Terrible Puns Novels & Stories

(Book 1.5 of the Mate’s Series) "W-why are you doing this?" Her voice is like the sweetest song in my ears. "I-I'm not good enough to be your mate... l-let alone the Luna. S-so why... why are you accepting me? I-I don't understand..." I take her hands carefully and look into her eyes, which shimmer like violet gemstones in the moonlight. "I've always known you're my mate, Ebony. I'd never reject you. You're too lovely and adorable." As Ebony's pale face turns a soft pink, I lean forward and kiss her cheek. "B-but I'll do a terrible job. I... I... I'm not strong enough... I won't be any good to anyone..." As tears brim in her eyes, I pull her into a hug. "I love you, always and forever. So please... don't turn your back on me. But most of all... never put yourself down." I hold her close. "Didn't I tell you before? You'd be the one to give me the best birthday present of my life. So please... don't push me away, Ebony." ~~~~~~ From the moment Skylar saw Ebony, he knew she was the one for him. Everyone thought it was merely love at first sight—a simple crush that would fade away—but that couldn't be further from the truth. Being the son of a true Luna, he was born with his wolf, Jaden, already awakened and could tell who his mate was immediately. With Ebony by his side, nothing could stop him as he learns to become Crimson Moon Pack's next alpha, but an unwanted guest soon appears, breaking his blissful honeymoon phase. As he and his mate are tested, will they be able to work as a perfect team? Or will inner conflicts make it impossible?

He is a 10 but he is a decade older than me, my brother’s best friend, a therapist who wants to counsel me and... he likes to hurt little girls like me. “What were you doing this morning?” “I was meditating.” He is right. I am a terrible liar. Aiden raised his eyebrows. “Is that so?” He waited for my answer, crossing his arms over his chest. I got distracted by the way his biceps bulged. He noticed me staring. I glanced down at my lap, twiddling my thumbs. “Y-yes, Doctor Aiden, I was meditating and I-I focused on my breath like you taught me—” “Why are you lying to me, Ivy?” My head snapped at him. “I-I am not lying.” Aiden tilted his head and my throat went dry when he said, “Then why did I hear your voice moaning my name when you orgasmed with your fingers inside you?" He is her first love. She is his best friend's little sister. Will a chance reunion lead to true love? I was a good girl. An honor student. A dutiful daughter, sister and a sweet girlfriend to my boyfriend until I found him in my best friend’s bed. I didn’t want goody-two-shoe nice boys who gave me empty promises. What I wanted was a man who wouldn’t hurt me. When I found my brother’s best friend, Aiden Stone, with only a towel around his hot Greek body dripping wet from a shower, I decided that what I wanted, what I had been wanting for years, was him. The only problem? He is a decade older than me, my brother’s best friend, a therapist who wants to counsel me and... he likes to hurt little girls like me.

Life is something unprecedented. Family is a gift which I'm certain any individual would need. At the point when you're a kid, your parents should shield you from whatever might hurt or scare you. They should give you love and let you in on that you have them. As far back as I can recollect, my folks have given me the direct opposite. To be more exact... my mom and stepfather. Rather than wishing me wonderful dreams, they reviled me with bad dreams. As opposed to much love, I got punches and kicks. I don't know what I did wrong for them to give me that treatment and disdain me so much, however I had figured out how to simply manage it. Particularly when a wonderful green-peered child was born into the family. Indeed, on the off chance that you might call us that. At last, I figured out how to move us away from those terrible individuals I called parents. All was great and we were happy, yet happiness doesn't keep going long. He was the beginning of my nightmares. I simply wish somebody would've let me know what my life would come to. Perhaps then I could never have decided to trust him. I wouldn't be hauling my seven-year-old girl out at 2am simply to move away from him... "Come on, bubbles. Rush!" I briskly shout as I pull Daisy towards the vehicle by her hand. "Mom…I dropped Tom!" She cries back to me while I put her in the backseat and immediately lock her in. I would have rather not returned in, terrified of what could occur however she adored Tom. Since I got him for her, she has become very attached to him. So without another thought, I ran once again into the house.

