Novel & Cerita Sadly Yes But I Lived

"Yes, of course, baby." As I climbed up the stairs and entered my room, I closed and locked the door behind me. Forcing myself into a calm state, I sat in the bed. The pictures taped to the walls felt like a constant reminder of the drastic change I had undergone. I was smiling in every one of them and what hurt was that it was genuine. All of that happiness was burned away by my fear. Then I thought. What was the use of living if I wasn't happy? Was life even worth it? What was the point of existing if I couldn't ever enjoy the moment? I sighed. It didn't matter anymore anyway. Life was meant to be lived. There was nothing more you could do than live in the present and hope it brought you g

"P-please" was all I was able to say. A small part of me couldn't help but feel disappointed in myself. I felt pathetic begging for my life, like a loser. But the bigger part of me wanted to live. I was pretty much desperate to live. More like I was afraid to die.

“I'm in for anything, I just want to have my life back, I need to get myself back, I'm tired of living in this sorrowful, pitiable life. It's depressing, I'm going insane.” “But I hope your family will be okay with it?” “Go on with it, tell me, what's your plan?” [Fade out]

And then I realized, I just live with it. “None,” I said, laughed a bit. “I learned to live with the sadness, sorrow, and grief. I don’t know how to stop or make myself happy.” She laughed. “You know what? Many people are still alive but already died years ago. Died at a young age yet continued leaving.” My eyebrows met, thinking about what she had said. It is not clear. It took me almost a minute to understand what she spitted. “You're right, and I guess I am one of them.”

In there was vibrance and i was smiling, so hard it seemed like it hurt but here, i was in tears. This was the life i had to live, where i had to be off the drugs that kept me alive to be happy. It wasn’t even a choice, i couldn’t have both. “I won’t lie and say no, it’s not going to affect me. But i will try. I will try for as long as i can to do the best i can”

That was the first word she could utter and the person that was present with her was her mom when she opened her eyes. "I don't know if I should really be happy or sad mom that I'll be discharged today" Anna replied fiddling with her fingers. "Anna! Why are you saying that? of course you should be happy the doctors and nurses did their very best to keep you alive for us". "But I'm not happy I'm alive mom, deep inside my heart I'm not happy. Why should I be happy when Drake is dead? Drake wasn't meant to die, it's all my fault he's dead and I'm alive. How can I ever be happy knowing I'll never see him again? Tell me mom, how can I survive this loneliness?"

“Liv, I’m so content to see you care about me like this. If I had to die now, I would die happy.” What was this man saying?

Isaac pointed out excitedly. "You shouldn't have bothered... Isaac, Jared... I'm sorry, but I don't h-have any desire to live... I don't h-have a reason to live anymore, f-first it was to go against f-first Jonah and the b-bastard ended up using me as he wanted... he betrayed me and I destroyed the only beautiful thing that happened in my l-life, my wife and my son... these regrets torture me, it's not nice to l-live like this," I said, feeling powerless.

She was alive, breathing, and that alone was a testament fuck you to everything I'd worked hard for these past months. My dreams of a happy family, a happy life, and happy me—all gone, shattered, destroyed. "No…" I croaked out as the first tear finally fell from my eye, then another and another until I was sobbing openly. I couldn't hold it in anymore. "No… this can't be my end. This can't… it can't be my end." But it was. This was my fucking end.

My trauma still ran deep in my heart, making me unable to live without thinking of my past self. How could I feel happy when my heart was still bleeding? “Thank you, Carla.” My eyes softened and I tried my best to put a smile on my face. “Thank you for everything. Without you, I’d never be able to survive alone in that hell.”