Unattainable

For eight years, I stayed by John Harlem's side, even without a title. I was there when he recovered and rose from his wheelchair, and I was there when he clawed his way out of depression. I thought that one day, if I endured long enough, he would see my sincerity and affection for him. And we might end up together. But when his first love returned to the country, all my hopes turned into delusions. He told me to put away feelings I should never have had and remain by his side as nothing more than his "sister". For her, he deceived me, humiliated me, and pushed me away. What he never knew was that in helping him heal, I had absorbed far too much of his darkness. The very day he stopped taking his medication, I was diagnosed with severe depression. In order to save myself, I chose to let him go… and married his uncle instead. But at my wedding, he set aside his pride and dignity, dropped to his knees before everyone, and begged me for nothing more than a single glance.

My sister had struggled with severe depression for years, and the only thing that seemed to ease her pain was her dog, Toto, who had become her constant companion. But when her illness flared up again, Toto was nowhere to be found. Then, my husband, Lionel Cress's childhood sweetheart posted a picture of Toto on social media. [With her, it feels like you're here with me.] I lost it. I called Lionel in a frenzy, but despite being my sister's psychologist, he was completely indifferent. "Your sister has been sick for so long. How could she suddenly relapse just because Toto's gone for a few days?" When I rushed back home, I found my sister in the bathroom, her wrists cut. Later, Toto's body was discovered outside our building, with Lionel's gift to his childhood sweetheart—a ring—lying next to her. I buried both my sister and Toto, and left behind nothing but a divorce agreement. Lionel went crazy, desperately trying to find me.

Even on my hundredth proposal, Isabelle Cole still turns me down. We've been together for seven years. For the previous 99 proposals, she said her childhood friend isn't married yet, and she can't bring herself to break the promise they've made. Staring at the ring in my hand, I finally can't hold it in anymore. "If Ronald never gets married, are you going to keep him company forever? What am I to you?" Isabelle's expression turns gloomy in an instant. She snatches the ring and throws it into the river. "Ron and I made a promise when we were kids that we'd get married at the same time. How can I just abandon him? "And besides, is that piece of paper really all that important, Lucas? We've been together for seven years. What difference would it even make?"

On my wedding day, my fiance's first love appeared at the wedding ceremony wearing the exact same haute couture gown as mine. I watched them stand together at the entrance, greeting the guests as if they were the bride and groom. Maintaining a calm expression, I complimented them, saying they looked like the perfect couple—beauty and brains, a match made in heaven. She burst into tears and fled the scene. He, however, didn't hesitate to humiliate me in front of everyone, accusing me of being petty and narrow-minded. When the wedding banquet was over, he left for what was supposed to be our honeymoon—with her by his side. I didn't argue or cause a scene. Instead, I quietly booked an appointment for an abortion.

In the second year after marrying Zac Jacobs, he finally became a hotshot in the business world.He was decisive and swift in the market, and no woman caught his eye.Everyone envied me.But only I knew that for two whole years, Zac Jacobs had never touched me.It wasn't until that evening at the business gala when he saw his beloved in someone else's arms, and his eyes turned crimson instantly.In front of everyone's gaze, he grabbed the girl and walked away from me, shamelessly yet passionately kissing her as if no one else existed.It was at that moment that I finally understood that Zac Jacobs's love had never been given to me even the slightest bit.I stepped forward, and with a smile of relief, I tossed the wedding ring to Stella Williams as if it were trash."Since you like him so much, Mrs. Jacobs's position is yours; I don't want it."

Three months after I give birth, Nicholas Faulkner finally makes his choice between his first love and me. He agrees to marry me. Everyone thinks I am hopelessly in love with him and would never give up the chance to secure my position as his wife with our child. But I refuse, give up my son, and leave on my own. Nicholas doesn't take it seriously and says nonchalantly to his friends, "She's just throwing a tantrum. She even poked holes in condoms just so she would end up having my child to make me marry her. How could she possibly let go so easily?" No one expects that I would be gone for five whole years. When we meet again, I am accompanying my husband to a birthday banquet for an elder. A little boy blocks my way. He hugs me and turns to shout behind him, "Dad, I found Mom! You don't have to hold Mom's photo and cry every night anymore!" My heart clenches as I look up and meet Nicholas' reddened eyes.

I married the same man seven times. He had divorced me seven times for his first love, just so he could spend vacations with her freely, and so she wouldn't have to deal with rumors or gossip. The first time we divorced, I tried to stop him by hurting myself. I ended up in the hospital, but he didn't even come to see me. The second time, I lowered myself to apply as his assistant at his company, just so I could see him more. By the sixth divorce, I had already learned to pack my things quietly and leave our apartment without a fuss. My meltdowns, my constant giving in, and my numb compromises only led to one thing: him coming back to marry me on schedule, and repeating the same old games. Until now. When I heard that his first love was returning to the country, I handed him the divorce papers first. As usual, he made a plan to remarry me later, but this time, he had no idea that I was leaving for good.

To save my wife, my lungs were pierced by a knife, leaving lasting consequences. When I fell ill and struggled to breathe, she said I was dramatic and went on a business trip with her childhood friend. When she returned, I found a man's underwear in her suitcase that did not belong to me. I calmly made the call: "Director, I've made up my mind. I'm going to assist in Avrika." Later, at the airport, she bent down, publicly lowering her head and begging for my forgiveness.

I decided to cut all ties with Julia Summers. She said she was busy with work, so I quietly packed my suitcase in our bedroom. Then she brought her so-called true love, Henry Stone, home. Right then and there, I asked for a divorce. In my past life, I’d poured my heart and soul into this family and nearly drained every last bit of our savings. Even then, on my fortieth birthday, my own children knelt before me, begging me to let Julia’s dying lover be buried in the Summers Estate. I looked at Julia and said, "You once told me you’d only ever love me. Have you really forgotten?" Her eyes turned red. "I’ll stay with you," she said, her voice trembling. "But Henry just wants a name. Why would you hold a grudge against someone who’s dying?" When I opened my eyes again, I was twenty-five. This time, I’d give them what they wanted and finally give myself what I deserved.

Before the mission, I ask Ryan Jamison one last time, "Will you marry me?" He pauses for a moment before saying, "Alright." The system and I freeze. "Oh no," we say in unison. I'm told that once I get rejected a hundred times, I'll return to the real world. Turns out, it's nothing but false alarm. In my final mission, I accidentally become the stand-in for his first love. Ryan spends three days with her before he finally remembers me. But by then, all he hears is that I've died in the line of duty.