman, my father called me a useless piece of trash and wanted to marry me off to a bald man as his second wife. I cried and begged my mother for help. But she said this was for my own good, her twenty-something face a mask of hypocrisy. I was forced to run away from home, but doing so only sped up my aging. Three days later, I died on the streets right by a trash heap. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself back in time to the night I met that rich heir. This time, I did not push him away but straddled him in bed.

TEASER SCENE Her back hit the wall, legs wrapped around him as he slammed into her— deep and brutal, ripping a strangled moan from her lips. She clawed at his shoulders, but he pinned her wrists with one hand, the other gripping her throat, controlling every gasp. “Look at me,” he growled, fucking her harder, her pussy walls fluttered helplessly around him. “Now come while I’m still inside you,” he ordered. Her body obeyed instantly— shaking, gushing, and screaming. “Good little whore,” he growled, still fucking her through it, never slowing. “You’ll come again.” And she knew she would— whether she could handle it or not. **** This isn’t romance. It’s raw, reckless, pulse-pounding filth. A collection of forbidden encounters, from ruined vows, to messy secrets, and bodies that should never touch— but did anyway. Men who treated desire like a weapon. Brides who forget their vows on purpose— offering their necks instead of their hearts. Powerful men who don't ask… they take. Every story drags you to the edge, pushing your thighs apart, and makes you watch as pleasure destroys sanity— ONE BRUTAL ORGASM AT A TIME! No apologies. No morals. No happily-ever-afters. Just sex— wet, dirty, desperate, addictive. Are you ready to get fucked by fiction? 18+ ONLY | Extremely explicit content, taboo themes, possession, obsession & shameless pleasure. Read with a towel… or a partner.