Period Jokes

When the half-mile sprint test is about to begin, Quiana Sullivan, the class president, and I have applied to be exempted from it. My own mother, who's the homeroom teacher of my class, approves Quiana's application with a smile. But she then throws mine to the floor. "You're having a chest pain, you say? I can't believe you're able to come up with such lies just to avoid the half-mile sprint! I'd have known if you had a heart condition! "Quiana is weak by nature, not to mention she's on her period right now, so she can't handle the agony. What about you, hmm? You've always been perfectly healthy, yet now you're telling me that you're suffering from heart pain? "Don't go around embarrassing me just because you want to slack off! I don't want others claiming that I'm being biased toward my own child! As long as you're still alive and kicking, you must finish the half-mile course no matter what!" Left without a choice, I can only return to the field. The cold wind makes me feel even dizzier now. My heart keeps contracting uncontrollably against my will. Suddenly, it just stops pumping. The next thing I know, I collapse onto the grassy field heavily. When my consciousness is about to flicker to darkness, my mom finally walks over to me. But she merely kicks my arm with a frown on her face, and her tone remains glacial. "Stop playing dead. Get up right now." She doesn't realize that I can never open my eyes ever again. Isn't this great, Mom? No one will ever claim that you're biased toward your own child. I've used my life to prove how fair and just you are. You must be happy now, right?

My husband, Don Vincent Corleone, has gotten ambushed during a trade-off. When he wakes up, he still remembers everyone… but me. Soon, Vincent makes an announcement in front of everyone that Angela Mancini is his actual Donna. That's how Angela takes over my position as the precision machinist in the family. When I'm in the machinery storage room, I accidentally overhear Vincent and Angela flirting with each other. "Since you've lent me the identity as the Donna for a week, does this mean I get to do whatever I want with your body during this period?" Angela asks. "Of course! The only reason why I've pretended to have contracted amnesia is so that I can appease you, after all." As I hide in the shadows, I feel my nails digging into my palms. Still, I don't expose Vincent's lie on the spot. At the family meeting the next day, Vincent forcibly snatches away the obsidian ring that I've been wearing. He yells at me that Angela is his actual Donna, and that I should submit all of my blueprints to the family before leaving Neplas once and for all. All the subordinates stare at me, waiting for me to fight back. Without moving an inch, I submit my resignation on the spot and file for a divorce. What Vincent doesn't know is that I'm the only one who knows the assembly technology of the latest batch of firearms. There are only seven days left till the Corleone family has to hand the batch over to the client. Seven days later, the batch starts showing issues, which implicates the Corleone family and putting them in a dire state. But that's when I've completely vanished from Neplas. When Vincent and I meet each other again, he grabs me by the arm angrily while questioning me, "Where the hell have you gone to, Valenna? Why did you ditch me back then?" I pretend to look confused. "Who are you? Do I even know you?"

Beverly Sinclair and Evan Gray have loved each other for ten years, and they've been married for six. To everyone else, Evan seems madly in love with Beverly. He's devoted, gentle, and basically the perfect husband. But it's only when his mistress shows up at her door that Beverly realizes it was all a cruel joke. He's been cheating for five years, and he even has an illegitimate child. He keeps the other woman right under Beverly's nose, all while wearing the mask of a loving husband. He says he loves her—even more than life itself. But how is this love? Evan hides behind layers of fake affection, dragging everyone around him into the charade, all so he can build the illusion of a perfect marriage. Even Beverly's son has been lying to her. It's a double betrayal from father and son, especially when they act like the mistress is the one who completes the family. Utterly devastated, Beverly decides she's done with this. She returns to her classified team and leaves behind the absurd, hollow life that never truly belonged to her. When the one-month notice period ends, she disappears completely, vanishing from the world without a trace. From that moment on, Evan never sees Beverly again. ... Evan loves Beverly to his core. He was just too afraid to lose her, yet that fear turned their marriage into a tragedy. He thought he hid it well. He thought their marriage was still blissful and that the woman he loved so deeply would never discover the truth. But it's only after Beverly vanishes from his world that he realizes just how wrong he was. Evan breaks down, losing his sanity. He gives up everything. He jumps through hoops and kneels before every god he can find, begging for just one more glance from her. With red eyes and shaking hands, he pleads, "Can you please... love me once more?" However, the truth is that a late apology is worth less than nothing. Beverly already has someone new in her life. There's no place left for Evan or their son.

Every other student could hear the inner thoughts of Chloe Yates, the campus belle. It was like a radio station was broadcasting her mind, and unfortunately for me, the broadcast was usually bad news. It started during the ROTC courses in our freshman year. I was doubled over with terrible period cramps and asked to sit out. Chloe just shook her head, letting out a dramatic, pitying sigh. "Oh, this is awful," her internal voice broadcast to everyone. "Should I tell everyone the truth? Sylvie is totally faking it. If the sergeant finds out she's lying, he's going to punish the whole class because of her." The sergeant, hearing her thoughts, immediately assumed I was a liar. He forced the entire class to run 30 laps as punishment. After that, no one would talk to me. Later, when I applied for the need-based financial aid grant, Chloe went on a rampage with her internal thoughts. "Her family isn't poor!" her voice screamed in everyone's heads. "They have a car and a house. She's just vain. She's trying to scam the college out of grant money so she can buy a new phone. I feel so bad for the actual poor kid whose spot she's stealing." Once the class heard that, they silently agreed to vote against my application. Without that money, I had no choice but to work three part-time jobs just to survive. I worked myself into the ground until I finally gave out. I collapsed in the classroom while clutching my chest, suffering a massive heart attack. I cried out, begging my classmates to call 911. However, Chloe's voice cut through the air right then. "She doesn't have a heart condition. She's pregnant. She's trying to trick a guy into taking her to the hospital so she can get an abortion, and then she's going to frame whoever helps her for getting her knocked up." Terrified of being blamed, the students backed away from me like I was radioactive. They stood there and watched as I died on the classroom floor. Right up until the moment I died, I never understood why my life had turned into such a nightmare. However, when I snapped my eyes open, I had returned to the day of the ROTC courses. The cramps were back, and the sun was beating down on me. Chloe did not know one crucial detail. This time, I could hear her thoughts too.