Funny Stalkers Novels & Stories

“I have one male friend, and he’s married to my best friend. We were just having fun talking when there was a sound.” Officer Brady’s brown eyes narrow on the paper. “Right. Are you sure this isn’t a weird prank from your neighbor? Because you have to understand, stalking is a pattern of strange behavior. I don’t see a pattern here.” “I also had this,” I say, showing him the screenshots from my stream. “This user was actually banned, because he kept threatening the other users. But the platform protects their identity, and I have no way of—” “Wait, where do you work?”

The officer tells her that it's common for stalkers to be people who know their victims. The officer asks Samantha if she's ever noticed anything strange about Mark before, and she says that she hasn't. He asks her to think about it again, and she says that there is one thing. Mark has always been a bit too interested in her personal life, and he seems to know a lot about her. The officer tells her that this is a common sign of a stalker, and that it's important to be aware of it. He asks her if she's comfortable with him speaking to Mark, and she says that she is.

I huff He smirks, "I never said you were." "You're a psychopath." I spit harshly. He smiles “You done being dramatic?” he asks, letting me hear the amusement in his voice. I huff, “Dramatic? Do you think being threatened by your stalker is dramatic? Do you think being stalked at all is something to take lightly?” “Well, of course not,” he replies “People die all the time from crazed stalkers.” His honesty stuns me into silence.

"Who the hell are you and why the hell are you stalking me!" I'm yelling. The guy is all cool and smiling at me. "I asked who the hell you are and why the hell you're stalking me!" I repeat myself. This time, he decides to talk. "Miss, I don't know what you're talking about..." "I saw you last night! I know it was you! Then I saw you at school today and now you're walking behind me! What the heck is your problem! Leave me the fuck alone psycho!"

“Look, I-” “I thought you were my friend,” I said, cutting her off. “It turns out, though, that you're just a stalker. A run-of-the-mill stalker. Who the hell waits outside of a restaurant to spy on a friend? That's the weirdest, most disgusting, despicable thing I've ever heard of. I never imagined you'd do something like that. Apparently, I'm really bad at reading people.” She tried speaking again. “Jane, I-”

What era are you living in? "Your friend must be having fun somewhere with the guy she was dancing with. Can you give me some attention?" "Are you some kind of stalker?" I asked without looking at him, trying to make things easier for myself. "What?" Suddenly, my question seemed completely foolish. How embarrassing. I looked at him, and he was still smiling. So sexy. There was something about him that stirred me in a crazy way. I promise never to drink again. "Like stalking me," I tried to explain after realizing I had been staring at him for too long.

he said. "But there's a problem," Mark said. "The owner of that Venezuelan account is a 70-year-old grandpa who shares life quotes and funny memes. I checked the account thoroughly, sir. It's real. He even does lives and has a lot of senior citizen followers, so my bet is that your stalker is trying to lead you off. And with the amount of resources pulled to make it happen, the person is not ordinary at all." Julian was shocked at the news. Why would any of his business rivals turn into an obsessed stalker? It made no sense that they'd mess with him like that. They were usually too egoistic to move in that direction. He blew out a breath and addressed Mark.

Tyler snoozed in a sunbeam like he hadn’t a care in the world. Five minutes passed. Then seven. Then ten. My phone buzzed. @tonedefteddy accepted your request. Another buzz. A message. tonedefteddy: so you do stalk. was starting to worry I imagined the whole stage thing. I laughed, low and quiet. Then stared at the message like it might explode if I touched it wrong. me: guilty. but I’ve seen the video—pretty sure I was the imaginary one. nice username btw. self-aware is sexy.

The answer is ‘usually a lot’. “So what was the worst situation it has gotten you into?” I ask after a pause. He thinks for a while and says, “My friends thought it would be fun to watch me evade a girl who stalked me real bad. They never informed me if she was around. Even though I begged them to. If I had any idea about her nature, I wouldn’t have dated her.” “Wow, was she beautiful?” Don’t judge! I like to gossip. OK!! “Yea... But sometimes things don’t click, you know.” He adds after a pause, “Girl stalking a guy might sound funny, but it isn’t. People usually don’t take it seriously if it happens to a guy.”

This man seemed to be in his mid-twenties, short, lean, and didn’t radiate off dark aura. Stopping in front of me, he shoved one glass toward me, “Cheers?” I opened my mouth to decline him, but then a strange feeling slithered inside me. My stalker was here. And he was watching me. Fine. If he wanted a show, I’d give him one. I’d provoke him. Push him so far that he’d cripple out of the shadows and finally reveal himself after a long, sickening game of cat and mouse. So I did it. Taking the glass from the stranger, I clinked it against his and exclaimed, “Cheers,” before downing it in one go.