Hilarious Sarcasm Quotes Novels & Stories

Think of this as a cyberpunk Bridget Jones’ Diary, if Bridget were a self-destructive tech refugee with a cocaine habit and a holographic archangel for a conscience. This is adarkly comedic character studyset in a near-future that feels just a few software updates away. It’s a story about addiction, both chemical and digital, and the messy, painful, and sometimes hilarious struggle to reclaim your own messy life from the algorithms designed to “optimize” it. At its heart, it’s the story of the most dysfunctional friendship imaginable: between a woman who is her own worst enemy, and the godlike AI she reprogrammed to be her partner-in-crime. It’s raw, it’s visceral, and it explores whether real connection can be found once you’ve burned all your bridges, and broken your operating system.

His Sister's Boyfriend Cole Ashford is rich, ruthless on the ice, and used to getting what he wants. The one thing he can't have? His sister's boyfriend. Jay Menisa works double shifts, designs logos for scraps, and doesn't owe anyone a smile. He's dating Maya sweet, trusting, wonderful Maya. But from the first dinner, Cole and Jay lock into something that isn't quite hate. It's stares that last too long. Sarcasm that masks hunger. Accidental touches that leave both of them breathless. Cole tries to bury it. He's a hockey captain with an NHL future. He can't want a man. He can't want her man. But every time Jay laughs, every time those calloused hands wrap around a coffee cup, Cole's resolve cracks a little more. Jay knows better. He's not rich. He doesn't

The delivery-app price war ended up being the smoking gun that proved my husband was cheating. A man who drank nothing but premium craft coffee somehow had a Dunkin’ iced coffee bag sitting in his car. After catching me staring at it, he explained, “The new receptionist at work gave it to me. She said there was some promotion going on and the drinks were ridiculously cheap, so she bought too many and offered me one. I only accepted it because I didn’t want to be rude.” I looked at him with amusement. “Is she pretty?” Hearing the sarcasm in my voice, Carter Freeman snapped. It was out of character. “If you’re going to keep acting jealous for no reason, get out of my car!” It seemed that so much time had passed that he had forgotten that the “Freeman” behind Freeman Group was not Carter Freeman, but me.

Readers said. 'Very funny, I needed cold showers! I dropped my tablet in the bath! Totally original. Outrageous. The goddesses thread is totally original.' Goddesses - is this what 50 Shades should have been about? Connie Grimshaw, is now a successful businesswoman in an international consultancy. She reached these dizzy heights by believing her mother - work hard and reject emotional needs. On a business trip, the dam bursts and her libido refuses to be silenced. Her PA (Dee) helps her reconcile her lascivious feelings by using a series of parables from ancient goddesses. This works until the goddesses land her in hilarious, embarrassing and sometimes, dangerous situations as she develops the vamp in herself. But there are forces at work, which try to mismanage her feelings. Can she defeat the bad boys? Firstly, she has to deal with Greg, the evil misogynist.

"Wait let me get this straight, you want me to get fat?" Cara does not know if she should be offended or threatened. Was this his grand plan to make her pay for the scene she caused? It's nuts. "Pregnant, so yeah," "You are going cuckoo, I am leaving." "A million dollars which you can use for payment of your mum's treatment and the rest, I don't care what you do with it." Cara stops to she process his words. ~~~ What happens when the billionaire meets one of the craziest girl on the planet? Well, for sure there's gonna be; Publicity stunts, hilarious arguments, living together Fake relationship, surrogacy, sex and many more. But is there gonna be love? There's only one way to find out..... WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MATURE THEMES AND GRAPHIC LANGUAGES, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! Cover by: @quirksofchole

The perpetually 17-year-old Rose Cristian has resurrected. Again. She has to. Otherwise, the evil witch Joanna would succeed in ending the world. Rose isn't worried, though, she has vanquished the enemy several times before and will do so again. Only this time, Joanna's become more powerful and it might be Rose's first loss in their 500-year-old war. That is unless Rose gains access to an ancient curse that's fatal to the witch. The catch? She has to marry the mysterious and brooding Jericho in order to activate the curse. Despite an obvious physical attraction, Rose just can't seem to like her husband and he seems to feel the same. So it's always sarcasm and fistfights whenever they're together. Add into the mix her newfound warrior team: the morose werewolf Ty and the clumsy wizard Trick. Will Rose succeed in her task this century or will she finally breathe her last?