Do I need to cut off someone’s limbs, little flame?” he growled into my ear. I tilted my head instinctively “He’s nothing you need to worry about,” I whispered. “I’m not worried, baby. I’m annoyed.” His growled. But I barely processed his words. “You called me baby,” I said, stunned. “And?” “I didn’t think wolves used such... terms of endearment.” He chuckled darkly. “We use whatever we want, ‘baby.’ Those words aren’t reserved for other species.” He kissed the side of my neck, slow and possessive. My lips parted in shock and hunger. Hunger for him. For more of his words that seemed to touch not just my heart, but the deepest, most vulnerable parts of me. “You’re in an awfully good mood,” I whispered, biting my lip to stop a moan. “I deserve it. I’ve been in a terrible mood since I left you in that hallway three nights ago. I can’t wait to be done with this damn party so I can kiss you properly.” His voice was thick with want. I felt weightless and boneless. Every nerve in my body tuned to him. He was too much. “Are you finally free?” I asked, my voice shaky from how turned on I was. “I’m not, little flame,” he said, biting my ear and licking the same spot after. “But for tonight? You have me all to yourself.” “Sounds exciting,” I breathed. “It is. Are you wet yet?” he whispered, voice like molten sin. “I am. Very.” “Good,” he murmured. “Stay like that all night. It will get worse but you’ll think of me while we mingle. And then, when this party is over, when you can’t take the ache anymore, I’ll let you come.”

My Alpha mate cheated on me with an Omega we had kindly taken in. Six months ago, at the Pack ceremony, their sex video was projected onto the big screen. I felt the blood drain from my body in a single heartbeat. I made a scene. Forced Cain to swear in front of the entire Pack Alliance assembly that he would cut ties with Vivienne. He made his vow. And yes, he came back. The first time we attended a multi-pack banquet together after our so-called reconciliation, a Luna who'd always had it in for me stepped into my path. "Wren, what exactly are you so proud of? You threw a fit across the whole pack — catching your mate in the act, making sure every last person saw that video. What kind of Luna makes a spectacle of herself like that?" "Your Alpha didn't even mark her. And you went nuclear over it? Cain must've done something truly terrible in a past life to end up with a Luna like you." I turned to Cain. Waiting for him to speak. A denial. A defense. Even a single word. He lowered his eyes and said nothing. Something inside my head shattered. A few days later, I saw Vivienne at the market on the edge of pack territory. All because she accidentally knocked over a shelf, the shop owner raised his hand to slap her. Before the slap could land, Cain appeared out of nowhere. I had never seen Cain use that level of dominance on anyone. Three years ago, I was attacked by rogue wolves. Nearly died from the injuries. When Cain arrived, his expression was cold and composed. Today, he nearly lost it — because an Omega got slapped. Almost in the same second, my phone lit up. An official notification from the Alpha Council filled the screen: [Luna Wren, the Mate Bond dissolution documents you commissioned have been prepared.] But why did the usually calm Alpha went crazy after I left?

Before Grandpa passed, he left behind two things: a billion-dollar fortune and three matches. He said, "Each of you gets to pick one. Renee, you're the oldest, so you go first." I did not hesitate for even a second and chose the fortune. That left my adopted sister, Vera Gallagher, with nothing but three matches. What none of us could have known was that those three matches were no ordinary matches. Each one, when lit, could make any wish come true. Vera resented our parents for favoring me, so she immediately cursed them a terrible death. Sure enough, Dad suddenly suffered a heart attack and died on the spot, and Mom was hit by a speeding semi-truck on her way to the hospital. I grabbed a kitchen knife and went straight to Vera to settle the score. I growled, "Didn't I tell you that once you turned 18, I would split Grandpa's inheritance with you? Our parents opened their home to you and gave you everything I had growing up. All these years, you ate the same food and wore the same clothes as I did. How could you betray them?!" Vera's face was filled with greed. "Since they chose to adopt me, they should have thrown you away and given me all the good things instead! I don't want your handouts. Once you're all dead, the money will be mine anyway!" With that, Vera sneered and lit the second match. "I wish Renee would be trafficked to some remote backwoods town, forced to carry and deliver eight babies at once, and die from complications!" I was horrified. I emptied my savings and hired over 1000 bodyguards to protect me day and night, making sure there was not a single weak spot. However, one night, every single bodyguard suddenly passed out at the same time, and I was kidnapped and sold deep into the mountains. I was tortured, abused, and forced to endure things no person should ever have to survive. I did not know how much time had passed before I finally swallowed my last breath in agony and humiliation. When I opened my eyes again, I had been reborn on the very day the inheritance was divided.

