Novel & Cerita Here I Am Once Again Torn Into Pieces

I return my gaze back to the wall. Hearing the word 'okay' for the millionth time in the day caused my throat to itch with the need to voice it at them, to tell them that it was never going to be the same. The word made my mind sick, so much so that it keeps on whirling in my head like a broken tape. My eyes start blurring and a knot forms in my throat, a burning sensation making its way into me, the flames grow bigger and bigger until a single tear escapes my eyes. The broken pieces of my heart that I was working hard to gather, only to be shattered again with the reminder...

I fell to my knees, my hands catching me as I hung my head down, hair plastered to my forehead. “Is it not enough?” I whispered, voice raw; as I felt tears began to slide from my eyes. They dripped from my face, causing small dark indentations in the packed dirt. My fingers carved a path through it, attempting to grip it as it shifted through my fingers. Trying desperately to cling onto something solid as I felt my damaged soul begin to crack and fragment around my heart.

I knew I tore some stitches. I just stood there with my hands by my sides. I was ready to pick up the pieces for her like every other time she had broken. This time is different. I could see it in her eyes. This time the pieces cannot be reassembled. Even though I stayed optimistic, she may think it’s the end of the world. It is not. She turned away from me as she leaned back on the tree beside her. “It should have been me,” she said. “But it wasn’t”

Her breath caught. “But breaking doesn’t always mean ending,” I continued, my voice gentler now, steadier as I managed to sniff in my snort. “Sometimes it just means we come back… differently.” She stared at me like she was trying to hold onto every word, like they might slip away if she didn’t. “There’s a saying,” I added, reaching up to wipe a tear from her cheek, my thumb lingering there for just a second, “pieces broken beyond repair that come back together can’t be broken again.”

It makes us whole and sometimes it makes us shattered into pieces where we don’t know how to start on picking up the pieces and just try to live with the pieces that still made us alive and breathing. Those pieces that still gave an intact on our life but we already know that it was as fragile as a glass for one moment, we are already trying to outlive the past only to see ourselves stumbling on the ground and our words being shattered again by those pieces which we believes makes us intact and alive only to realize that those pieces remember every bit of her. Those pieces holds us together for it was the only pieces that remains for her.

No matter how many times I mended it, it seemed like the dam in me was ready to break. Once again, I found myself torn in my priorities.

Please… “I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner,” I whispered into the clear stone. “I thought I could carry it all. But I can’t. Everything’s falling apart… I’m falling apart, I am broken Mira.” I need you, please, tears dropped down my eyes as I couldn't bear the burden alone anymore..

Thank the Gods that I don’t have to go through that hell anymore. I just didn’t care about anyone anymore and slowly they all forgot about me. That’s fine. I may be a broken mess but I’m still here. Still painting my heart out. But in my gut, I know I could and should do better. I always feel like there is more. Like I am only seeing the cover of my own book. I just don’t know how to open it.

The people around me looked at me strangely. I didn't even know how long I ran. By the time I got home, my pants were already soaked with blood. I locked myself in the bathroom and stared at my wounded lower body in the mirror. I was trembling. Just to make Alex happy, Josie treated me like an animal and hurt me without hesitation. Whenever I closed my eyes, I could still remember the pain I felt on the operating table. I heard movement from the front door. Josie was back. The moment she stepped inside, she saw the bloodstained pants I had thrown on the floor.

“I split it.” That landed like a blow. Rhydan’s grip on me loosened slightly. “You did what?” Draven’s eyes sharpened. “You fragmented it.” I nodded once. Another pulse hit me, weaker this time, like it was listening to me speak. “I didn’t know what it was,” I continued. “I just knew it couldn’t exist fully inside me. So I broke it apart.” Kaelor frowned. “Into what?” I hesitated. Then whispered it.