I'm Alive But Im Actually Dying Novels & Stories

Light. Darkness. Light. Darkness. Light. Darkness. That is all I have been seeing. I think I may have died and become stuck between the living and the dead. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I may be a fighter, but now I am so tired of fighting. My body is exhausted. I just want to leave. Nobody will miss me—maybe only Mom and Marcus because they are the only family I have left. There’s that beeping sound again, and then the light comes.

There's so much I haven't done yet. There's so much I haven't felt yet. A stream of hot tears flow down my cheeks. "I really don't want to die, especially not here. And not like this." I choke on the lucrid smell of my burning flesh, as I watch my legs disappear alongside a part of my abdomen. "Anybody out there, I don't want to die... please..." I beg whatever god would lend an ear to my broken pleas. “Me…lin…da. I’m…so.. sorry…”

I try to get away from it, to get up, but I can't. Something is holding me down. It pulls on my neck, and suddenly, I feel a sharp pain. I feel a warm liquid pouring down my fur. It is running down my neck and over my back, and I am struggling to breathe. I try to move, but my body won't respond. This is it, I think. I can't move. I can't breathe. I can't see. I am dying. Maybe it's a blessing. Maybe it's what I deserve.

"Ah, ah, ah... Save me, save me! Who can save me? Pain, pain, I'm in so much pain! Please save me, or kill me, don't let me continue to live in this state! If I live like this, I would rather die, I really would rather die!" "Kill me, kill me! In my current state, can I still be alive? In my current state, I am already dead! Living like this is better than dying! Someone, come and kill me! Living like this, I really don't want it, I really want to die. Please, someone, come and kill me, kill me!"

Maybe days. The Absolute knows. I can feel it watching. Waiting. Patient. Knowing my dying moment approaches. Knowing desperation comes. Knowing immunity fails when death is imminent. Knowing it wins. Soon. Finally. Inevitably. "You look tired." Kai says. This morning's Kai. Who chose me. Who believes me. Who loves me. For today. Until midnight. Until forgetting. "Are you okay?" "I'm dying." I tell him. No point hiding it. "The daily stress. The constant battles. The years of suffering. It's killing me. Faster than normal aging. Faster than it should. I'm dying. Soon."

The only thing left in my body is my spirit, because I'm not dead yet. “3” “Dora!” Lazarus’s voice echoes in my head. “One has to die.” “Rig-ht…” I repeat weakly. “One - has - to - die…” “And that's not fucking me!”

I try to fight once again to save myself, but it is useless. Chains are already holding me in place. I turn my eyes around and tears find my eyes. My mind registers that this is my last final resting place. I feel sad at the thought of my reality. This is my grave… They are burying me in here like a dead person. They are burying me with no mercy or compassion for me as one of them. They could not wait for me to die. They are burying me in here right now, while I am still alive and still breathing.

“Remember my words Hey world—life is precious. For yes, I remember I attempted suicide but to live for this day is such a big joy, I will fight death, death I will fight, yes I need to save a lady, my love, but how? She is not the same case of suicide as me; she is a serious cancer patient though she wants to live. She does really respire for life, then we all respire for life. I mean she still breathes, she should survive. I will see to it, she is alive.” “Alive like sound. Alive like noise that helps us but disturbs the rebellious neighbor. Ha! ha! ha! I still can speak of jokes there is still joy in me. What a coincidence I am alive and so is Honey. We both are fighting. As a schizophreni

I cried a lot. I was sick of people leaving me. I was sick of experiencing deaths. It seemed like I was really cursed. Because nobody wants to stay with me. They are leaving me and by doing it, they are giving me a hole, which makes me cry every time I remember about it being empty.

I try to move my fingers… just a little… just enough to let her know I’m still here… but my body refuses to listen. I try to respond, but nothing comes out. Only blood. Only pain. I'm trying so hard to keep my eyes open, to stay awake. Not yet… I can’t die yet… not while she’s still here… not while she needs me… But why do I feel like I'm going to pass away anytime soon??