Funny Sex Jokes

"Please, I am in pain." My pleas fell on deaf ears as his grip on my hair intensified. "I know you felt it too, the connection between us. I want to make one thing clear," he lowered his head and whispered into my ear, "Don't get any funny ideas. I can never mark you as my mate! You are a mere slave, and that is all you will be—a slave I can bed whenever I want." His finger trailed down my face and neck, pausing briefly at my bosom, which responded involuntarily. "Just like I will tonight," he snarled before releasing my hair. I immediately crumpled to the hard ground. Athena, an 18-year-old Omega, was offered to the cruel Alpha king by her stepfather, who cared nothing about her, in exchange for a debt he owed the king. Upon meeting the cruel Alpha king, Sebastian, they felt a connection that indicated they were each other's mate. The cruel king rejects her immediately and subjects her to his sexual pleasures. Torn and broken, Athena decides to flee the pack with her unborn child, as the cruel king's palace was not a fit place to raise her child. She vowed to give her baby all the love and care she was deprived of, even as a child, something it would never get from its father or his kingdom. What would happen when she falls right into the hands of a Lycan king in need of an heir? What would happen when Sabastain decides he wants her back? What would happen when she discovers a secret that would play a huge role in determining whether she lives or dies, one that has been hidden from her all her life? Find out in this thrilling werewolf romance novel, "Offered to the Cruel Alpha King."

"Are you warm for me Belle? " "Scorching. " She whispered back as he traced his hand along her inner thigh. She could feel the ache between her legs. Christian nibbled in her ear and whispered huskily. "Then let me turn the heat off. " Isabelle blue has her life under control, a boyfriend, a trustworthy best friend and a caring family until her cousin accuses her of drugging him and forcing herself on him. Sam produces photographs of the scene during a get together dinner, depicting Isabelle on top of his unconscious body. No one believes her including her father who disowns her. To worsen it all, Isabelle can't remember what happened during the party that Sam claimed she had abused him. In search of emotional support, Isabelle goes to her boyfriend's place Dylan. She is not prepared to find her best friend in the hands of her boyfriend, moving sensually in passionate love making. Thrust in a world of hurt, she finds herself in a nearby park in darkness. She almost succumbs to the betrayal but one man lurking in the shadow comes to her rescue. She ends up having sex with a stranger who turns out to be her patient the very next day. What happens when they can't control their feelings towards one another? Will Christian help her uncover what happened the night Sam took the pictures? Will Christian and Isabelle survive hurt, betrayal and secrets? Or will they end up being lethal enemies?

Arlo is an omega from the red forest pack. He has six overprotective older brothers who spoils him rotten as well as his parents. The red forest pack tends to welcome anyone no matter who they are. What happens when Arlo finds his mate? Will he be able to escape his overprotective family or will it affect his relationship with his mate? Jacob valentine is the alpha king of the blue sky pack located in Norway Europe. They live amongst the humans who welcomed them with open arms but Jacob was still wary of them since he didn't trust them. Being the alpha king comes with a lot of work, one he was ready to take on no matter what. Jacob was on a search to find his mate, but what happens when he goes to the red forest pack? Will his mate be there or will he have to continue to wait? Find out more on their journey. All rights reserved Written by princess Jody

I felt my heart tighten in my chest as I watched with horror, my fiancé and my best friend, having sex in the hotel. They were so engrossed and didn’t even care that they were half naked and anyone who cared, could see them from the glass wall of the building’s fourth floor. Sonia was pressed to the wall while Dennis worked her insides from behind. I couldn’t hear her moans but with every second that I imagined it, my heart sank heavily. Tears flooded my face as I flashed into the last two years of my life when I met Dennis. He was everything I wanted and more. Tall, handsome, broad shoulders and chest, I couldn’t stop drooling as he pulled me into a hug. For a moment there, my heart forgot how to beat, and the moment he smiled and introduced himself, I knew I was going to marry him. I had fallen hard in love with him. Freya decided to try love again after several heartbreaks, she thought Dennis was different but reality dawned on her when she caught him cheating with her best friend, Sonia, the same person who matchmade them in the first place. Actually, Dennis wasn’t cheating on her with Sonia, he was cheating on Sonia with her! The two have been dating for over five years, and she never knew. She was the third wheel in their relationship… What will happen now that Freya has found out? Find out in the story!

