Funny Texts Novels & Stories

"I wouldn't be with a monster like you even if the world was ending and you were the last of the male specie!" That is what she said to him but life took a funny turn from there. Luka Vladimir is your typical Alpha, leading the most ruthless and largest pack ever known. He is 35 and still hasn't found his mate. He was getting restless in finding his luna but when he finally finds her, he wishes he hadn't! Venus Gracia is the exact opposite of anything a Luna should be known as. No, she isn't weak, unwanted and the trash of the town. She is haughty, conceited, and a full-blown feminist human! Born out of old money her only ambiance was to seize the reins of her father's company and she would stop at nothing in this misogynist world to prove her worth. Together they could ruin empires or could lead them to novel peaks but one thing was for sure, together they were explosive!

My name is Ella Grace Johnson. I'm just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life of an artist, until cancer forces me into an extraordinary situation. Desperate for medical treatment, I find myself in a fake marriage with Adrian Charles Montgomery, a billionaire CEO with a hidden struggle - sex addiction. It's supposed to be a simple arrangement, a means to an end. But life has a funny way of complicating things. Adrian is nothing like I expected. Behind his CEO persona, he's caring, considerate, and surprisingly understanding. But his addiction brings a new set of challenges to our relationship. As we go through this deception, I find myself drawn to him. But our secret is exposed, and I'm sent away, leaving my heart with Adrian. Now, I'm not just fighting for my life, but also for a love that was never supposed to happen. Can we turn our fake marriage into a real one? Or will our love story end before it even begins?

Cesari Islan Sandoval is a drop dead gorgeous multi billionaire playboy who can get any lady he wants at the snap of his fingers but doesn't do relationships until he meets Elyon Devane a single mom who is in need of a job. He feels drawn to her which is something that has never happened to him before so without thinking he gives her the job as his personal assistant thinking he could seduce her into sleeping with him but she turns out to be a hard nut to crack. He falls in love with her five years old daughter and though he doesn't consider himself a daddy material,he finds himself wishing he is her daughter's father. Funny enough he finds out that he is indeed her daughter's father which causes him to have a rethink much to the chagrin of his lover Antoinette Montalvo.

Night Stalker Series 3: Forrest Wood is an enigmatic tattooed bartender who lives in two worlds to protect someone he loves. He never questions his self-control over temptations while searching for answers for half his life. Until something has changed in a woman, he’s been keeping tabs for a while. When he’s finally ready to deal with his feelings, he knows nothing can be easy in his life—it only complicates his plans and his secrets that Megan might not accept who truly he is. A flirty, blunt, and funny, Megan Simons built her walls over relationships until her life crumbles down in front of her. Forrest comes to the rescue. She finds him intriguing and beyond attractive. When she starts bringing her walls down, she finds herself in a situation where Forrest Wood is more than what meets the eye.

I never thought one broken promise could shatter my world twice. His name was Marcus. He swore he’d stay in touch when he left for that “year-long business trip.” Three months later, silence. No calls, no texts, nothing. On my birthday, drunk and done with heartbreak, I went home with a stranger. One reckless night. I slipped out before dawn, leaving a fake name. No more men. No more drama. Then the perfect job fell into my lap: personal assistant to Victoria Langford, a young, filthy-rich heiress. Live-in position, great pay, exactly what my sick little sister and I needed. I moved in, ready for a fresh start. Until I walked into her mansion and saw him. Marcus. In her arms. My fiancé was her boyfriend. Rage burned through me, but I swallowed it. I needed this job. He begged forgiveness, fed me lies about a big contract, how he never stopped loving me. Weak, stupid, lonely. I fell back into him. Secret touches, stolen nights, right under her nose. Then everything exploded. I came home to blood and sirens. Marcus swore he didn’t know what happened. But when the police started digging, he pointed the finger at me. How do I escape this? Who's the father of the child growing inside of me?

