I'm Alive But Im Actually Dying Novels & Stories

Laughing until our sides hurt. Waking up next to him every morning. A future. A life. A forever with him by my side. “How did it come to this?” I choked out, slamming a fist weakly against the floor. “How the hell am I alone in a supply closet—dying?! At twenty-fucking-five?!” My voice cracked into a scream. “I don’t want to die!” I curled in on myself. “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t—”

Both of my hands support my weight, I feel like I will collapse if I stand on my own. "I miss you, love, Please come back to me, "I say to no one. It feels like I'm dying a slow death. Like someone is using a knife to cut my body into pieces. Making sure I die a slow painful death. Right now I wish I have died because the pain is too much to bear. "What is happening to me?"

I try to move my fingers… just a little… just enough to let her know I’m still here… but my body refuses to listen. I try to respond, but nothing comes out. Only blood. Only pain. I'm trying so hard to keep my eyes open, to stay awake. Not yet… I can’t die yet… not while she’s still here… not while she needs me… But why do I feel like I'm going to pass away anytime soon??

Even stretching is hard. I lay there for a while before realization hit me like a bus. Well, a bus has not hit me, and I never want to experience it, but ya’ll get my point. I’M ALIVE!! HAH! I’m too pretty to be gone in this world. I don’t know whether I should be happy because I really thought that I was going to die. I don’t even know what to do now. I don’t have afterlife plans. Wait, so if I died in that world, then… AM I BACK?!

Everyone surrounding me was doing a perfect job of deceiving me. I couldn’t stop crying. My heart was aching, sobbing hard, tears streaming hot. Somebody please wake me up. It must be a dream, I'm dying. Please wake me. And then finally, it hit me. It’s reality, I'm not dreaming and I know I'm dying already because my heart is hurting, fucking hurting and I won’t die alone. I clean my face, and the tears in my eyes come to a stop. I exhale hard and put everything back to its place. I shot the trunk and released a hot breath.

Little by little, a light invade the sight of my eye. A tree? How come, I'm seeing a tree? And a sky that so blue, it's peaceful and refreshing. A sudden wind blew out of nowhere. It chills me up. I can finally feel my self. Wait? did I really say that? Feel my self? As far as I can remember, I already died. I got drowned from the river,by saving the boy. So it means I'm hundred percent dead! But what is it I'm feeling right now? Did I got dump to hell? God! Why? Am I not welcome in your kingdom?! I'm starting to over think the happenings. It's not good.

But even that moment of connection—Even that small reminder of life— Couldn’t erase the heaviness inside me. Because the truth was still there. Bigger than everything else. Louder than everything else. I opened my eyes slowly. “I’m already dying… ” I whispered. The words came out so quietly it almost scared me. My throat tightened. “This cancer… ” I continued, voice shaking now, “it’s eating me up already… little by little. ” I pressed a hand to my chest, as if I could feel it. As if I could stop it. But I couldn’t.

“You’re not going to die today.” *** I woke up dripping with sweat. My entire body felt like burning from the inside, yet I was shivering, and chilling from the outside. I licked my dry lips, as parched as if I was left to die somewhere in the desert. How was I still alive? Was I still alive? I heard murmurs from behind the walls. I turned and twisted in bed. My chest was so painful that it was run over by a truck, and flattened by a roller. When my body trembled again, I mumbled, “Mom.”

“ Yes, and you know what? I'm actually prepared to die, because life definitely isn't worth living anymore.” *Wait,what?*

The crackling of the music muted, overshadowed by the weight of the unknown. My deep voice resonated through the quietness, enveloping every inch of the camp with a mixture of shock and disbelief. Those words were like shards of ice, piercing deeply into the hearts of those gathered. "I am dying," I announced, my voice faltering slightly. A collective gasp escaped the crowd, echoing through the trees as they stood frozen, processing the magnitude of this revelation.