Funny Motherhood Stories Novels & Stories

I can’t be too careful. God, I wish she was right less often. It’d make moving away and resenting her phone calls way easier. “Will do,” I say. “How are things back home?” She spits out a few rapid-fire anecdotes. Mom has the craziest ability to strip the humor out of even the funniest stories. I make it through one about a woman that apparently used to coach my soccer team throwing eggs at her husband during a town meeting without cracking a smile. “And you, Benjamin?” she asks.

I asked, “I’m fine” “That uh, that was different” “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to, I just got upset” “I know, I could feel it too”. I sat on the bed next to her and held onto her hand. I still can’t believe this is all happening. Mum told us stories about the daughter of the moon and the she-wolves with powers when I was a kid, but of course back then I just thought they were stories to make us feel good.

She was beaming with happiness; I could imagine her already planning our honeymoon in her head. “Beautiful,” she said and then grabbed Aurora’s hand. “Come meet Alderson; he has been waiting for both of you,” my mother said, pulling her as she walked. While she passed me, she didn’t even bat an eye at my side. I had disappeared from her sight now that she had met Aurora and Noel. I followed behind them, watching my mother tell Aurora stories about how I peed on her when she changed my diaper as a baby. “Mother,” I groaned. “No one wants to hear stories from decades ago,” I said through gritted teeth.

But for the time at least, I was trapped. "It wasn't just p**n!" My mother said and she looked absolutely terrified when she said it. I realized she wasn't angry, like I thought, she was scared. "It was p**n where... where a mother was... having sex with her... with her son!" she said and she could barely get it out. "No it wasn't!" "I heard it!" "It's a joke!" he said. "Your erection wasn't a joke," my mother said and my brother recoiled as though he were hit. "I saw what you were doing. Oh god! What is wrong with this family! What did I do wrong?"

My head remained on her shoulder and we both stood and stared in silence. “I’m not going to bore you with any of those marriage talks you know, we’ve had enough already” she said and I burst into laughter. My mother wasn’t lying, she had visited my room at least ten times in the middle of the night to give me stories about her marriage with my father, the dos and don’ts of the marriage and everything that she believed that I would need to know for my marriage to be successful and I had taken everything to heart. I had heard stories from my mother that I wouldn’t have heard from anyone, their love story was something we had always heard but the ones she told me were deeper and much more emoti

“ Mother, what is funny , you're low-key freaking me out ” “ Well , faith must really be having a hard laugh right now , what are the odds? Did I ever tell you how me and your father got together and ended up getting married?”. “ No you never did , I just assumed it's the typical boy meets girl and they fall in love , have a family you know ” “ You can't be further from the truth , your father actually stole me from his business partner . I met him by accident when I barged into their meeting and the rest is history ”.

"As much as I'd love that trip down memory lane, don't use it to deflect" "You would say that to me when I was feeling very tired" she ignored me and continued being a mother I had always dreamed of, "your cute little arms would knead my body, it felt so good" "Mum stop it" Mum was terrible at telling childhood stories, not in a bad way it’s just that she made want to go back in time and have a look at whatever version of me she was narrating. "You'd get me water and anything I asked for', I'm so sorry I kind of ruined that for us...'"

She waved her hand lightly, the diamonds on her fingers catching the light. “Oh, heavens, don’t look so grim. It was nothing,” she said. “It’s an old joke, that’s all. You know how people say boys can be too much like being wild and dramatic, and how it is exhausting to be a boy mom. So the joke is about how a mother knows she needs so much help to raise them. It’s just something the older generation repeats. Nothing serious.” Her gaze shifted amongst the crowd. “Don’t tell me you don’t know it.”

Mothers have their ways to put you on your feet every time, her mom always has a way of ruining their perfectly running conversation whenever she puts a call through, she either asks if she is familiar with the color code 'cockroach brown' just to inform her about the wedding of her neighbor's daughter which she is planning to attend or she brings up a program she listened to on the radio about late childbearing or pre-menopause just to advise her to be fast about settling down or just getting pregnant and bring her her grandchild. Just last week, her mother forwarded a picture of her younger female cousin who had recently put to bed in the states, in a bid to announce that she has become an

The feeling of nausea washes over me and I’m up and running like Usain Bolt to the bathroom. Momma and the family were in tears when we told them they were having another grand baby and momma went into full grandma bear mode. She kept telling me to sit down and rest. In the end it took daddy and aunty Rosena to tell her to stop being over bearing haha. I kill myself with my humour at times.