"Some GoodNovel writers and readers are wondering what it would be like for two writers on the platform to fall in love. This is actually funny, some agreed it was possible, others believed it wasn't possible. But what if it actually happens between the both of us." ****** Olivia is a nerd who gets bullied at school by the captain of the football team, his squads and her classmates. Writing has always been her passion, things changed for her when she got an offer for her books by a writing platform. What happens when she suddenly catches the attention of the most popular writer on the platform's group chat on Face-book? What happens when she is being asked to tutor her bully?

Kylie Leowfin is a beautiful, intelligent, and special model from Europe. She is living a happy life until she returns to the Philippines for the wedding of her cousin. During her stay there, she meets Thurstin Piers, a guy she does not want to see again. She dislikes Thurstin\'s that so much. However, fate and chance conspired together. Their paths cross again, and Thurstin and Kelly are stuck in the same place. After a while, Kylie realized that Thurstin\'s had a kind heart. But the pressure Kylie feels from the two of them being stuck in the same place that might make Kylie develop feelings for him. By keeping her distance and distracting herself, Kylie tried not to be disturbed by him. Do they have any chance of falling in love with each other? Read on to find out.

Belle Miller at twenty three decides to lose her virginity to a stranger she met via an app named sex mate. After her one night stand with Ben, she hopes not to see him again but fate disagrees and lead her to him again. She finds out he is the famous Billionaire Ben Larkson and didn't know how to feel about it. On the other hand Ben wants her and even though he believes he doesn't love her just because he isn't a romantic, he still acts possessive over her. Read through to find out how his obsession for Belle turns into love, how he falls in love with her through their lust. Teaser:. Ben finished what he was reading before giving his attention to the Mrs Johnson he was expecting. Looking up from his laptop he saw a familiar face walking clumsily to his desk, wearing a shirt and a corporate trouser, with her papers scattered in her hands. Was she the Mrs Johnson? Did she lie about her name on the app? But she looked so innocent to do that. Belle Miller, he could remember her name from that night, it had been in his head all through Sunday. If she was the Mrs Johnson, then she was married, did she really make up a name? But then again, she was a virgin, he was her first, so she probably was a new bride. With all this thought on his mind, he just sat there gazing at her in shock. Did she use him? Did she use him to get her one night fling before beginning her married life? 'She was married.' It couldn't be, he wanted her again in his bed, he wanted this woman and she was married!

“I used to have ice surrounding my heart, but it melted the moment I fucked you,” Hardin said and she scoffed. “It was just a harmless sex, grow up kid and let me go!” She yelled. Freda having been cheated on by her boyfriend for not been good on bed, she wanted to do anything to know if she was indeed back on bed, and that was where she met Hardin who refused to let her go. He kidnapped her and he made sure she was with him even when she wanted to leave. He kept on saying this to her. “My whole world changed ever since I fucked you!” Freda didn’t know how it happened but she didn’t know how she fell in love with the man she once hated. She thought he would be hers not until Shelby his former sex toy came into the picture. Freda had to withdraw knowing she didn’t stand a chance. She decided to give up her love for the mafia lord since he didn’t even spare her a glance but kept on hurting her. She was told by Shelby to enjoy the moment that she’d soon be replaced as soon as he finds a new sex mate. Freda wanted to let go, will she? Or would she continue to love him secretly, or make him fall in love with her? Find out!

Amelia the daughter of an Alpha was orphaned and turned into a slave at the age of ten years when their pack was invaded by an enemy pack. As the only survivor, she was captured by the cruel Khalid the Alpha of the black storm pack that slaughtered her parents. As an omega, she was constantly abused. The only reason why Amelia endured humiliation and burden is to avenge her parent's death in the future. But after eight years of suffering at the hands of the two cruel brothers Albin and Allen, On the day of her eighteen birthday, she found out that she was mated to Albin the future Alpha of the black storm pack who rejected her and punished her even more cruelly to the point of death. Amelia was given another chance to live, she woke on her eighteenth birthday where she found out that Albin was still her mate. This time she vowed never to allow Albin to brutally abuse her at her own will so she took the initiative to reject him. Will Albin accept her rejection? What happens when she finds out that she is also mated to Allen, the hiding Alpha? Will it affect her quest for revenge or will their love conquer all? Note: This story contains a mature scene, sex, violence, and abuse. Read at your own discretion.

Summer Haynes, a.k.a 'Ms. Clumsy'. A lazy Tomboy trying to get her crush's attention with the help from her former ex bully. This is not the best idea to start with...