My husband, Jaxon Murray, was a renowned medical expert and owned a big company. He was participating in a clinical drug trial when someone tampered with his medication. Under the influence, he ended up entangled with an intern—ninety-nine times, right there on the lab table. When he regained clarity, he rushed home, locked himself in the bathroom, and submerged himself in the tub without food or water as he waited for me to return from work. "Lauren," he said, "my medication was switched during the trial. I made a terrible mistake. But I paid her off and had her dismissed. She'll never appear before me again." I wept miserably, clutching my belly that had once again failed to carry life. And in the end, I chose to forgive him. Several months later, he crashed into a guardrail while answering a phone call, causing me to miscarry. The injury left me unable to conceive for life. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his voice choked with remorse. "Darling, I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry… We don't need children. We have each other, isn't that enough?" One day, I went to bring him lunch, only to find him in the next hospital room, cradling and feeding the woman he swore he'd never see again. "She's too weak to eat by herself," he said. "She has early-stage stomach cancer. There's no one else to take care of her… she's all alone." I chose to believe him. Again. Until one day, a pair of twins appeared in our home. Sophie Dixon knelt before me, wearing the postpartum gown he had once lovingly picked out for me, clutching my hand with tears streaming down her face. "It's all my fault. Please don't blame Jaxon. If you say the word, I'll leave with the children immediately." Jaxon grabbed my other hand, desperation thick in his voice. "Lauren, you've always been the kindest person I know. The children are still so young. How could Sophie possibly raise them alone? You wouldn't be that cruel… would you?" I looked down at the hands gripping mine from both sides, and suddenly, I laughed. "Jaxon, let's get a divorce. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness."

Every other student could hear the inner thoughts of Chloe Yates, the campus belle. It was like a radio station was broadcasting her mind, and unfortunately for me, the broadcast was usually bad news. It started during the ROTC courses in our freshman year. I was doubled over with terrible period cramps and asked to sit out. Chloe just shook her head, letting out a dramatic, pitying sigh. "Oh, this is awful," her internal voice broadcast to everyone. "Should I tell everyone the truth? Sylvie is totally faking it. If the sergeant finds out she's lying, he's going to punish the whole class because of her." The sergeant, hearing her thoughts, immediately assumed I was a liar. He forced the entire class to run 30 laps as punishment. After that, no one would talk to me. Later, when I applied for the need-based financial aid grant, Chloe went on a rampage with her internal thoughts. "Her family isn't poor!" her voice screamed in everyone's heads. "They have a car and a house. She's just vain. She's trying to scam the college out of grant money so she can buy a new phone. I feel so bad for the actual poor kid whose spot she's stealing." Once the class heard that, they silently agreed to vote against my application. Without that money, I had no choice but to work three part-time jobs just to survive. I worked myself into the ground until I finally gave out. I collapsed in the classroom while clutching my chest, suffering a massive heart attack. I cried out, begging my classmates to call 911. However, Chloe's voice cut through the air right then. "She doesn't have a heart condition. She's pregnant. She's trying to trick a guy into taking her to the hospital so she can get an abortion, and then she's going to frame whoever helps her for getting her knocked up." Terrified of being blamed, the students backed away from me like I was radioactive. They stood there and watched as I died on the classroom floor. Right up until the moment I died, I never understood why my life had turned into such a nightmare. However, when I snapped my eyes open, I had returned to the day of the ROTC courses. The cramps were back, and the sun was beating down on me. Chloe did not know one crucial detail. This time, I could hear her thoughts too.