Based on the untrue writings of the Satanic Panic. The Satanic Panic was a moral outcry in the United States over supposed “satanic” influence in media that were warping the youth of America. Claims that playing an elf in Dungeons and Dragons could lead to demonic possession, that playing heavy metal music backwards would reveal satanic messages, and that therapists could uncover repressed memories of satanic ritual abuse, were all too common. Volumes and volumes of material were produced on this fake subject. These texts lead to What Hell May Come, which takes a look at what the world would actually be like if all of the claims of the satanic panic were true. Set in 1986, Jon St. Fond’s life is a living Hell. Deliberately abused and neglected by his parents, the only joy he has in life is an escape into a fantasy land of role playing games. Soon he discovers that his parents are part of a secret occult religion with hidden ties all across the world. As Jon and his friends dig, they learn more of the secret history of the world and discover the power of making deals with creatures from Beyond. However, power has its price, as Jon and his friends quickly discover. One-by-one they begin to become consumed by their own desires and hatreds. Jon learns there is method behind the madness of his life, as his Father begins to bring him closer and closer into the ways of the cult. Ultimately, Jon must make a choice between all the pleasures of the earth and the future of his soul. ©️ Crystal Lake Publishing

Tara’s mother and sister are both Lunar Wolves, blessed by the Moon Goddess with unique abilities. Tara seems to be an ordinary werewolf, but as she comes of age and welcomes her charismatic wolf, Trinity, her quiet life in Blue Moon is turned upside down. When she finds her mate, she’s catapulted into the spotlight, into a fairy tale with dark undercurrents she never saw coming. The threat of war looms, as her sister Talia prepares to become one of the first female Alphas, a controversial break with tradition that faces formidable resistance. Tara uncovers long buried secrets, a cryptic prophecy that unexpectedly awakens something dormant, and finds herself at the forefront as winds of change sweep through Lycan and Werewolf society. This is a story full of twists, turns, and laugh out loud funny moments. If you’re ready for a fast paced and thought provoking romantic comedy with plenty of drama and action, this novel is a fun must-read.

“And that is the reason why I said those words. I like your fear, not because it is a normal thing. I love it because deep down you are a monster like me, schiava. You fear me on a primal level, you can feel my power and dominance, and you know you aren’t the strongest here. So you don’t fear Renzo Valentino the human, you fear the monster that lurks inside.” My life changed the night of my birthday. What started as a funny dare ended with blood and having a price on my head. I thought Renzo was the hero who saved me that night, but he was the devil who owned me forever. I, Misha Yakov, princess of the Russian mafia became Renzo Valentino's slave. He broke me, tortured me, and molded me into something new, something I hated and craved at the same time. I, Misha Yakov became my master's pet.

Emilia Burke is a young and advanced college student with an eye for trouble. Ever since her last year in high school, when the only man she ever loved disappeared without a single glance, she has been an expert at evading heartbreak. And hasn't formed a meaningful connection since. Sure, she's young, funny, pretty, and too smart, but she has kept her love interests at a distance and kept everything simple. Fun. No feelings attached. But now, with as much ease as when he disappeared, Leon Maverick has returned to her life as a successful and sexy business tycoon. He's determined to win back the girl whom once had given her all for him, but there's a problem when she can't even stand the idea of him. If only she would give, but there's just something... Something about Leon. And maybe, he'll break through her barriers one last time.

By day, Carlotta spins stories. By night, she serves drinks. Her life was simple. Until her good-for-nothing brother offered her as collateral to pay off a massive gambling debt to a ruthless underground casino. Now she's the reluctant fiancée of a powerful mafioso rumored to have a cruel streak... and a bedroom secret that's the talk of the criminal underworld: erectile dysfunction. Carlotta would've found it funny if it weren't her life on the line. To make things worse, fate throws in another complication: her dangerously attractive new driver-slash-bodyguard. With abs worthy of a thirst trap and a face that screams "Asgardian demigod". He's the kind of temptation a woman in her situation absolutely does not need. Just when she thinks it couldn't get more absurd, her cold, mysterious fiancé summons her to his penthouse suite with one chilling demand: He wants a taste of what's been promised. Her.