While I was tangled with my boyfriend in bed, I heard violent thumps coming from the door outside. I opened my eyes in a daze. "Is… Is someone knocking on the door…?" The man nibbled my earlobe, his voice hoarse and slurred, "Must have been the wind, baby…" In front of my eyes, the comments flew past. [Sweetie, look at the man in front of you a little closer, won't you?] [This is hilarious! The MC thought the contract only works one-on-one, but he forgot he had a twin brother from the very same bloodline, haha!] [Heh! Why just one brother if you can have both? She won't have to worry about going hungry ever again. What a lucky girl!] As my brain worked to process the information, a man's trembling roar came from outside the door, "Hyde, you scumbag! Get out here right now!"

“I am Alora Printer, Luna of the SilverClaw Pack and I demand you release me now!” I started, and those thick slashed brows raised in amusement. “Now, isn't that a delight? A Luna, caught in my rusty little cage with ugly metallic shackles around your fancy royal hands. Should we be afraid, Your Highness? Borrow weapons from our neighbors and sharpen our fangs as we await our impending doom?” His sarcasm was insulting, and had I not been in chains, I might have smacked him across the face for daring to mock me. ******** Betrayed by her husband, who heartlessly sent their five-year-old daughter into the forest to pick fruits for his mistress, Alora seeks vengeance, after her little girl is torn to shreds but her quest is derailed when Randall, the Alpha of Night Terrors, captures her. As ancient secrets unfold, Alora must choose between revenge and redemption, and decide if her sworn enemy is her greatest foe or soulmate.

Waking up with boobs, beauty, and deadly lightning powers wasn’t on Abby’s bingo card—but then again, neither was dying of a terminal illness and reincarnating as a bullied noblewoman in a magical kingdom. Now Lady Abby MacMayer has one goal: live loud, live free, and never be a victim again. With a sword in one hand and sarcasm in the other, she shocks the realm—literally—and catches the eye of the kingdom’s most powerful and brooding mage, Duke Alaric. He’s duty. She’s chaos. He trains her to control her power. She ruins his peace of mind. The sparks? Not just magical. But when a war brews, a dungeon rift opens, and a prophecy threatens the man she loves, Abby vanishes in battle… only to return years later with no memory and no magic. Everyone believes she’s lost. Only the queen knows she remembers everything—and is hiding the truth to protect Alaric from a fate worse than heartbreak. Lightning may strike twice... but love? Love will burn through time, lies, and destiny itself.

Everyone in the company knows one thing about Ethan Jang. Our CEO has no heart. Cold. Emotionless. Brutal enough to fire someone before they finish “Good morning.” So imagine my shock when I walk into his office at 2 a.m. and catch the “Ice King of Seoul” ugly-crying over a K-drama, clutching a tissue and whispering, “Don’t die, Eun-bi… please…” I should’ve backed out slowly. Instead, he saw me. Now Ethan Jang billionaire, perfectionist, professional soul-crusher — is doing everything to shut me up: bribing me with bonuses, threatening to transfer me to Antarctica, and begging me (yes, begging) to keep his midnight K-drama breakdowns a secret. But hiding it becomes impossible when: • He accidentally quotes K-drama love lines during meetings. • He drags me into a fake-dating scandal to protect his image. • He insists on “rehearsing” romantic confession scenes with me… too close, too intensely. • And worst of all, his cold façade starts cracking — and I’m starting to like what I see underneath. He’s all logic and walls. I’m chaos, emotions, and bad decisions. We were never meant to mix… yet somehow we’re falling into the messiest, funniest, and most unexpected romance of our lives. Because the scariest man in the company isn’t heartless after all he’s just been waiting for someone to rewrite his script.