Novel & Cerita Never Knew What I Needed

Later that night while I was trying to sleep I get a message from Keith. It was a meme it said, "The most beautiful part of loving a guarded girl is this: When she let's you in, it's not because she needs you. She stopped needing people a long time ago. It's because she wants you. And that- That is the purest love of all."- unknown. I went to sleep after reading that and finally rested easy knowing that there was a man out there who knew all my ugly and still wanted to love me. I woke up knowing that I was going to give Keith a chance and pray he doesn't hurt me.

I knew how to do that. I didn’t know how to comfort Chelsea. I didn’t have a clue how to be the man she needed right now. I'm

I needed a drive, a reason to live. But I couldn’t see any.

"And now? What do you think now? What do you feel? What do you know? What have you learned? What has changed? What has shifted? What has opened? What has broken open? What has healed?" "Now I know I didn't understand anything. I didn't know what I was missing. I didn't know what I was searching for. I didn't know what I was waiting for. I didn't know what I was afraid of. I didn't know what I needed. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what love really was. I didn't know what it meant to love someone completely. I didn't know what it meant to give someone everything. I didn't know what it meant to be vulnerable. I didn't know what it meant to be truly seen."

What if it was us? With every passing day, I knew one thing for sure—we needed to figure this out. But I didn’t know how. And neither did he.

Waiting. For what, I didn’t know. But I was going to find out.

“What is it?” Now… I was really looking at him very attentively. His way of asking that question put me on full alert. At that moment I didn't know how to explain that tone of voice and God only knows how much I wanted to answer him, to tell him exactly what I wanted and needed. That blissful question was thrown on my table and bounced against my temples in a deadly, agonizing way. What did I need, what did I need?! Pay for dinner and go to sleep? That's all? There, thinking about the answer and watching him deign to wait for me, I did not take my eyes off his. “I want to start over. In my life, I want to start over once again" I whispered without warning.

And if I never replied to him, how would he know that was what I needed? But I was too uncertain of myself. What if he had changed his mind? What if he betrayed me again? Ugh. So many ridiculous things to consider. How was I supposed to maneuver in a world I had never been a part of before? Up until a couple months ago, my worst thing to figure out was what to wear to school. I needed advice and had nobody to ask.

I knew I wasn’t innocent in things, but it was like no one could understand me or my needs. What was wrong with just wanting to be accepted for me and to have someone genuinely care about me? I might not know what I wanted from Izariah, but I did feel like she would be the one to accept me or at least understand me. The more I thought about it though, the less I was convinced that she could. I suppose that I had hoped that she would. Now more frustrated, I came to the realization that I didn’t know what I wanted or what I was feeling, or even what I thought. Everything involving Izariah was a complete mystery.

Then he forgot why was he there. He could feel some sadness in the heart, knowing some physiology from before he understood that this was a sadness risen out of the anger at some helplessness. There were a few difficulties, and he soon forgot about that. Then he wondered once more. “I don’t know what my name is” While the man present with Yushin and Luke was worried that there was no news and he was watching the time again and again, which Yushin and Luke seemed happy to see. However, that soon ended. He ordered to send them immediately.