I Hate To Admit It Novels & Stories

If Maverick was saying something like that, then maybe he realized that he’d truly crossed the line. But even as I opened my mouth, I knew I was going to hate myself for it. “Okay,” I lied through my teeth. “I won’t.”

I hate that I like the way he kisses me. I hate the way he makes me feel. I hate that I like him. Admitting to all of these now is making things more real. Things that I’ve been keeping, hiding, and avoiding… for the longest time now. Ugh! Moon Goddess! Help me! How am I going to survive Cillian—I mean, this summit?

The joke is on me big time. I want to hate him. I really want to but now I realize I can't. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. How can I when the mere mention of his name makes me wet and helpless with the need for him!? When the thought of him makes me weak with warmth, and tenderness, and... Love. I just love the bastard. I'm incapable of hating him. 'I love you, Thor Reginald Quinn!' I shout in my mind. 'Since hating you is not working then I give up trying to hate you, you bastard! Satisfied!?'

I smiled bitterly, what's not to believe about that, it's the truth anyway. He hated me, my parents hated me. I hate myself, everyone hates me. What else could I expect? No one ever wants to accept me in their lives. It's my destiny to be hated by everyone, that's not new to me. It's always like this, same old shit.

"What could have made it fall like that? I really hope I can get it fixed." Shaking my head, I put my hand on my forehead and stumble into the bathroom, grabbing my toothbrush as if it were a weapon. My head is still pounding loudly; I can almost hear its drum solo. There are three things I hate most in this world. Okay. "Hate" is too strong a word. Let’s say “something I struggle to tolerate.” Number one: waking up with a hangover. Number two: losing my favorite things. And number three... oh God, my brother Jeremy Clemson.

“I tried to provoke you into showing some real emotion, but you’re even more stubborn than I am! You’re crazy about her, whether you admit it or not! And what pisses me off the most is that you won’t even admit it to yourself! Why?” “I don’t know…” “You do know!” Nazar snapped. “Say it! Let it out and move on!” What does he want me to say? I like Vicky—a lot, even more than that… but something holds me back. And suddenly… I understood. “I’m afraid to admit it,” I whispered, closing my eyes and pressing my fingers to them. “It’s like… if I don’t acknowledge it, then it’s not real. It can’t hurt me.” “Why?” Nazar frowned, his voice softening, his stare more attentive than before.

Sara's footsteps halted once again, her heart skipping a beat as she absorbed the weight of his declaration. "I know I'm late in realizing it, Sara. I'm sorry for not understanding my feelings sooner. I'm sorry for our fights and for not being there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry I didn't stop you when you were leaving," Austin's voice cracked with emotion, his words spilling out in a rush.

I said finally, surprising myself. He rose slowly, like he didn't quite trust the invitation, and crossed the room until he stood a careful distance away. Close enough to reach me. Far enough that I could still breathe. "I keep trying to hate you," I admitted, my voice cracking. "It would be so much easier if I could just hate you." "You should." His voice was low, rough. "I'd understand it." "But every time I try, I think about Kian sliding that block across the floor. I think about Zuri calling me Mommy before she even knew my name. And I can't-" My throat closed around the rest of it.

“I said I’m fine.” My voice cracked. And that was worse somehow. Because now he knew I was lying. Ares’s expression softened. “You don’t have to pretend with me.” That nearly broke me. Because if he had said it any differently Kinder, softer, sweeter I might have. Instead, I straightened. Forced breath into my lungs. Forced steel back into my spine. “I hate him,” I said quietly. The confession slipped out before I could stop it. Pure hate. Burning.

A long, shaky exhale that emptied every thought out of my lungs. God help me. I hated to admit it. Hated it more than anything. But I think I’m falling in love with him.