Here I Am Once Again Torn Into Pieces Novels & Stories

Whatever I am— Whatever they made me— I know one thing now. The truth isn’t just dangerous. It’s already tearing me apart.

How did everything fall apart? I was alone. Irreparably, completely alone. No Creed. No Lily. No Grandpa. I was a ghost in my own goddamn life. And it hurt. More than anything. Maybe I had it coming. Maybe this was karma, slapping me in the face. But God, it fucking hurt. I didn't know where I was going, or what I would do next. I just knew… I had to keep going. Even if it killed me. My life was like one of those vintage mirrors in secondhand stores — cracked, ugly, jagged on the outside, but somehow still reflecting a piece of me that I couldn't stand to see.

My mind replayed every moment of the day—the roses scattering on the ground, the vows I didn’t mean, the kiss that wasn’t a kiss, the look in Kenneth’s eyes when he said he didn’t choose this either. I thought of the girl I had been before all this. The girl who once dreamed of freedom, of healing, of maybe even love. And I realized that girl was gone. In her place was a woman bound by broken pieces, tied to a man who carried his own shattered past. And I didn’t know if we would destroy each other—or if, somehow, those broken pieces might fit together. But tonight, all I knew was that I wasn’t ready to find out. So I closed my eyes, clutching the pillow like it could keep me whole.

All I can see in my mind right now is him and his messy hairs and his black clothes and those piercing eyes that shot right through me into my heart, just to rip it apart. I try to gather all the broken pieces and sew them together but it does not make sense. None of it does. Neither the broken pieces nor the figure I try to make. It is like I would have to run to the monster himself to get it back. "You ruined me." I whisper to myself as a tear travelled all the way from my closed eyes down to my cheek. I did not even realised I was crying until now. I do not seem tl realise anything now a days until it's done. I have not forget about him. Neither I am over him, if anything I am just gettin

Then rupture. A violent split. Power tearing itself apart. Fragments scattering some fading, some surviving. And at the center of it something holding on. Refusing to disappear. Refusing to end. Becoming what it is now. I gasped as the images flooded through me, the weight of them pressing against my mind. “You weren’t created,” I said, the realization forming as the images settled. “You survived.” Yes. The answer was immediate. “And now you’re trying to rebuild yourself from what’s left.”

Kael demanded. I stared at the fragment, my heart racing. “It’s real,” I said. “That’s not helpful.” “It was one,” I continued, trying to steady my breathing. “All of it. Not separate. Not divided.” Silas’s expression darkened slightly. “And now?” “Now it’s broken,” I said. “Split into pieces.” Kael looked at the fragment again. “And this is one of them.” “Yes.” Silas’s grip tightened slightly. “How many?”

Insects buzz between leaves, making their own sweet melody. It’s so beautiful it hurts. I don’t get to have beautiful things. Not since the night my life cracked in half and the red wouldn't come off my hands. Not since I watched my family torn to pieces by something I still can’t name, not since the sirens and the silence and the lonely years that followed. The dark fog where my meagre good memories are buried. No friends, no roots, no softness. Just me. I sniff one. Then again.

It was like drowning in a pool with no bottom. I leaned my head back against the wall. “Why am I always the one who ruins everything?” I muttered. “Why do I bring nothing but pain to the people I love?” I closed my eyes, forcing the tears back. “I’m so tired,” I whispered. “So tired of fighting, of hurting, of being hurt.” Then I saw it. Just a flicker of metal in the corner of the room. It had been there the whole time, I think—maybe tucked beneath the edge of the pallet they’d given me to sleep on. A piece of something broken. Jagged. Sharp.

Like I was a stranger who’d just torn her world in half and put it back together all wrong. I saved her but I think I might have broken us. What the fuck did I just do?

I confessed, tears prickling the corners of my eyes. “I didn’t think. I was just… lost. I still am. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I thought I had it all figured out, I used to think that am strong enough to handle any challenge that life throws at me. But I don’t think I can do it anymore, I’m tired and broken. I’m hanging on a thin thread here, I’m barely holding it together as it is.